deep down

so i've made a vow to myself to improve my attendance! especially in community medicine class i've been neglecting for months and months, and in clinical posting (which is improving so much especially in the last surgery posting) and not to mention in theory classes for clinical subjects on friday. my attendance for practicals is still under control but am not planning to skip any in the near future. ewah ewah.

i mendapat hidayah utk stop (err, i think it's better for me to use the word 'kurangkan' daripada 'stop') ponteng class because i think it's about time for me to get serious in this profession. i need to remind myself over and over again that im not learning to pass my exam but im learning to become a good doctor in the future and help those people who are in need. ponteng clinical is indeed kerugian yg sgt besar because u don't always get the chance to see the patients with particular disease, even if u have, u don't always have the opportunity to discuss the case with the doctor.

and my mom always remind me, being in medical field doesn't mean u need to always read whatever written in the books, what is more important is ur practical and clinical skills. even if u know every facts about medicine, if u fail to apply it accordingly, u won't become a good clinician. and yes, i agree. so there shouldn't be anymore reasons for me not to do the history taking (regardless of the annoying language barrier - how i wish i can speak indian language fluently now)

and another thing that matters, effort. a certain someone said to me few weeks back "kalau ira jadi lecturer/doctor yg buat class tp student ramai tak datang ira rase ape? disappointed kan?" i really was terdiam for a moment and i couldnt agree more. whatever she said was true. the doctors were preparing so much for us but i really take it for granted. whatever classes that are already over, are really over. there'll be no repeated classes for those who bunk classes and whatever i've missed, i will miss. i need to work things out on my own to catch up.

and yes, let's not skip the morning clinical class even if i have test in the evening. skipping morning class doesn't always mean i'll be up studying for the evening test. it only give me extra hours to sleep.

this isn't school anymore. this isn't just about passing exams. passing exam doesn't guarantee u to become a good clinician. i know kesedaran like this datang once in a while and it might fade away after some time but i'm hoping for myself to improve bit by bit. and i sgt sedar with my sifat pemalas mcm lembu yg mmg congenital and therefore i really need a strong motivation to stay rajin and to always have kesedaran like this before it's too late.

a reminder to myself. will remind myself to read this post again and again whenever i feel like ponteng class or whenever i feel demotivated.