your facebook, twitter and instagram can wait.

i hope this is gonna be a very short and straightforward post.

so this is about us. yes, us. most of us. most of us are too busy with our gadgets when we have real people real thing real conversation in front of our eyes.

i don't get it. don't you get annoyed when you're hanging out with a bunch of your friends and having a good conversation and suddenly the conversation comes to a halt or jadi hambar because your friends are busy with their fucking phones.

yes i'm talking about you, you and you. am i the only person on this earth who still want to get engaged with real conversation with real people in front of me? damn it i can't be the only one. but i get disappointed hanging out with my friends when in the end, they're all busy with their phones and then totally ignore what's in front of em ; me.

is it really important for you to know the live updates of your other friends. is it really important to read your friends' tweet that you can't wait till you get home to read? is it really important to go through your friends' photos in instagram at that very moment? like, if you don't do it immediately, you're gonna be outdated is it? or someone is going to die because you don't check your fucking phone?

please lah. it started off with this one guy i used to go out with, he was busy bbm-ing another person the whole time he was with me. i got annoyed and i swore to myself i'm not gonna see him again. yes i never see him again after that. and i thought that's it. no that wasn't it.

now, everyone is turning into that kind of person. the kind of person i swore never to meet again. you know, you're busy telling stories to ur friend and tetiba she's busy checking facebook and whatever shit on her phone and then she will be like ''eh kau cerita ape td? ulang balik". ok fine ulang balik cerita. and the next 5 mins, "eh sorry check fb jap tadi, ha ape kau ckp tadi, cite balik"

"cite tahik hanjeng"

if it happens for like 2-3 times and if you know the other person is checking her phone sebab emergency ke or macam kena whatsapp the other half ke apa to inform them ape2 ke that's fine. i mean, i totally understand. i pun from time to time i do text or whatsapp my parents or my bf when i'm in the middle of meeting my friends. but to check all the social websites when you're with your friends, i totally don't get that.

kau anti-social ke apa sampai waktu bersocial kau pun kau kena bukak social websites? get a life, seriously. 

how do you know?

one needs courage to move forward. you can't repeatedly ask urself, "is this the right thing to do?" "is this the right time?" "is he the one?" "what if things go wrong?"

fuck it.

you can either live in ur own bloody world or take risk and move forward.

life, we'll never know what is written for us. we'll never live if we don't explore. so fuck being cautious, fuck over think, fuck it all, just take the risk and move forward. that way, life is more interesting. 

Changes

As I'm writing this, I'm at the verandah of my house breathing in the fresh air and enjoying the chilly rainy season. Gosh I think the weather has gone bonkers, coz it will be raining for 10-15 minutes and then the sun starts to shine again. 

As I sit here just enjoying the sound of birds chirping and the soothing sound of our little waterfalls, I got lost in my own gaze and many things are running through my head. 

It's good to be back home for good. I grew up in this house, this is where I belong, but believe me being away from home for too long makes me rather unfamiliar with the setting of my very own home. I need to keep asking the other family members for things. 

 

"ma, where do you put this?" 

"which switch is for which?"

Same thing happened when I go out. Despite me being someone that mom described as ''tak boleh duduk rumah'', always up for something somewhere with someone, being away from the country for too long makes me a bit awkward and clueless as for where are the right and "in" places to dine-in, the newest coolest places to hang out and I even got lost in my own hometown, Shah Alam. That pretty much conclude how much things have changed while I was away. 

That's not all. Being away from home for too long, I came back home only to realize that my parents don't look as healthy and fit as they were when they sent me off 5 years ago. Parents are really ageing and it's just a matter of time when we (the children) have play the role of taking care that our parents once did for us. This time, it's our time to return their favour, it's our time to take care of them. 

I went off when I was 20, I came back just recently, and I am now 25. Spent half of my 20s abroad, I must say I missed a lot of important events and truth to be told, my absence do break apart the friendship I had with some friends. It's nobody's fault, it's just that not everybody is able to cope with distance and after years of being away, somehow you just don't click anymore. It's sad but life goes on.

That is one thing I regret about being abroad. I love keeping friends, and I can fairly say I'm good at it but the distance and the long years I was away failed me this time. 

To look at things positively, I told myself that this is just us growing up. Sometimes, growing up really means growing apart. So this is me growing up, abroad and away from family and best friends, and now I'm back to my hometown, and ready to rock and roll! (in the hospital, as a busy junior doctor -____-")