march baby :D

it's 1st march 2009, and so i turn 22 today. thanks for all the birthday wishes i got through the phone, sms, facebook, yahoo messenger and some from friendster. especially to my parents who miraculously wished me right on time. ;p yep, very rare occasion. thanks thanks thanks u know u make my day :)



special thanks to my botak boyfriend. i celebrated my birthday with him last night. i love the cake, the foood was superb, and the presents, i love them all :) above all, i love having u next to me. hehehe. mekaseh budak botak. mekaseh banyak2 sangat2 i love u so much! :D

and my besties made a video for me. thanks a lot girls i love it love it love it sampai nangis2 tengok. special thanks to farah who posted the video in her blog. and double triple thanks to all of u girls farah, nad, muz, julie and aenn!! i really do love the video! so sweet! i love love love my babes! :) here's the video ;




please note that this was nad's idea :) u never fail to make my day! hehe

am now a year older. hahahah. 22 and loving it? ;p thanks once again to those who remember my birthday.

p/s : blessed to have the people that i love, and people who love me. couldn't ask for more.

free show

selsema teruk hari ni. tapi degil jugak nak pegi dinner dengan boyfriend. so tadi dia datang my apartment, nak amek i. plan nak makan dekat casino je. so pegi la cari auto. dahla takde auto dpn apartment, terpaksa menapak jauh sikit nak cari auto. dah 15 minit jalan baru dapat auto.

tatau kenapa malam ni jammed gila. berhenti kat junction traffic light tu. ade la sorang mamat india takde otak ni berdiri tengah2 jalan. driver auto i ni marah la kat dia sebab menyusahkan pengguna jalan raya yang lain. mamat tu pulak melawan. driver auto ni tanak kalah. so start perang mulut. tersembur2 air liur dorg gaduh. i dok belakang ni dah cuak. pergh. tak pepasal dapat menonton tayangan gambar hindi (or kel-ng) free.

daripada perang mulut versi bahasa kannada (bahasa ibunda dekat bangalore), mereka mara dengan aksi yg lebih ganas. mamat yg takde otak tu start menggila tahap moksya. tapi driver auto i pun satu, lagi mau layan orang takde otak ni. auto driver i turun padang (oh tak, turun dari auto sebenarnya) mula dgn tolak menolak sambil tengking menengking versi bahasa kannada. lepas tu mamat jalanan tu tolak auto driver i dkt seat dia sambil pegang dkt leher. ok ini dah cuak. me and my bf kat blakang kot. ktorang tgk je. rasa cam nak record tapi kang tak pasal2 camera i pulak yg melayang. tapi mmg time ni dh bergaduh tahap ganas. tapi tah kenapa kitorang stay je dlm auto tu. hahahahaha. polis traffic yg pakai topi koboi tu pun datang kononnye nak jadi hero tapi hero taik kucing. i pun mencuba nasib untuk stopkan diorang gaduh.
"stop!stop!" ahahahaha tapi obviously 2-2 mangkuk hayun ni tak dengar and diorang terus je bergaduh and we kept watching ahahaha.

then mamat yg diri tgh jalan ni tolak auto driver ni and dia pulak duduk kat seat auto tu and mcm nak start enjin balik. what the heck? ni mmg tak boleh jadi. time ni baru la me and my bf keluar dari auto ni. tatau ape dia nak buat sebenarnya. nak bawak lari auto orang ni ke? dahla time tu jammed amat. last2 menapak. dari traffic light nak keluar my apartment tu sampai ke beijing bites. tak jadi pegi casino. tak pepasal.

bongok punya orang india. yang kau pegi diri tgh2 jalan tu pehal? pastu nak bertumbuk2 plak. polis traffic pulak lembik mcm badut. hish. tah pape la orang india ni.

mari mengamuk bersama saya

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! sgt rase nk jerit out loud and puas2 sebab mcm lega sgt medicine test dah habis! but i still feel miserable. yes i didn't do well i did not i did not i did not! hello, medicine posting kitorang baru je sebulan and dah belajar byk system. respiratory system, abdomen, central nervous system and cardiovascular system. within 1 month la kan, whut u do expect? stakat nk grab the basic things tu pon dah tercungap2 nak mati lagi pulak nk igt sume name penyakit n buat differential diagnosis kejadah. mmg explode jugak otak aku.

mlm tadi mmg dah rase nk give up. i have plenty of time to read but i dunno where to begin. it's just too much nak mampos. tak sempat nk relax lepas test pathology, kene plak test medicine kan. dahla theory and practical buat on the same day. pergh. rase nak je buat perangai tanak datang hospital amek test. last2 mlm td tido awal. kol 11 aku dh bantai tido. mmg dah hati kering. ape nak jadi jadi la. aku malas nk pk dah because medicine is not something u can learn in one night. sumpah tak tipu. so cam dah tekad, mampos la nanti aku kena maki ke ape ke i just can't take it. so i slept.

theory paper tadi MCQ bole la kot. yg tak bole blahnye, short essay 1 soalan 50 markah! apekah? cacat nak mati. ahh, aku bantai je tulis ape yang aku tau. tulis segala benda ape2 yg aku rase aku tau aku tulis je. ye mari tulis mari tulis. janji tak tinggal kosong. then bebudak batch B dah boleh balik cuz diorang dh buat practical test the day before. and kitorang budak2 batch A kene la stayback for practical test plak.

aku dpt patient with diabetis mellitus and hypertension. pushpa 60 years old. the part that i hate the most bila buat history taking ni is the language barrier! argh tension gila s*al! kalau patient tu tak reti english mmg susah amat la. kene cari translator. translator ni selalunya nurse2 kat hospital tu. kadang2 diorang ni not reliable. kita suruh tanya lain, dia tanya benda lain. kadang2 die plak pandai2 bagitau patient tu sakit kat mane ape sume. rase nk sepak tak diorang? tadi mmg aku terkedek2 susah payah cari translator. bila dh dpt, tak smpai 5 minit die kena blah sbb ade kerja. pergh. aku ni nak kene tanya memacam kat makcik 60 thn tu. tension2.

ok dh lame2 tu dpt gak la translator. ade information yg aku tipu2 sikit. lantakla janji pandai cover dengan doctor tu kan. the patient came with a complaint of severe headache, vomitting and she has very high blood pressure. so since she got headache and vomitting, so i decided to do CNS and CVS investigation. berpeluh2 lagi pening2 la aku inspect, palpate, percuss and auscultate the patient. dahla makcik tu mmg weak amat. sian pulak kat dia. tak pepasal jadi sample utk examination aku nih. yg doctor ni pun, bagila patient yg sihat2 sikit. haih.

dah habis examine the makcik, kene tunggu doctor datang and i have to present the case and buat all the physical examination in front of the doctor if required. pergh. ni lagi satu part yg dibenci. punyalah berjam2 aku tunggu dr. jacob ni. tak datang2. dah nak dkt pukul 12, which is time aku patut balik sebenarnye, barulah nampak muka dia. and so i presented the case and dia suruh buat a few CNS tests to check for meningitis. ada yang tau, ade yg tau sikit2 jer. yg penting i didn't do really well. lama jugak dengan dr jacob ni. memacam soalan dia tanye. pergh. pergh. pergh. tapi takpe, dah habis pun. sekarang aku dah lega and i dun wanna know my marks.

speaking about marks. i am so totally annoyed with my pediatric viva. f*cked up gila okay! my mark is not even half. bila tanya member2 yg dpt markah tinggi "doctor tu tanye ape kat korang?" diorang ckp, "oh senang je, die tanye aku satu soalan je, aku dh dpt 18/20. then die suro blah" WTF?!! dahla SATU SOALAN yg die tanye tu was so damn EASY and SIMPLE, it's like the first thing u want to memorize and that's it and they got high marks!! wtf? aku dapat soalan susah kot. i mean, fine maybe tak susah. but as a beginner in pediatric, yg posting hanya 2 weeeks, the questions that she asked me are not something that we really want to memorize, at least not yet in this early stage. dahla she bombarded me with 3 DIFFICULT QUESTIONS and fine sebab aku tak boleh jawab aku dapat low. but at least tanya la soalan yg sama taraf ngan kesusahan soalan aku dkt orang lain? howcome the doctor hanya tanye the grading of clubbing and terus bagi 18/20? at least if nak tanya soalan senang, tanya la semua students soalan senang jugak. or if nak tanye soalan susah, tanye la semua students soalan susah. bapak ah. mane standardization? the marks are definitely not something comparable! aaahhhh im so f*cking annoyed la hello ni carry marks kot? rasa nak je pegi kat doctor tu and tell her about her being so unfair and sgt tak standardize.

yes i blame myself sebab tk tau jawab. i won't be complaining IF AND ONLY IF there is standardization. but now the thing is, doctor tu suke hati mak bapak dia! she doesn't know what she's doing to my marks. errggghhhhh kalau macam tu she can ask me about grading of clubbing only and i can get 18/20 jugak! but no, dia pegi tanya psl dullness over tah mane2 ni penyakit ape, systolic and diastolic murmur la, and a few others! BLOODY! tau la ni just test tp argh sgt annoyed nk mati i thought of biarkan je bende ni but smpai dalam bus pagi tadi and in fact smpai sekarang pon i am still totally bengang ok! SO UNFAIR!

waa nk nangis. my mom selalu kata medic senang. tipu sume tu tipu.

(sorry if u find this entry offensive. some of u mungkin antara yg dpt soalan senang n high marks. or maybe susah n still got high marks. )

p/s : grading of clubbing tu takde kene mengena dengan clubbing dkt club ok. clubbing is bulbous enlargement of terminal phalanges. usually seen in cardiac failure etc etc. ni gambar clubbing. if rasa2 jari2 korang ade rupa camni, pegi la ke clinic atau hospital berhampiran ok.

degenerating brain vs laziness.

just got back! done with pathology test! i would say the questions are all simple and easy, but blame me for my last minute attitude. coming up is theory and practical test for medicine posting which will be held on saturday! *mangkuk hayun betul saturday pun nak kacau ke?* ergh, it has been a long n tiring week for me, and the week is yet to end! oh i feel so miserable.

***

have u ever feel like ur brain is degenerating? once upon a time, u were the top scorer. u don't even have to prepare 1 week earlier for the final exam but u still managed to shine so bright. i wish i don't have to stay up all nite (which i rarely do anyway) to come out with distinction in every subject. i wish i can just read all the medical reference books while watching movie and munching snacks on my bed and still come out with distinction. i wish i can sleep so soundly during the lecture and still manage to answer the questions asked. yeah, how i wish. i wish i'm a genius.

i always thought i was a genius when i was young. little kid u know. hahahahaha. now i guess i'm not. honestly, i don't want to just pass my exam, but i wanna pass with flying colors, yep, distinction they call it. but a big fat lazy ass student like me doesn't look like someone who deserves one. God help me to be a little more hardworking, if not much.

so, is it my brain that is degenerating? or is it my laziness?

p/s : the upcoming test doesn't look so easy too. haih. marilah membaca. marilah marilah. *marilah tido petang!* sekian, selamat petang.

sweet like chocolate

having your boyfriend as a personal photographer sure is sweet (yes nad?)

having your boyfriend to play the guitar and sing a love song to you is double sweeet!

having an artistic boyfriend who can actually draw a portrait of you is definitely a big big big bonus!

above all, having azar syazwan as my boyfriend is the sweetest thing ever :)

home sweet home~

yes, i'm going back home sweet home this march. i'm not quite sure why. i have actually promised to myself not to go home until september 2008. and i have quite a number of reasons not to go back ;

1. because my family had already pay me a visit last december (till 2nd jan)
2. because the flight tix is ridiculously expensive
3. because i have my internal assessment examination right after the holiday
4. because my besties won't be around (farah is going to aussie, nad, zayani and ain won't be in malaysia too :( :( :( )

but the decision is final. i've printed the flight tickets today! will not go back to malaysia by MAS, will be flying with tiger airways instead *which will first stop at singapore* and to KL by air asia. and go back to bangalore by MAS. complicated? i don't care. as long as i can save some money! MAS is sooooo expensive and mind u, i pay the flight tickets on my own. my parents won't be contributing any ;p *oh my dad kate die bole support rm10. ciss!*

and so what's the plan in malaysia? not an interesting topic to be discussed because everyone seems to be busy during my holiday! takpe2, i'll date myself yeay! and the sibblings! :D nothing much can be done in 2 weeks time anyway, and i know this is kinda impossible, but i gotta at least touch and selak a few pages of pathology, pharmacology, forensic and microbiology. yes yes being me, this mission looks extremely impossible!

the old days was a lot simple, compared to what i have to go through now. my boarding school was in KL (seri puteri science school) and my college was just in seremban (kolej mara seremban) and it took me less than 1 hour to reach my home sweet home in shah alam. even when i was in seremban, i knew the meaning of homesick and i did feel that for quite a number of times (rasa nak sepak kan?padahal rumah dekat je!) when i was sick, my dad will come all the way from shah alam to pick me up, even though it was just a typical high fever. he'll do that. now i guess, my homesick is even worse, in fact, it is wayyyyy too terukkk everytime i fall sick. i can't call my dad and ask him to pick me up anymore :( :(

last nite, i had severe severe severe vertigo (kepale pusing2 i couldn't even walk right cuz everything around me was spinning around) i forced myself to sleep but i couldn't until i finally vommit. it gets a little better but the same thing repeated around 3 am. and this morning, i forced myself to go to class (i had pharmacology practical which i already skipped last week) that's quite an achievement u know! if it's not because of the attendance, i would have spend all day in my bed. but i went back after community medicine class because i need to have an adequate rest to go to my dancing class! ahaha the point is, i miss my parents who took care of me when i was sick.

i guess i'm all grown up and it's time for me to take care of myself and stop dreaming about my dad to come and pick me up whenever i get sick. that's so childish. i know i know. pardon me for that. hahahah. ohh. how i wish i have KTM komuter from bangalore to shah alam. just like seremban and shah alam. life was so simple. now, there's no such thing as simplicity anymore :( distance is getting longer, study is getting harder and i'm getting older.

i miss home! i swear to God i miss home!

valentine's day special

ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha tajuk je pun dah geli. apakah? tak, saya bukan nak buat special promotion pembelian hadiah2 romantic buat gf/bf anda. jika berhajat untuk berbuat demikian, sila kunjungi pusat beli belah berdekatan anda! tapi waittttt!

every year when valentine's day is approaching, maka ramailah orang yg akan mengingatkan antara satu sama lain about hukum menyambut valentine's day. ada yang no comment. ada yang kata orang2 ni tak cool. ada jugak yang terus tak jadi sambut valentine's day. err, saya? saya mungkin jatuh dalam category no comment. lagipun, i never really celebrate valentine's day and valentine's day was never a significant day in my life.

pernah kena prank on valentine's day ade la! ni adalah hasil usaha gigih rakan2 yang extra creative. beria2 hantar card and bunga dekat saya yang sememangkan sedang melalui zaman selenger ketika itu. maka hati berbunga2 walaupun kaver cemerlang lebih kurang mcm ni ; "ishhhh, apehal lak aku dapat bunga ni? tah sesape je malas nak layan, biar je la" ecececececececececey! itu kan ayat typical perempuan tengah perasan ada orang syok kat dia hahahahahahaahahhahahahhaha and kawan2 saya yang tak guna ni pulak lagi mau cucuk2 kasi member diorang sorang ni lagi perasan! sempat jugak la sampai 24 jam saya terkena dengan diorang. kurang ajar punye member! cis korang! sedap korang golek golek gelakkan aku ye!

oh lagi satu cerita yang tak berapa penting dalam sejarah hidup but since it happened on valentine's day, why not kan? dulu2 zaman muda-mudi, pernah la bercinta2 puppy kan. korang pun semua mesti pernah kan? time tu masa valentine's day, tak dapat nak buat apa because i had something going on, maka tak dapat la pulak nak berdating dekat tepi tasik sambil baling2 batu dlm tasik mcm couple2 lain. nak dijadikan cerita, my cinta puppy mulalah buat plan B. the plan B was to have a date with another girl. cis kau! i had no idea about it! ececey saya memang innocent amat. *konon!* tapi nak tau what happened? on his way to pick up that girl, he had an accident WAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA padan muka kauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!! ok boleh gelak besar sebab dia bukan accident jatuh gaung atau kena langgar lori minyak sampai kereta tu meletup. just remuk secukup rasa. ha, peringatan dekat boyfriend sendiri, jgn main2 dgn i tauuuu! ;p ;p ;p

told u, nothing really great about valentine's day to me. to me, valentine's day is just another day. kalau nak bagi card ke bunga ke chocolate ke ape ke tak perlu tunggu valentine's day because i still accept those things pada hari2 biasa *boyfriend saya sila take note hahahahahaha*

maka dengan ini, saya mengakhiri karangan saya pada hari ini dengan pesanan buat couple2 seluruh dunia, kalau nak curang pun pilih lah hari yang elok sikit ek. sekian terima kasih.

saya dan hidup saya lately.

i have clinical tests every saturday now. what the heck?
coming up is pediatric test, followed by medicine the next saturday and dermatology! what the heck wat wat?
and endless pathology and pharmacology seminars. yeah, all the presentations. twice a week. what the heck again?
more and more tests coming up!
tadi pun ade 1 test, pediatric practical.
next thursday, i'll be having 2 tests. medicine test in the morning, and pathology in the evening.
and hear me say, kitorang hanya ada cuti for a total of 6 weeks only in this year! 3 times cuti, 2 weeks setiap kali cuti. yang bestnye, lepas cuti 2 minggu tu terus ada internal assessment examination. cuti apekah itu? more like study leave. nak balik malaysia pun tak aman.
but i'm coming home anyway. mampus le.
tapi sgt tak fair, ade tempat lain yg cuti just for 6 weeks in a year keee??
ade keeee??? mcm tak je!
wah, hecticnye. hecticnye. hecticnye. mati sekarang.

p/s : semoga saye menjadi doctor yg kaya di masa hadapan sebagai reward kepada student life yg hectic. amin. amin. amin. *ala kalau aku kaya korang jugak untung, aku bagi la discount sikit2 hahahaha*

can u relate?

i just started my paediatric posting last week! and yesterday, we had a class on CNS (central nervous system) yeah, my favourite! i love neurology! (been telling the same thing for the upteenth time) it was a 2-hour lecture, yea we almost crack our brain(s) because it was too much to digest within 2 hours time. but what keeps me awake is the topic itself, because i can actually relate it to my brother and the complications that he had during his birth. i almost shed some tears during the lecture.

i'm a big loser in bowling, and yeah he
had fun kalahkan his sister in bowling

CNS concerns with the brain, spinal cord and all the nerves involved. brain develops very rapidly in children and during intra-uterine life (when u're still in ur mother's womb). brain is extremely sensitive to oxygen deprivation (or medically, it is referred to as hypoxia) , and any lack of oxygen may cause permanent damage to the brain or even worse, necrosis in some part of the brain ( necrosis means cell death) that's because some brain cells start dying less than 5 minutes after their oxygen supply is cut!

and this was what happened during the birth of my little brother. he had his umbilical cord wound up all around him causing hypoxia. and the hypoxia causes some damage to some specific areas of his brain and for that reason, he had delayed milestone. he got to gain his walking ability a little later than that of the normal kids and he had hearing difficulties and speech problem.

Alhamdulillah, he can now cope up with his walking ability and he has no physical weakness at all. in fact, he can now drive, even better than me ;p. but what is more profound in my brother is his hearing difficulties and speech problem. but my brother is strong enough to face all his difficulties, really adore him! Allah really is great for giving my brother such strength. he had undergone much of speech therapies before, and there were times when he had to wear a hearing device meant to assist him in his hearing. being him is definitely not easy, but he managed to stay calm and confident :) i love him truly!

as a big sister, of course i wish this thing never happen to him so that he can lead a normal life like a normal boy. but every cloud has a silver lining, no matter how painful and difficult it might seem, there's always hikmah that lies within it. and i believe in that. i believe everything happens for a reason.

my dearest Amir, i love u! :)

my handsome boy

blast from the past : 14 years ago~!

2 jelutong 1995
find me!
clues : super selenger, front row

silly little things about me

tagged by my bestfriend, nadia ismail. this is for u!

Once you've been tagged, you have to write a post with sixteen random things, habits or goals about you. At the end, choose six people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them.



1. my family, relatives, neighbours and family friends call me intan, and some of them don't even know my name. sgt takde kene mengena dengan nama betul tapi they've been calling me intan since i was a baby. in fact, masa kecik2 around 3/4 tahun, i thought my fullname was intan nur zahirah. ahahahha. p/s : diorang panggil intan sebab kononnye time kecik i kuat nangis and orang2 tua advised utk bagi nickname lain and it so happened that bila panggil intan i stopped throwing tantrum.


2. masa kecik2 selalu tgk tv orang kalau nak bunuh diri nanti die potong urat kat tangan tu, dkt the wrist. and smpai sekarang kalau orang pegang my wrist kuat2 bole rasa terkejut plus rase cam cuak and takut nanti termati. ahahahahha sgt bangang ok. tapi tak tau, the feeling comes automatically.


3. motion sickness melampau2. sgt benci ok. kalau pegi sunway lagoon tu, lepas naik any rides, mesti muntah2 sebab pening gila tapi nanti degil jugak nak naik. or simply drive pagi2 time perut kosong, mesti pening. oh, my hunger always leads to headache! who's with me??? anyone??


4. tak suke sayur2 hijau yg berdaun like kangkung, sawi, bayam, pegaga erm ape lagi tah? kecuali daun sup and daun ketumbar. hahahahah. tapi carrot, mushroom, kobis, petola, kacang buncis boleh je diterima perut.


5. pernah undergo surgery, twice. best sbb dapat attention lebih hahahahaa. tapi sumpah sakit gile.


6. cita2 time kecik2 dulu nak jadi artis. hahahahahaha. nak jadi penyanyi and pelakon wahahaha rasa lawak pulak. kalau dalam buku biodata dulu2 ambition mesti tulis penyanyi/pelakon.


7. becoming more and more like my mom. contohnye baju mahal tak masuk washing machine (pdhal kat rumah dulu gune jugak washing machine senyap2 kalau my mom tau mesti die mengamuk) and sgt tak suke sink rumah congested dengan pinggan mangkuk yg tak basuh (pdhal kat rumah dulu pantang my mom takde, main tinggal je pinggan wahahah keji gile dulu!)


8. had enough of being a playgirl masa lower form. hahahahah. ye, lower form sahaja. sekarang sudah retire. if you are 24 yrs onwards and still a playboy/playgirl, mmg aku benci kau!


9. kuat ponteng sekolah daripada sekolah rendah lagi. and it runs in the family, my sibblings are all the same. tapi now kene extra careful because attendance is really a big issue!


10. dulu suka tindik telinga banyak2. my left ear ade 4 lubang, and my right ade 2 lubang. hahaha jgn tanye kenapa lain2. itu time form 2 mcmtu, kononnye rasa cool. hahahaaha. now malas nak byk2 dah. 1 lubang sudeyh.


11. tahap kemalasan belajar yg sukar ditandingi. kecuali masa nak dkt2 exam. kenapelah mcm ni ye?


12. suke study sambil nyanyi kuat2 for hours sampai hilang semua energy baru senyap. roommate2 mmg orang2 yg penyabar. terima kasih roommate kms and roommate kat india ;p


13. agak phobia nak cross jalan raya bukan jalan depan rumah ok. sebab darjah 1 pnah nak kene langgar dengan kereta, siap kereta tu dh kena myself tp yg miraclenye kereta tu stop time tu jugak and driver tu dh siap tutup2 mata and buat aksi cuak baru lepas bunuh orang. nasib baik aku hidup lagi. darjah 4 pernah mcm nak kena langgar bus. 21 tahun ade pulak motor datang from the opposite site and buat emergency break bebetul tepi aku. kan baby kan? menyesal tak mencarut dkt orang tu okayy! sebab time tu terkejut gila sampai terdiam rasa nak pengsan.


14. never really fancy a gadget. cukup la laptop acer tah zaman bila ni. and cukuplah handphone sekangkang kera ni. and cukuplah camera yg tak seberapa ni. gadget lain2 mmg aku tak knal. hahahah.


15. i hate myself when i love someone.


16. my favourite quote ; "orang yg elok, dicampak ke laut jadi pulau, di campak ke hutan jadi gunung". meaning, it's not the place/surrounding that makes a person, it's u urself. my mom always tell me that. really adore her! :)

i tag :
- orang yg takde idea nk post ape tapi feels like writing something.

right guy, wrong city.

kenape perlu post gambar gedik kami berdua? hahahaha! simple, because i miss this guy a little too much! lately sgt jarang gayut and sharing is caring. no, it's not like what u think. we're cool. i love him still and he loves me too ira loves azar azar loves ira and i miss azar azar misses me too *aha okay stop sebelum kene lempang!* it's just that he's now on study leave and he needs to really concentrate on his studies, so that's why! rindu rindu rindu! sangat benci benci benci tgk couple-couple yg bertaburan di sekitar tempat belajar. sgt tak suke tak suke tak suke kalau teroverheard couple-couple tengah discuss weekend nanti nak pergi dating dekat mana. because i can't do the same thing. hm, rindu sama little dinosour!

(mood rindu malam ni agak melampau)

new love!!

curious? it's my bollywood dancing classss!!!! yeay clap clap!! before any of u get any sceptical upon hearing this bollywood dancing class, i warn u, bollywood dancing isn't that easy! bollywood dance doesn't mean indian traditional dance yang pakai gelang kaki byk2 pastu hentak2 kaki and goyang2 kepala tu, that's not it. bollywood dance is combination of modern dance with a little touch of indian culture la konon cewah. *main bantai je ni* no really, it's more like a modern dance, what we usually see in modern bollywood movies. and why so sceptical about indian dance anyway? haven't u heard that i love dancing? and i love just any types of dance! be it malay traditional dance, be it latin, be it indian or chinese, modern or traditional, be it hiphop or breakdancing, i just them all, i mean, i love watching people dance. i adore passionate dancers!

i'm not a good dancer though i've got myself involved in all sorts of dance classes before. since i was in primary school up until my college life, i was the all time member of kelab kebudayaan dan kesenian. yeah we rarely find a school/college which provides a modern dance club, of course, they want to preserve our culture to the youngsters. and so, i've done much of malay traditional dance before. when breakdancing was the in-thing back in 2002, i had lots of guy friends who can actually do breakdancing and do what they call freestyles moves. yeah i was very much amazed on how they can actually manage to do that. i remember asking a friend of mine to teach me the basic steps but i surrendered from the very beginning. it was damn tough! hahaha and in high school, i've done a little bit of salsa and cha-cha! and the modern dance! among all, the dance for the song 'objection- by shakira' was my all time favourite!! u see, it has a little bit of tango moves in that song, and it was uberly cool but i can hardly remember the steps anymore, it was few years back!

when i was in KMS, i was the member of traditional dance club. and we had to organize a cultural night where all sorts or dance need to be performed that night. we managed to have dancers for malay traditional dance, indian, chinese and some others i cant remember. but the best dance, i would say, was indian dance! ok sape tgk this cultural night hands up? sape agree indian dance was the best hands up?? and before i came to india, i had a thought of joining indian dancing class, yup long beforeee! after a year of staying here, finally i managed to find a dancing class with reasonable fees, yes, finally here :D

so happy! today was my 1st dance lesson! yesterday i had trial dance class for salsa! salsa was more relaxed and i would say, a lot easier compared to bollywood dance! bollywoood dance was sooooo tiring and sgt meliuk lentok and not to mention, sgt best!!! and belum pape dah lebam sebelah lutut hari ni sebab one of the routines requires me bend down on my knee and since the beat is so fast, so cam nak cpt kan, time step tu terus hentak je kat lutut tuuu! hahah kan dh lebam! but it was cool! at least i got to try something new, something 'indian' *since i am now staying in india!*

okay sebenarnye sgtla penat. u know, i hate sports. sports = torture. but i love dance. dance works the same way as sports in the sense that dance pun bole basah kuyup sebab berpeluh. so at least now i have something to compensate my laziness in sports. okay, i need to rejuvenate myself, nak mandi! after this pengsan kot. hahahah

so for that i conclude my entry for today. i love bollywood dancing class. heeeeeeeee.

*pics are still not available, maybe nnti2 kitorang amek gambar!*

i let the cats out.

now i wanna spill everything that i've been feeling all this while! keep in mind that i'm too a normal human being, full of emotions, and i might consciously use offensive words, yes, consciously. u can choose to stop reading now, u know that right?

***

why the hell some freaking people keep on taking advantage on me? they know the very fact that i dont usually express to the whole wide world when im mad at them, yea i keep silent because i hate to express my anger, at least not to the people that i'm mad at, especially when they're my friends, or close friends, whoever they are. (exception kepada orang india local) and they know the very fact that i can hardly merajuk or buat2 marah and then tanak ckp etc etc, that's so not me okayyyy!!!!! but that doesn't mean that u can keep on taking advantage on me! and yes, i dont know how to order people, really suck at this! i hate to tell people to do this and that because i bloody don't care what u wanna do in ur life but when the things that u do affect the people around u, that's a totally different thing baby! and when i freaking give some hint, some bloody people just ignore it like it's nothing. hello, are u blind or what? or are u deaf?? maybe some people are just simply stupid despite having powerful brain for academic purpose, but when it comes to common sense, gila loser bodoh nak mati.

my silence doesn't mean i'm emotionless! my silence doesnt mean u can play me. and my silence doesn't mean i'm a dead bloody zombie who can never pull a fight with someone else! but my conscious mind tells me that's not the right thing to do and that's why i'm letting u to use ur bloody rusty dusty brain to think and work out for some common sense!! and some brain(s) has really undergone necrosis that u can't even think of a simple common sense and tell you what, i'm sick of that!

i wish i can be super ignorant. i wish i never bother to care about anyone's feelings at all because nobody really care about what i feel. and when i tolerate about certain things, that doesn't mean u can push me to tolerate more and more u monkeyyy!!! where do u live really, in a cave? u have no idea about give and take, are u? maybe u need to take up a class specially meant to teach u human relationship! even monkeys have a better civilisation than u! pity pity pity u!

yea pardon me for my weaknesses. im nothing like u who can simply order people to do this and that. im nothing like u who can pull faces when ur mad at me and hold urself from talking to me. im nothing like u really. this morning i asked for a simple help and u made up stories so that u can escape from helping me(seriously it was the simplest help ever and sgt tak luak kalau tlg ok) i knew it, i mean, it was bloody obvious. if u think of making up a story, do it right so that i wont know and i wont get hurt. though i know u were lying, i can still smile and say nice things to u. see how weak i am?

not just u, u woman. there are a few others. i've no conflicts with these people, really. i hope they too have nothing against me. but their lack of common sense and very ignorant mind hurts me badly sometimes. u may not mean what u do. u may not mean what u say. but why can't u use a little bit of ur brain to analyze ur action and its effects on people around u a little more?

im bloody suffocated now. im not quite sure of what i exactly need at this moment. sometimes, u have to go through things alone and at one point of ur life, u will find that nobody in this world really, i mean, really understand u. yeah, sometimes u need ur time alone to work things up!

***

unkind.

where were you when everything was falling apart?