the rare side of me

so i'm back in shah alam :)

i smpai yesterday, daddy n amir picked me up at the airport tgh2 pagi buta, mummy cooked soto today as i specifically requested for soto (mengidam begedil sgtttt so i texted mum ckp i nak sgt soto heheh), and sarah my little sister made me blueberry cheese tart sebab i gedik mintak gak, baby and aisyah pun has been nice to me, kak long even came bwk emily my niece today to celebrate me coming home.

so i spent the whole day with my family today. with good food, good laugh, good catching up session, good jokes n everything is really good. dear Allah, what a wonderful family u gave me.

looking at my aging parents, i realized i sygggggggg sangat kat diorang walau ape pun kekurangan diorang walau ape pun bad history i had with my parents, diorang penah pukul i ke maki i ke tak kasi i kuar dating ke tak kasi pegi keluar ngan kawan ke, at this age of 25 i rase i tak kesah semua tu i tetap syg gila dkt parents i and of course adik2 i n kak long i regardless of all the fights we had.

and then it hits me, sebenarnya i ada ramai wonderful people in my life, to be my pillar of strength, ni tak termasuk boyfriend and best friends i lagi. actually, i'm a very lucky person.

tapi i jarang gile nk ucap syukur to Allah for giving me these wonderful people :( and suddenly it hits me what if God gets really angry with me sbb i tak pernah bersyukur dgn orang2 that he sent me so he take 'em away from me? and then i get really scared :(

seumur hidup i, i tak pernah hilang mane2 ahli keluarga yang i sayang gila n rapat gila (yes i lost both grandparents already but i was never really close yg close gila to 'em) and i really really can't imagine losing any one of 'em later wpun i know the time will come that one day i akan kehilangan diorang jugak (or else mungkin diorang yg akan hilang i in case i pergi dulu) and i should be prepared but i really can't imagine living without my dad? or mom? or kak long? amir? aisyah? sarah? baby?

and talking about the person i love the most next to my family, P, yes i'm scared God will take him away from me by any means, like dia jumpa perempuan lain ke, he simply don't love me anymore ke, or death ke just because i lupa utk bersyukur to God padahal He never forget me siap bagi i a wonderful person for me to love. tapi in the end i lupa that i have to love Him more than any other human being on this earth.

i know i mmg manusia yg lalai n eventho skrg i ade kesedaran i can't guarantee kesedaran ni akan kekal lame sbb i just manusia biasa yg kejap konon baik lepas tu i might smbung lagha balik hmm. i just have sudden urge to write this out maybe as reminder for myself that i have such wonderful people around me n i might lose em anytime so i should really start to be grateful that i have 'em.

hmm. nite ppl.