Thursday, May 17, 2012

are you intimidated?

very often when we step outside our comfort zone and start mingling with people who are not really in our league, intimidation sets in.

but here's a different setting, instead of feeling intimidated with people you're not used to hang out with, you're intimidated with your own partner, partner as in, your own lover. now how does that sound to you? sounds like bull, but it happens in real life.

a number of aspects can be taken into account when talking about intimidation between two lovers. intelligence, physical appearance, wealth and social life.

i have a girl friend who is extremely genius but she's having a real hard time finding a guy who's brave enough to approach her and make her the love of his life. obviously, if you're studying in the same course and the girl performs way better than you (despite all your hardwork) it will definitely lead to the guy being intimidated by the girl's intelligent brain.

it needs two people to work this out. the girl may be a genius and the guy is already intimidated. but she can help the guy to regain his confidence by not being competitive, or asking him questions she knew he can't answer or make him do things he's which is not really his expertise.

instead, if i were to be that girl, i will find the area that the guy is good and talented about and make him stand out with that. it's that simple. take for example, if the guy has a good knowledge about cars and engine and things like that, make him stand out with that.

how? make him feel needed. ask him questions where he can really explain and elaborate like a pro, promote his expertise to your friends who are in need of his help and don't forget to tell him he's absolutely awesome at doing his job. but do it sincerely, don't fake it.

wealth and family status might not be a big issue when you just started out. but along the way, you may unknowingly or unintentionally downgrade your partner's family status. it really happened.

know this, when your lover reveals about her family problem (be it financial or personal), it simply means they trust you and trust that you won't judge her family. but we all know human being makes lots of mistakes and we may have terlepas or tersilap cakap, u know, u don't mean it but u're just suck at choosing ur words.

tips are, listen and comfort her, don't criticize just yet, and more importantly, don't make such a stupid comments. chances are, when we share our family problem, we don't really wish for a solution from you, we just need to be heard. we just wanna share.

and say, if you come from a very rich family, dating someone from middle class family, how do you deal with it? make her feel welcome. maybe the person tak kaya with harta benda, but look at other area, maybe her family kaya dengan nilai2 murni and kasih sayang, kan?

so, in case your partner's family house is a bit small and stuffy, but the house is filled with lovely people, friendly, really welcome you and treat you like family, please, forget about being a diva who cannot tahan staying in stuffy small house like that. enjoy the people, enjoy the talk, be friendly, smile and laugh a lot.

that way, hopefully both parties will feel like they really blend into each other. and there's no more question about feeling intimidated when the richer family forget about being rich and blend in well with the middle class people :)

if you are an introvert and your boyfriend is an extrovert (or vice versa) you might have this intimidation issue also. or if you have a boring life or boring past, but your partner has a cool circle of friends and always up to something, you'll definitely feel intimidated.

unless, the extrovert one makes an attempt to make the introvert one feels accepted and make him part of her circle, this won't be an issue. and for this to happen, it takes more than just a person, it takes the whole group to welcome the shy partner also.

see, a relationship hardly works out if either one of them is intimidated with the other. you cannot be with someone you're intimidated with. you are about to share your life and your dream, and seeing the other person as a way superior person than you, to the extend that makes you feel bad about yourself, is definitely not healthy.

how can you achieve a happy life when you constantly feel inferior with someone you love? you can't.

work it out, talk to your partner, make him help you with your issue :)

this is just my two cents, you might not agree but this is what i feel about it, and what i've been observing all dis while. cheers :)

No comments: