mak paling garang

hi girls!

soooo, i was studying (yes i did :P) hematology, reading something about petechiae and all, and then i end up belek-ing my own pin-point sized petechiae on my upper limbs. ohh wait, i know i'm using jargon now hahaha so let me tell ya what petechiae is.

petechiae is red dots underneath the skin, it could be a symptom for an underlying disease. macam if u gune pen merah pastu conteng dots on ur skin, yeah, something like that, except that u know it doesn't come from the pen ink!

sooo, the petechiae on my skin has been there for forever. i really can't tell when it started to appear, i've worried once or twice bout it but i never really look up about it since it's not painful, nor it is clearly visible, so yeah, i neglected it. it's better to worry about my acne than my pin-point petechiae kan kan. pin-point je pon helloooo. apa ada hal.

but i was in the mood of studying and so i looked up about petechiae in my books and i googled bout it. i googled 'pin-point petechiae on my upper limb'. no kidding man, i'm not the only one. and reading the responses and whatnot on the net freaks me out. freaks the hell out of me. i ni dahla memang hypochondriac, i have this syndrome when i read bout diseases and then i recall i have some of the symptoms, mule la menggelabah thinking that i have that disease!

so, i read and read and read and i freak out more and more. and then i remember the fact that i bruise easily. yes seriously even my boyfriend agreed, i selalu la tetibe ade lebam tktau pasal ape. lagila i menggelupur cuak. so i just texted my mom ni ha, asking her if we have family history of any blood disorder other than thalassemia (oh yes, my siblings are all thalassemia trait positive except me and sarah :/) and i had to wake my bf up in the middle of the night to tell him all about this. i can't wait until tomorrow morning sebab i tengah cuak niiiii. i baca the differential diagnosis - low platelet count (okay that doesn't sound so bad), autoimmune disease (what?), lupus (what the hell????) and leukemia (okkkk seriously go to hellllll i takutttt dah)

my sane mind and sedikit sebanyak ilmu medicine i (ewah) mcm convinced myself la takkan la leukemia kot, i'm healthy as for now, if i have that big of an illness i don't think i can still live healthily skarang. but anyway, i have to look up for the causes of why i have these small2 petechiae on my upper limb and why do i bruise easily. esok, i nak pergi attack Dr. Spurgeon i, since i memang follow dia ward round pagi2.

anyway, this kinda remind me of my mom la sebenarnya. everytime i have doubts thinking that i have major disease inside my body, the first person i will consult n tanya everything is my mom since she has medical background also.

tapi mak i ni dia bukan jenis macam mak2 orang lain. kalau anak ngadu demam, mak orang lain mesti macam "omg anak mak demam??? anak mak ok tak niiii????" mak lagi menggelabah dari anak yang demam. my mom? memang tak la ok. my mom kalau i cakap i demam panas berhari2 pun die lek je ckp 'ha mkn la ubat, rehat cukup2, nnt baik la tu' hahahaha. rasa kurang kasih sayang pun ada tau.

when i was in KMS, on this one fine day, i suddenly felt lump in my breast. dalam kepala otak i, could it be...that i have breast cancer???? i called up my mom, cerita macam drama habis, i told her i want to go back right away and have it checked right away sebab i takut sangat2 dah ni. u know what my mom said?

"kakak tkyah balik, tkde ape tu"

dia boleh cakap tkde ape?????? i macam okkkk, bengang tau. i rase macam, mak i ni tak sayang i tau. anak dia suspect breast cancer dia bole buat taktau. i sedih mak i tak kasi balik, tak suro i pegi check pun. kalau i betul ade cancer camne, nanti dh end stage camne, nanti too late for treatment camne, nanti i mati camne? mak i tak fikir ke semua tu? sedih gila ok.

tapi i degil, i went back jugak. i went to the clinic with my dad sebab my mom malas nak layan. she repeatedly cakap "tkde pape tu, mak tau la tkde pape, mak kan doctor". i cam stress, takkan tkde pape kot. mak aku ni tak sayang aku, confirm.

went to see the doctor, she confirmed it. memang takde pape pun wahahahahahaha. breast cancer wak lu i was only 18 or 19 time tu (though it's not impossible for an 18-yr-old girl to hv one, it's actually very unlikely) and yeah, it's really nothing. she said i can either have it removed by surgery or let it be. i dengar surgery time tu, sumpah i nangis depan doctor tu. drama queen since forever :/

so i went back home, my mom dah sengih2 cakap "kan mak dah ckp tkde pape, tkde breast cancer nye, takmo dengar cakap mak, orang kate tkyah balik dulu sebab nanti2 boleh check, kakak degil, nak jgk balik, ha ikut kau la'' pastu gelak gelak gelak. lol

wakakakakakkaa. yelahhhh, anak mak ni time tu mane blaja medic lagi, mane la nk tau breast cancer ke apa. dia leh slambe je takmo layan anak tgh menggelupur thinking that she has breast cancer.

tu lah i cakap. my mom ni one of a kind, i rase dia tak sepatutnye jadi surirumah or doctor, dia patut masuk army ke apa, coz the way she brought us up, pedepergghhhhh, hidup i ni macam kene pantau ngan askar. sumpah. dahla garang gila. garang gila gila gila gila i know nobody will believe me sebab muka mak i muka ibu paling lembut skali. tapi pleaselah, she's the garang-est mom i ever know.

but because of her way of bringing us up ni lah, i think kitorang ni tkde la end up jadi anak manja yg gedik sangat tu. setakat boleh gedik dengan my dad jek. nak gedik dengan my mom? dalam mimpi je lah ok.

tapi when i sakit yang bebetul sakit, she really take care of me lah. one of my fav moment masa i had appendicectomy. i was warded for about a week (i think so, dah lama), she took care of me at the hospital, bawak i pegi toilet semua, layan i muntah2 semua hihiks. time tu i can gedik lol. okay dah rindu my mom dah. hiks. terus hilang semua risau petechiae :P

so that's all i guess. i nak bersahur ni! hihiks. daaa.