simply because . . .

once upon a time in KMS...

p/s : dunno why i luv dis picture. i just think my boyfriend (central)
looks irresistably comel in this picture. hahaha.
that's what I think, and i don't expect u
to think the same, of course ;p

p/s II : the other guys are my friends. 2 of 'em are
still single. interested? call me. hahahaha. ;p

i miss my faraway boyfriend :(
i miss mohd azar syazwan

nite2~

of poverty and mental retardation

this morning during my OPD session, i came across a 23 year-old guy who is mentally retarded. his mother and brother tagged along. i'm not quite sure what brings him to the hospital as the discussion between the doctor and the patient's mother was in Kannada language (a local language in Bangalore, and believe me it's even harder than Hindi) and unfortunately, Dr. Manjeera didn't bother to let us know the details of the patient's history of presenting illness (and it was so unlike her, she is usually so eager to explain everything to us, perhaps she was a little tired)

i'm assuming his illness is a really serious one because moments later, Dr. Jacob Matthew came in to discuss about this patient and they both agreed that this patient need to be admitted urgently. now the thing is, his mother refused to admit him. i asked one of the sisters (nurses) about why his mother refused to admit her son. she said, it's all bout the money. yeah, totally. i thought so. and i can tell it from the start. they're really poor people. imagine this, that mentally retarded guy was wearing a slack pants, which was probably descended from his father or brother (i can tell this by looking closely when he was required to loosen up his pants on lying down for physical examination purpose) and he didn't wear a belt, instead, he made use of some small rope as a belt. and his mother was wearing oversized slippers, which was probably borrowed from someone else.

it was clear. they're the victims of poverty. i'm sure his mother will definitely try her best to make ends meet just for her beloved son. but the real thing is, at this very moment, they can't afford it. my heart breaks so much to see how unfortunate some people are. they struggle to live a life and what about us? we spend money unnecessarily while others are still suffering. i'm not born with a silver spoon in my mouth and i'm nothing close to genius, but lucky enough, i'm not the total opposite of both. however, it's a shame that i do complaint about a lot of things. what was i thinking? other people dun even have a cent, and some are even mentally retarded, or perhaps physically deformed, and i don't think i am in the position to complain anything when there are plenty others who are less and less fortunate than me.

yeah, i got so touched today. i looked at the mother. she was full of hopes that her son is gonna be okay. and she was telling the doctor that her son can be admitted 2-3 days later, when she can afford the money. and her son was so innocent. he smiled innocently, he followed all the instructions given but the fact that he is mentally retarded is just so sad.

honestly, i respect these kinda people (referring to mentally retarded people) and i can't see them get bullied or insulted by normal people. please, they have the right to be respected just like everyone else in this world. it's not his fault that he is retarded. they've gone through enough hard times and we shouldn't make it harder for them by insulting or bullying them.

back in my high school in shah alam, there used to be special classes for special students like this. students with Down's syndrome etc etc. call me emotional, but i do feel sad when i saw them get bullied by other students. they dun deserve to be treated that way. and i wonder why normal people sometimes do act like morons. what's with endless bullying and insulting? gotta write this in my own mother tongue, tau tak, org2 gila or mentally retarded ni insyaAllah tempat diorang dh ditetapkan kat syurga, but not for us yg cukup berakal ni, so why perlu tambah dosa dgn buli orang2 camni? i know, i sound so emotional. perhaps i really am. my brother was in that special class. he was not mentally retarded, but he had some hearing problems and that somehow affect his studies, social life etc etc. yeah he couldn't cope studying in normal class so that's why. and of course, he's not exempted to be the victim of some morons. and when i caught anyone making fun of him, i will definitely show up. i love him unconditionally.

i still remember, it was teacher's day. and these special students made a performance. they sang a song - i'tiraf (raihan) nope, my brother was not one of the performers. he was still in primary school at that time. i couldn't help myself but to cry. and these special kids received standing ovation from the audience as soon as they finished performing. the performance was just soooo touching and i just couldn't control myself. maybe it was the song. and of course, the performers as well. please note i wasn't the only one who got so emotional, there were plenty others.

2 sensitive topics for today, poverty and mental retardation. i hope the mother can afford to admit her son to the hospital as soon as possible. i really hope so. i wish there's no more poverty for anyone at all. i hope we now know how to respect unfortunate people. i hope these less fortunate people are blessed with good life and happiness. so much hopes. i hope all of them are fulfilled.

when we were young :)

i simply miss the old days. i miss my friends back home! i missed muz's 21st birthday celebration a few days back! damn i missed a lot of things okkaayy! i wish i have 'em with me in bangalore! yesss, i can imagine us living together under one roof, sumpah tunggang terbalik!

gawwwwdddd, i just realized one thing. i am less like myself when i'm in bangalore. i am far more independent now. i do a lot of things on my own. i no longer feel awkward if i have to be alone during lunch time and whatnots. it's not that i'm so snobbish that i dun wanna mingle with other people, but really, i dun really have friends who share the same wavelength as mine now in bangalore. not that i'm choosy in friendship, but errmm tah susah nk describe. when the other person doesn't share that chemistry with u, u dun feel the sparks, u dun feel like sharing things, u have to mind ur words, and u can't express everything that u think u need to. get what i mean? but luckily i have some friends that i can consider satu kepala, but very few laaa.

that explains why i behave the way i am now. and that for that reason, i end up missing these people - the high school sweethearts! i'm not gonna write much about u people, because u know the fact that i bloody miss each and everyone of u and yesss, rindu semuanyaaaa! now let the pictures bring back the memories that we share together :D please note that these pictures were taken years ago and forgive us for our selebetness.

damn, how ugly duckling we were! hahaha
fatin's 16th buftday.

night out.
before i left for bangalore.
thanks guys :)

zaman muda-mudi
the usual hanging out place when
we were young and innocent :)
and yes, ain looked innocent.

ni tkleh blah, rambut kene tiup angin cuz we
purposely took the pic dpn kipas.
yes that explains the gedikness.

at chilli's
some time after SPM.
with julie mashita

she was my bedtime story teller
yeah, we talked craps and fell asleep.

and this incident, remember? :D
farah, u're the joker of the day.

nad's lovely artpiece :)
loving it ohhh!

reban = warden, nyonyek = counselor.
nyonyek is derived from babi toNYOK peNYEK.
yeah yeah, that was mean, we know. i know. haha.

at INTEC, farah's place.
the place where i used to go on weekends :)
sneaked in thru satu lubang ni time tgh hujan lebat
tgh2 mlm bute, remember?

ain's crib.
used to be another refuge
of mine on weekends :)

some time after SPM, with muzzy

the night of endless munching and eating

sunday morning, in front of my dorm.
yes, when we were sweet 17.

the sleepover.

i miss u people! cpt laaa i wanna go home!

tipah tertipu

aku ade seorang rakan. ku sangkekan kami sejenis. cube tgk gmbar bawah ni,
kami nampak sejenis bukan?

tapi rupe-rupenye, dia ade ape yg aku tkde...

oh, aku tertipu.

talk of the day

yesterday aku ponteng. bukan ponteng sbb suke2 and saje2 mcm slalu. tp yesterday mmg tak sehat. bukan tak sehat sbb tak cukup makan ke ape. tapi tak sehat sbb terlebih makan. haaa, terlebih makan daging lembu korban.

kat india ni mmg la payah nk dpt makan daging. yela, indians are mostly vegetarian, and kalau nk makan daging kene plak pegi pasar kat yeshwantpur tp pasar tu yucky skettt, kotorrr! so malas. kitorang slalu makan ayam, ikan, udang and sotong jer. daging mmg jarang2 sgt. so bile dpt daging lembu korban tu, mmg berkobar2 nk mkn daging! the night before aku tak sehat ni, kat umah ni ade 4 jenis lauk daging. haaa, ade daging black pepper, daging salai masak lemak, daging paprik and daging goreng. gile ape kann? daging paprik and daging goreng tu sebnanye lauk hari sebelumnye, just panaskan je. sooo, aku ni mmg tak reti budget, makan tak reti2 nk stop. bajet nk tunjuk perasaan dh lame dh merasa daging la kan. amek kau, sume aku bantai masuk perut.

esok paginye, kol 6 lebih camtu dh pening2 tp pakse gak tido. yela, syg plak nk bangun pagi awal2 wahahahaha. tp tkleh gak tido, pening melampau2. pegi jer toilet, terus muntah tak menahan. lega sekejap. tp tak lame pastu, pening lagi. pening gile. and muntah lagi. confirm tak pegi class. mmg nasib baik tak pegi class. coz lepas tu mmg muntah2. agaknye morning sickness camni tak? ye kot kan? hahahha igtkan nk pegi class ptg, sbb ade microbiology. adui, dh 4 class microb aku tak pegi. tu la, bile tkde pape sukesuke hati je tanak pegi class. bile sakit2 camni la rase nyesal takleh pegi class. aku pon tak paham.

moral of the story, jgn mkn daging melampau2. firstly, makan daging melampau2 bole increase our blood pressure and contribute to heart diseases cuz the cholesterol level is high. and it will definitely lead to obesity. serik nk mkn daging. tadi pon tgk diorang ni bawak bekal lauk daging, dah loya2 takut termuntah2 lg. hahahaha. so, just a public reminder, not to eat excessive amount of meat in one shot.

skarang ni, semangat nk blaja mmg jatuh merudum tergolek2. ceh, tah bile mase plak semangat blaja aku penah tinggi kan. tapi kali ni nk isytiharkan, aku malas nk blaja pape pon smpai habis cuti bulan 12 nnti. which means, smpai 11th january. hahahah. isk sumpah tak tau nape malas sgt. ni la satu2 nye soalan yg tak terjmpe2 jawapannye dari dulu lagi. penat tau blaja. ni blom blaja lagi tp dh penat mengalahkan org yg rajin, dh blaja nnti terpengsan2 kepenatan kot. kalau dh malas is in the gene, takleh buat ape laaa. nasib aku la dilahirkan malas. hahahahaha.

tomorrow is saturday. igt nk lepak tapiiii, i have clinical class tomorrow! arghhh, sabtu pon dh tak aman damai mcm doolu2. tinggal ahad je nk lepak2. kekadang tu aku pegi class just for the sake nak dpt attendance. serious. that pemalas! mcm class OBG and pediatric tadi. pdhal bukan pening ke penat ke ape. tp saje je tanak dengar ape lecture tu ckp. isk, tunggu la lg sebulan, pasti smangat blaja muncul kembali! wahahahahhahaha *in my dreams!* tapi, serious ni. lagi sebulan k?lg sebulan msti rajin sket dari skarang, mesti!

so, i wrote enough craps kot. gooodbye for now. heeeee!

gersangkah anda? something to ponder.

a certain someone asked my opinion about being loyal to our special someone, is it a mandatory or is it not? apparently, the one who came out with such question was a guy, a very thoughtful one! :D

well, it's really up to an individual. but as for me, i believe in karma. what goes around comes around. i dun want my boyfriend to flirt around with some other girls when i faithfully wait for him. how do i react if i get to know that my boyfriend is seeking another girl? that will definitely cost me tears. yeah, hate to admit this but i am that fragile to be frank. i'm a believer, and i believe love is a gift, something that's very pure and miraculous. love does wonders to us all. don't u think so? and it's a shame that some people are just too blind to realize how wonderful love is by making love all fouled-up with the presence of 3rd person.

most of the time, distance is the strongest ever reason for someone to cheat with his other half. that's so pathetic okay. if u can't handle the distance, then i would suggest u not to get involve in this game called love. being in love doesn't necessarily means that u'll be all glued-up to ur other half and that distance won't come in between, bullshit. and being away from ur loved one is not the ticket for u to get a newbie in ur pathetic game. unless ur faraway darling is treating u like shit, i strongly believe that distance doesn't give u the privilege of having a new guy/girl out of the loneliness that u're going thru.

i've been observing for quite some time. this phenomenon is epidemic. almost everyone is getting themselves a new love, leaving behind the faraway darling. and of course, they are fully prepared with the list of reasons on why they are eligible to do so. isn't it a shame? i mean, feeling is not something that we can simply play with. to me, it's something to be cherished, to be taken care of, and it should be looked upon as something that's very precious. sadly, some people fail to think that way.

loneliness injects a lot of negative thoughts inside our mind. i feel that too. i dun have heart of an angel, and i admit that sometimes i do feel like getting myself a new guy to fill up my loneliness. and in fact, i do have every chance of doing so. but 2nd thought about it will definitely bring me back to the real world and i will end up cursing myself for having such filthy, dirty, smutty thoughts.

i must say that distance is really something. but to me, distance means so little when someone means so much. i too make a big fuss over the distance but then again, it stops there. i won't let the distance tells me that my relationship is over and i won't use that lame excuse to flirt with some other guys in the name of fun (or gersang to be precise hahah) as long as my brain is able to function the way it is now, i'm not gonna get involved in this pathetic situation. as much as i expect my faraway darling to respect and wait for me, i'll do the same for him too.

i am definitely not the best example of someone who is loyal to her special one. not that i'm not one. but i believe there's always someone better than me. the message i'm trying to convey in this entry is for us all to cherish our loved ones. love is not something that we can simply find, but it is something that we build. i hope u have something to ponder now :) see ya~

i declare war on terror!

i never really pay that much attention on any bombing attack or anything like this before. but i'm following closely on the updates of mumbai attack. here goes the reasons :

1. because i am now living in india
2. because me and my family are going to delhi and agra soon
3. because there are rumours saying that malaysia has got something to do with this attack(but it's already proven to be wrong)
4. because i've been in that very place some time ago (i wonder if the pakcik hotel is still living, and the waiters in leopold cafe etc etc)

i seriously don't get it. WHY? why do u have to kill innocent people out of your own sake? what do u want? hundreds are killed. in fact, a malaysian woman was killed in mumbai bomb blast. kesian sgt. this attack gives a big impact, not only to indian people, but also to foreigners in india. we don't feel safe. i feel like going back to my hometown right away. but thinking back, no place is guaranteed to be 100% safe anymore.

i'm going to delhi very very soon but all my friends are cancelling their trip to delhi etc out of their fear following this mumbai attack. i asked my dad for his opinion, weather we should go on with the plan or cancel the whole thing. how can we cancel the long-awaited trip? we've spent a lot already. for the flight tickets, visas, hotels in delhi and agra etc etc. and this is not for 1 person, but for my whole family, 8 of us! i couldn't concentrate in class thinking of this. and this is the sms i got from my dad, which convinced me to just go on with the trip ;

"Yelah everything is ready. kite doa and buat smbhyang hajat byk2 mintak pertolongan Allah. Mintak jauhi segala malapetaka and mintak selamat pergi dan balik"

he sounds so skema kan? hahahah but anyway, he's totally right. right now, what we can do is doa and smbahyang hajat, not just for ourselves, but for everybody. doa is the most powerful weapon, remember? let us all berdoa for the world to be a better place to live, no more war, no more bombing or gunshot attack and no more racism.

please, stop the terror.