Wednesday, July 4, 2012

cranky little me

it's 10 minutes past 1 in the morning and i've been tossing and turning in my bed for more than 1 hour already, still i couldn't sleep. this sucks.

been thinking about a lot of things. gosh, bed time is the best time to reflect and think, and before you know it, you lost hours of ur beauty sleep already :/ hahaha and somehow, the one thing that was on my mind right before i decided to turn on my laptop and blog at this moment was, me being a fairly hot-tempered person. lol. i know i know. this is so random.

i can get really cranky sometimes. omg. close friends of mine know how hot-tempered i can be when things go wrong and when people mess with me. it's horrible, yes. but one thing that i don't understand is, everytime i do try to be patient, people test my patience even more. is this some kind of game? :/

i believe i WAS once calm and patient, i was that person who can still smile and shut up when people treat me at its worst, i was the kind of person who will repeatedly tell myself that 'it's okay, he won't do it again'. i WAS that person. however, despite my good faith that things will turn out fine and good if i keep being patient, i always end up disappointed.

people really pijak kepala u know. u sabar sabar sabar, believe believe believe, but other ppl keep doing shitty things on you, it sucks okay. in the end, my belief that being patient is the best policy was tarnished. i started becoming a really hot-tempered person.

living in this corrupted country, i became even more hot-tempered. i have low tolerance to bullshit. i can be really rude sometimes that i let my anger gets the best of me. omg. it's horrible. really. imagine a petite (eh?) girl mengamuk beria tepi jalan, how do you find it? horrible sight? hahah probably it is.

the last time i got really lost in rage was with a traffic police. i was on my way home from the hospital, tired and sleepy while driving and suddenly this traffic police blocked my way and asked me to pull over the car to the side. yeah, shit happened.

he wanted to fine me for not wearing seat belt. funny thing was, while fining me and lecturing me about not wearing seat belt while driving, lots of other drivers passed us by, WITHOUT WEARING SEAT BELT. tkde pulak dia nak tahan. hah, my blood was mendidih like crazy waiting to burst je lah. i argued and started yelling and everything, yes, to that traffic police. but he was persistent, he issued a fine statement and gave it to me. what i did? i tore it apart and left for my car. in front of him.

he was yelling at me but i didn't bother, i went to my car and continue marah2 ahaha. sebab i was so penat and sleepy and i actually waited for a friend sebab nak save naik kereta together sekali i kena saman sebab tak pakai seat belt tapi driver kereta lain bole plak berjimba2 tak pakai seat belt diorang tak tahan plak? memang i panas ah.

and he came over, issued another fine statement (gigih ok pakcik ni) and asked for my signature and money! haha babi betul. i took the fine statement, instead of signing on it, i made a big quick scribble on it and throw it on him. he yelled, i took out my money and gave it to him. i masuk kereta cepat2 and drove off quickly. yelah, dalam pada i mengamuk like that, i cuak jugak the police naik angin and bunuh i. wakakakaka.

see how hot-tempered i can be. that's just one of many events.

tapi i tak pernah la buat perangai mcm tu to my friends ahahaa. if i get mad with my friends, i will marah time tu but i will forget the next day. not the kind of person who keeps it for a very long time. to me, if i'm mad about something, i'll burst and get cranky about it, and once it is settled, i'm all good with that person again. sometimes, i'll be the one who says sorry for getting mad and tell the other person that i'm cool about it already.

BUTTTT, i really cannot tolerate people who dunno how to say sorry. omg it's annoying!!! if you think you owe me an apology, do it, apologize!! it doesn't make a person small by saying sorry! it makes the world a better place. i tak faham, some people are so egoistic they never wanna say sorry, it's killing me, and it's killing the friendship/relationship! if i can say sorry, why can't you? if i can admit my mistakes, why can't you? really. can't tolerate this.

eh, i get all cranky again thinking about people who refuse to say sorry. urgh. 1 or 2 times maybe i can just telan and forget bout it, eventually people get tired you know. not getting an apology that i should, i'll get bitter one day.

i honestly hope that when i try my best level to co-operate and be patient and try to deal with some minor bullshit, don't test my patience even more. i can try to be patient, but i need some support too. you can't expect me to be patient at the same time giving me more headaches and bullshit to deal with right?

so yeah. let's make the world a better place.

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