there are things I just couldn't say it to you,
not that I don't want to,
but those words won't come out.
and I still miss that beautiful sunset.don't you?
tell me you still do,
and I'm still there,
conquering your heart,
like how I used to.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
my silence means something
no matter how outspoken I am,
there are things I just couldn't say it to you,
not that I don't want to,
but those words won't come out.
and I still miss that beautiful sunset.
don't you?
tell me you still do,
and I'm still there,
conquering your heart,
like how I used to.
there are things I just couldn't say it to you,
not that I don't want to,
but those words won't come out.
and I still miss that beautiful sunset.don't you?
tell me you still do,
and I'm still there,
conquering your heart,
like how I used to.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
how fair is our parents?
Unless you are the only child in the family, you will have to compete with ur sisters and brothers for attention from your parents. Especially if you are the elder, perrgghhh.
I have 6 siblings. 5 sisters and 1 brother. I'm the second child. The gap between my kak long and me is 6 years, and the gap between me and my brother is 4 years :D so I kinda have all the attention in the world for quite a long time lah. Tapi kesian my little brother and sisters, gap diorang semua dekat2, wahahahahahaaha.
But zaman kegemilangan I, walaupun lama, lepas tu punah bila I kept on getting new adik every other year. Mak aku yang memang dah sedia garang sejak azali, bertambah2 garang nak mati selepas kewujudan adik2 aku. Asal silap sket, asal adik aku tetibe melalak menangis, yang punya salah tkde lain, confirm aku. Walaupun aku cuma lah budak 4 tahun yang main2 jambul and cubit2 pipi adik aku sebab I thought he was so comel, but turns out, aku la salah and aku lah yang kena terajang lepas tu. Eh, don't you think I was innocent?
Parents are obviously anxious and u know, too careful la when raising the first few children. And I'm included. Masa zaman tumbesaran aku, my parents memang sumpah strict lagi garang. Kalau result sekolah tu, tak main lah A, mak aku nak aku dapat A1 punya dalam semua subject. Padahal sekolah rendah lagi kan. Memang berwawasan 2020 la. Kau berani lah kasi cikgu kau tulis B dalam report card, sampai menangis teresak2 mak aku lecture aku tau. Kalau aku dapat nombor 1 dalam class, ha, tu memang kepuasan sejati parents aku lah. Apa lagi kalau aku dapat no 1 dalam aliran (the whole batch), confirm diorang belanja aku KFC. Weh, KFC tu super mewah kot zaman aku sekolah rendah. Special occasion jer pergi KFC.
Same goes about boarding school. Memang tak puas hati sampai sekarang. I was the only child yang kena paksa masuk boarding school. Reason being, duduk boarding school boleh bergaul dengan orang pandai, lagi disiplin, semua for your own kebaikan blablabla. Adik2 I baru ckp "tanak pergi asrama sebab kat asrama ada hantu dalam toilet" lepas tu my parents boleh plak ckp "okay tak payah pergi". AMBOI MAK MINAH SAYANG, aku siap meleleh air mata buat drama keling nak bunuh diri pun, ingat mak aku layan? Memang tak ahhh! Dahla kena paksa time form 1, eh, time tu halus gila kot lagi. Adik aku, form 4 tanak pergi boarding school pun takde hal punya. Lepas tu aku sorang la yang merana merasa kehidupan dengan warden2 paling dengki sekelian alam kan. Adik2 aku still boleh pergi sekolah, balik rumah tidur. Aku lah yg merana merasa pergi prep petang sampai malam. Adik2 aku sampai form 5 merasa mak aku masak sedap hari2, aku nih merana sebab kena telan ikan jacket hanyir makcik dewan makan. Pergh.
There was this one time, I overheard my mom berborak2 dengan makcik mana tah, I forgot. Tapi diorang cakap2 pasal anak2 lah. And suddenly my mom cakap "ohhh, dengan anak last ni memang sayang dia lebih sket" Mak aihhhhhh, time tu I was next to my mom. Ha kauu, pilu tak dengar? Kiranya anak last sayang 100%, anak second last 80%, anak 3rd last 60%, 4th last 40%, abis tu, bape banyak tinggal utk aku? 20% Pergh. Tersentap jiwa raga gua. Dahla selamba badak cakap time aku dekat situ, bajet aku invisible la time tu kan. Yelah yelah, aku terpaksa redha. Maybe sebab baby sis aku lagi comel rambut perang lagi melepak dari aku kot. Sebab tu sayang lebih. Tapi aku rambut hitam sebab genetic, tak melepak sebab kecik2 kena halau dengan mak suro pergi main luar petang2. Tak percaya? Tengok kaki aku, melepak lagi ok? Wahahahahahaha.
Kenapa eh parents2 sekelian alam ni suka betul nak manja kan anak last? Yang anak last ni, suka nak buat2 manja, dah la tu, bila buat2 manja, dilayan pulak tu. Cube kalau aku buat2 manja, memang tak ah parents aku nak layan. Baik diorang baca Berita Mingguan atau tengok Melodi daripada melayan ke-manja-an anak2 sulung/second. Buang karan. Kau dah besar, tak payah nak bajet comel macam budak kecik.
Tapi the best thing about being the elder is you won't get secondhand stuff that often. Muahahahahahaha. Barang gua semua brand new. Tapi, my baby sister paling kesian lah, bukan setakat second hand, 3rd and 4th hand pun semua dia dapat. Baju sekolah, buku sekolah, beg sekolah, baju2 jalan, baju2 kurung, jeans2, semua turun pergi my little sisters. Every time nak bukak sekolah jer, mesti my dad check if ada barang2/buku2 kakak2 yang boleh pass dekat adik. Adik aku buat muka ketat jer sebab dapat barang buangan kakak2 diorang wahahahaha. Tapi nak buat macammane, kata anak 6, penjimatan mesti besar-besaran beb. Kalau tak bankrupsi la my dad every year nak beli brand new stuff for each and every daughter/son.
My parents are getting more and more sporting each year. And my little sisters/brother la yang dapat benefit ni. Nak keluar dengan kawan, diorang hantar. Nak handphone, sorang sebijik. Tak nak pergi asrama, okay layan. Ah, banyak lah beza dengan zaman aku. Time aku nak keluar dengan member dulu2, kau pepandai la cari transport sendiri. Kalau takde sangat, kaki ada, haa, jalan la sampai lebam. Dulu, aku nak pergi shopping dekat Kompleks PKNS time darjah 4 pun sorok2 tau. Siap jalan kaki kot dari library. Wahahahaha. Years after that baru I told my parents about me pergi shopping kat Kompleks PKNS. Padahal Kompleks je kan. Bukan shopping apa pun, time tu shopping kaset, itu pun share dengan member, sebab tak cukup duit.
Handphone toksah cakap lah, zaman sekolah tu pun, dapat handphone descended from my mom. Habis sekolah baru dapat handphone sendiri, itu pun duit sendiri. My dad pernah belanja I handphone sekali je la seumur hidup. Adik aku sorang dah at least 2 kali dibelanja handphone. Warrgghhh. Sebab they started using handphone early. My baby sister dapat handphone time darjah 4 kot? Confirm la 2-3 tahun lepas tu tukar handphone kan. Budak kecik duit mana ada, so my dad la belanja. But during my time, pakai2 handphone dah form 4, by the time nak tukar handphone, SPM dah lepas, and I was working so I earned my own money. Apa lagi, nak handphone baru, lu pakai la duit sendiri, abah nak bayar banyak benda lagi ni ha.
Tapi nak kata my parents tak pernah mengamuk with my little sisters/brother tak boleh jugak. Siapa buat perangai, memang siap punya. Cuma masa zaman I, kebanyakan sebab I kene terajang/pelempang/belasah adalah sebab adik2 I. Memang asal gaduh ngan diorang je, aku defend la macam mane pun, aku jugak yang kena, alasan favourite zaman berzaman ialah, sebab I'm the elder. Adik2 I ni diorang kena terajang mainly not because bergaduh sesama sendiri, well yeah, bergaduh sesama sendiri memang kena terajang ah, tapi siapa salah la yang kena. Dah kata umur tak jauh beza kan, so apa ada hal. Tapi usually diorang kena sebab salah diorang sendiri, contoh, malas belajar or bergayut tak sudah2. Like that. Aku, malas belajar pun kena belasah. Bergayut melampau pun kena. Adik aku cari pasal pun aku kena. Haisshhh!
My sisters owe me big time ah. Disebabkan kegedikan korang, kakak kau yg kena suffer big time. Except for my little brother. He's one little angel. Ni lah paling kurang bermasalah kat rumah tu. Yang lain semua macam beruk terkinja2 nak cari pasal. Tapi sekarang masing2 dah besar, try ah cari pasal sekarang, I'll make sure you get what you should from abah and mak! Wahahahahaha.
Whatever it is, it's not easy to be a mom, or a dad. I'm sure they did try their best to be fair to every children. Tapi nobody's perfect, diorang pun tak pernah ada experience raise children before getting us. It's not like we had any life in the past ( unless la kau hindu kan, kau percaya dulu2 kau adalah seekor lembu and pernah jaga anak lembu, tu baru ada experience ) so they're learning too. Like my parents, cara diorang besarkan I was not exactly the same dengan cara diorang besarkan adik2 I, because sepanjang diorang besarkan the first few children, they learnt a lot. So, mesti la they improvised the way they raise the children berdasarkan pengalaman membesarkan anak2 yg sebelum tu, kan?
I gotta thank my parents for being firm to me. Yes, I hate it too much bila kena marah and all, especially for things I didn't do, tapi in a way, it moulded me to be who I am today. Setakat cikgu atau lecturer nak marah or membebel kat aku, takde hal la beb, I've gone through much more with my parents. Setakat nak tinggal sorang dekat rumah, takde hal la kalau orang nak takut2kan pasal hantu ni, sebab aku lagi takut ngan mak aku daripada hantu. Weh, hantu pun takut la dengan mak aku. So, rumah gua bersih dari hantu punya. Aku pun dah berapa juta kali kena overnite sorang2 dekat rumah sebab my family suka sangat nak bercamping bagai. Ah, tak kuasa aku nak join tidur dalam hutan. Dahlah jarang2 balik Malaysia, memang tak ah.
So, if you think your parents are being unfair sebab belikan ice-cream for ur little sister but not for you, think again. Takde parents kot yang tergamak or sampai hati nak lebihkan any of the children. It's either mereka tak sedar or maybe they have their own reason for doing that. Sometimes, parents lagi tau, anak mana yang kental kena paksa buat itu ini pun dia boleh go through, but the other child kurang kental, kalau paksa jugak buat itu ini mungkin boleh breakdown which is not good for her own future. So, they know better, maybe not all the time, but I assure you, they do know better, most of the time.
I believe my parents have their own reason for being firmer with me.
Yelah, sebab aku paling degil. Wahahahahahahhaa.
I have 6 siblings. 5 sisters and 1 brother. I'm the second child. The gap between my kak long and me is 6 years, and the gap between me and my brother is 4 years :D so I kinda have all the attention in the world for quite a long time lah. Tapi kesian my little brother and sisters, gap diorang semua dekat2, wahahahahahaaha.
kanak2 lagi.
But zaman kegemilangan I, walaupun lama, lepas tu punah bila I kept on getting new adik every other year. Mak aku yang memang dah sedia garang sejak azali, bertambah2 garang nak mati selepas kewujudan adik2 aku. Asal silap sket, asal adik aku tetibe melalak menangis, yang punya salah tkde lain, confirm aku. Walaupun aku cuma lah budak 4 tahun yang main2 jambul and cubit2 pipi adik aku sebab I thought he was so comel, but turns out, aku la salah and aku lah yang kena terajang lepas tu. Eh, don't you think I was innocent?
Parents are obviously anxious and u know, too careful la when raising the first few children. And I'm included. Masa zaman tumbesaran aku, my parents memang sumpah strict lagi garang. Kalau result sekolah tu, tak main lah A, mak aku nak aku dapat A1 punya dalam semua subject. Padahal sekolah rendah lagi kan. Memang berwawasan 2020 la. Kau berani lah kasi cikgu kau tulis B dalam report card, sampai menangis teresak2 mak aku lecture aku tau. Kalau aku dapat nombor 1 dalam class, ha, tu memang kepuasan sejati parents aku lah. Apa lagi kalau aku dapat no 1 dalam aliran (the whole batch), confirm diorang belanja aku KFC. Weh, KFC tu super mewah kot zaman aku sekolah rendah. Special occasion jer pergi KFC.
berani la hina spec bulat aku? wahahahaha.
Same goes about boarding school. Memang tak puas hati sampai sekarang. I was the only child yang kena paksa masuk boarding school. Reason being, duduk boarding school boleh bergaul dengan orang pandai, lagi disiplin, semua for your own kebaikan blablabla. Adik2 I baru ckp "tanak pergi asrama sebab kat asrama ada hantu dalam toilet" lepas tu my parents boleh plak ckp "okay tak payah pergi". AMBOI MAK MINAH SAYANG, aku siap meleleh air mata buat drama keling nak bunuh diri pun, ingat mak aku layan? Memang tak ahhh! Dahla kena paksa time form 1, eh, time tu halus gila kot lagi. Adik aku, form 4 tanak pergi boarding school pun takde hal punya. Lepas tu aku sorang la yang merana merasa kehidupan dengan warden2 paling dengki sekelian alam kan. Adik2 aku still boleh pergi sekolah, balik rumah tidur. Aku lah yg merana merasa pergi prep petang sampai malam. Adik2 aku sampai form 5 merasa mak aku masak sedap hari2, aku nih merana sebab kena telan ikan jacket hanyir makcik dewan makan. Pergh.
There was this one time, I overheard my mom berborak2 dengan makcik mana tah, I forgot. Tapi diorang cakap2 pasal anak2 lah. And suddenly my mom cakap "ohhh, dengan anak last ni memang sayang dia lebih sket" Mak aihhhhhh, time tu I was next to my mom. Ha kauu, pilu tak dengar? Kiranya anak last sayang 100%, anak second last 80%, anak 3rd last 60%, 4th last 40%, abis tu, bape banyak tinggal utk aku? 20% Pergh. Tersentap jiwa raga gua. Dahla selamba badak cakap time aku dekat situ, bajet aku invisible la time tu kan. Yelah yelah, aku terpaksa redha. Maybe sebab baby sis aku lagi comel rambut perang lagi melepak dari aku kot. Sebab tu sayang lebih. Tapi aku rambut hitam sebab genetic, tak melepak sebab kecik2 kena halau dengan mak suro pergi main luar petang2. Tak percaya? Tengok kaki aku, melepak lagi ok? Wahahahahahaha.
zaman ke-melepak-an aku. orang igt anak cina ok? sekarang tidak lagi.
Kenapa eh parents2 sekelian alam ni suka betul nak manja kan anak last? Yang anak last ni, suka nak buat2 manja, dah la tu, bila buat2 manja, dilayan pulak tu. Cube kalau aku buat2 manja, memang tak ah parents aku nak layan. Baik diorang baca Berita Mingguan atau tengok Melodi daripada melayan ke-manja-an anak2 sulung/second. Buang karan. Kau dah besar, tak payah nak bajet comel macam budak kecik.
Tapi the best thing about being the elder is you won't get secondhand stuff that often. Muahahahahahaha. Barang gua semua brand new. Tapi, my baby sister paling kesian lah, bukan setakat second hand, 3rd and 4th hand pun semua dia dapat. Baju sekolah, buku sekolah, beg sekolah, baju2 jalan, baju2 kurung, jeans2, semua turun pergi my little sisters. Every time nak bukak sekolah jer, mesti my dad check if ada barang2/buku2 kakak2 yang boleh pass dekat adik. Adik aku buat muka ketat jer sebab dapat barang buangan kakak2 diorang wahahahaha. Tapi nak buat macammane, kata anak 6, penjimatan mesti besar-besaran beb. Kalau tak bankrupsi la my dad every year nak beli brand new stuff for each and every daughter/son.
My parents are getting more and more sporting each year. And my little sisters/brother la yang dapat benefit ni. Nak keluar dengan kawan, diorang hantar. Nak handphone, sorang sebijik. Tak nak pergi asrama, okay layan. Ah, banyak lah beza dengan zaman aku. Time aku nak keluar dengan member dulu2, kau pepandai la cari transport sendiri. Kalau takde sangat, kaki ada, haa, jalan la sampai lebam. Dulu, aku nak pergi shopping dekat Kompleks PKNS time darjah 4 pun sorok2 tau. Siap jalan kaki kot dari library. Wahahahaha. Years after that baru I told my parents about me pergi shopping kat Kompleks PKNS. Padahal Kompleks je kan. Bukan shopping apa pun, time tu shopping kaset, itu pun share dengan member, sebab tak cukup duit.
Handphone toksah cakap lah, zaman sekolah tu pun, dapat handphone descended from my mom. Habis sekolah baru dapat handphone sendiri, itu pun duit sendiri. My dad pernah belanja I handphone sekali je la seumur hidup. Adik aku sorang dah at least 2 kali dibelanja handphone. Warrgghhh. Sebab they started using handphone early. My baby sister dapat handphone time darjah 4 kot? Confirm la 2-3 tahun lepas tu tukar handphone kan. Budak kecik duit mana ada, so my dad la belanja. But during my time, pakai2 handphone dah form 4, by the time nak tukar handphone, SPM dah lepas, and I was working so I earned my own money. Apa lagi, nak handphone baru, lu pakai la duit sendiri, abah nak bayar banyak benda lagi ni ha.
Tapi nak kata my parents tak pernah mengamuk with my little sisters/brother tak boleh jugak. Siapa buat perangai, memang siap punya. Cuma masa zaman I, kebanyakan sebab I kene terajang/pelempang/belasah adalah sebab adik2 I. Memang asal gaduh ngan diorang je, aku defend la macam mane pun, aku jugak yang kena, alasan favourite zaman berzaman ialah, sebab I'm the elder. Adik2 I ni diorang kena terajang mainly not because bergaduh sesama sendiri, well yeah, bergaduh sesama sendiri memang kena terajang ah, tapi siapa salah la yang kena. Dah kata umur tak jauh beza kan, so apa ada hal. Tapi usually diorang kena sebab salah diorang sendiri, contoh, malas belajar or bergayut tak sudah2. Like that. Aku, malas belajar pun kena belasah. Bergayut melampau pun kena. Adik aku cari pasal pun aku kena. Haisshhh!
My sisters owe me big time ah. Disebabkan kegedikan korang, kakak kau yg kena suffer big time. Except for my little brother. He's one little angel. Ni lah paling kurang bermasalah kat rumah tu. Yang lain semua macam beruk terkinja2 nak cari pasal. Tapi sekarang masing2 dah besar, try ah cari pasal sekarang, I'll make sure you get what you should from abah and mak! Wahahahahaha.
Whatever it is, it's not easy to be a mom, or a dad. I'm sure they did try their best to be fair to every children. Tapi nobody's perfect, diorang pun tak pernah ada experience raise children before getting us. It's not like we had any life in the past ( unless la kau hindu kan, kau percaya dulu2 kau adalah seekor lembu and pernah jaga anak lembu, tu baru ada experience ) so they're learning too. Like my parents, cara diorang besarkan I was not exactly the same dengan cara diorang besarkan adik2 I, because sepanjang diorang besarkan the first few children, they learnt a lot. So, mesti la they improvised the way they raise the children berdasarkan pengalaman membesarkan anak2 yg sebelum tu, kan?
I gotta thank my parents for being firm to me. Yes, I hate it too much bila kena marah and all, especially for things I didn't do, tapi in a way, it moulded me to be who I am today. Setakat cikgu atau lecturer nak marah or membebel kat aku, takde hal la beb, I've gone through much more with my parents. Setakat nak tinggal sorang dekat rumah, takde hal la kalau orang nak takut2kan pasal hantu ni, sebab aku lagi takut ngan mak aku daripada hantu. Weh, hantu pun takut la dengan mak aku. So, rumah gua bersih dari hantu punya. Aku pun dah berapa juta kali kena overnite sorang2 dekat rumah sebab my family suka sangat nak bercamping bagai. Ah, tak kuasa aku nak join tidur dalam hutan. Dahlah jarang2 balik Malaysia, memang tak ah.
holiday kat mana tah. lupa.
So, if you think your parents are being unfair sebab belikan ice-cream for ur little sister but not for you, think again. Takde parents kot yang tergamak or sampai hati nak lebihkan any of the children. It's either mereka tak sedar or maybe they have their own reason for doing that. Sometimes, parents lagi tau, anak mana yang kental kena paksa buat itu ini pun dia boleh go through, but the other child kurang kental, kalau paksa jugak buat itu ini mungkin boleh breakdown which is not good for her own future. So, they know better, maybe not all the time, but I assure you, they do know better, most of the time.
I believe my parents have their own reason for being firmer with me.
Yelah, sebab aku paling degil. Wahahahahahahhaa.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
genetically unrelated twins.
Life has been treating me really badly lately. Sometimes, you may have thousands of people around you, but you can't help feeling lonely, desolated and abandoned. Because out of thousands of friends you have on facebook, tell me, how many of them are real? I mean, how many of them are really your friends in real life?
Best friends are not found, you gotta know your friends to call them your best friends. A best friend, to me, is someone who stays with you when the whole world walks out of you. You can lose your friends in a split second, but a best friend won't let you lose him when you needs him the most.
I don't call someone a best friend if she appears to be by my side during my happy hours, and refuses to stick around when I'm at my lowest. Not a good candidate. What if you loses your father and she's not even there to tell you to stay strong and that you can count on her if you need some help. What if?
I don't call someone a best friend if she's afraid to see my success. I don't need a rival as my best friend. A best friend is supposed to be someone who contributes, if not much, maybe a little, to your success. Not someone who feels the need to secretly bring you down. I understand the inferiority of being just a mediocre standing next to a superior best friend who's smarter, hotter, richer or maybe nicer, but that doesn't serve as a ticket for you to bring her down. I mean, yes, siapa tak envy if the best friend has everything that you wish for, I pun reti jealous, but doing things against her doesn't make me any smarter, hotter, richer and not even nicer.
A friend is not a best friend if I can't tell her everything. What's the point of having a best friend if you have to choose what you have to say? OK fine, under some circumstances, and with some people coming from a way different background, you have no choice but to filter things out. But, a friendship is so much fun when you don't have to do that. And a best friend should be able to overcome any gap in between.
And to me, if I'm free to say all the good and especially, all the bad things about you, then I might have considered you as my best friend. Yes I really did. With best friends, takde makan dalam punya. If I feel something is not right, I'll tell them right away, even if that means arguing. Somehow I feel best friend is something like sisters or brothers, we fight and say things we don't mean, but we'll be okay in no time. Kan kan?
And I'm sorry but I don't believe in having just one single best friend throughout my life. The one I met during my childhood time remains, but that doesn't mean I won't find a good friend whom I can consider best friend later in life. Come on, a best friend is not a boyfriend/girlfriend where you are obliged to only have one at a time. But having too many best friends pun tak special jugak. Well well, it's really up to an individual.
Best friends are wonderful creature next to your boyfriend/girlfriend. Reasons for me writing this is because I truly miss my besties back in Malaysia :( and I probably won't be able to meet them for soooo long. And at the same time, I'm so grateful to have wonderful friends over here who keep me going, despite me being boyfriendless, mummyless and daddyless dekat sini.
You guys are simply the best!
p/s : my best friend has to be able to be my partner-in-crime too! it's a must!
Best friends are not found, you gotta know your friends to call them your best friends. A best friend, to me, is someone who stays with you when the whole world walks out of you. You can lose your friends in a split second, but a best friend won't let you lose him when you needs him the most.
I don't call someone a best friend if she appears to be by my side during my happy hours, and refuses to stick around when I'm at my lowest. Not a good candidate. What if you loses your father and she's not even there to tell you to stay strong and that you can count on her if you need some help. What if?
I don't call someone a best friend if she's afraid to see my success. I don't need a rival as my best friend. A best friend is supposed to be someone who contributes, if not much, maybe a little, to your success. Not someone who feels the need to secretly bring you down. I understand the inferiority of being just a mediocre standing next to a superior best friend who's smarter, hotter, richer or maybe nicer, but that doesn't serve as a ticket for you to bring her down. I mean, yes, siapa tak envy if the best friend has everything that you wish for, I pun reti jealous, but doing things against her doesn't make me any smarter, hotter, richer and not even nicer.
A friend is not a best friend if I can't tell her everything. What's the point of having a best friend if you have to choose what you have to say? OK fine, under some circumstances, and with some people coming from a way different background, you have no choice but to filter things out. But, a friendship is so much fun when you don't have to do that. And a best friend should be able to overcome any gap in between.
And to me, if I'm free to say all the good and especially, all the bad things about you, then I might have considered you as my best friend. Yes I really did. With best friends, takde makan dalam punya. If I feel something is not right, I'll tell them right away, even if that means arguing. Somehow I feel best friend is something like sisters or brothers, we fight and say things we don't mean, but we'll be okay in no time. Kan kan?
And I'm sorry but I don't believe in having just one single best friend throughout my life. The one I met during my childhood time remains, but that doesn't mean I won't find a good friend whom I can consider best friend later in life. Come on, a best friend is not a boyfriend/girlfriend where you are obliged to only have one at a time. But having too many best friends pun tak special jugak. Well well, it's really up to an individual.
Best friends are wonderful creature next to your boyfriend/girlfriend. Reasons for me writing this is because I truly miss my besties back in Malaysia :( and I probably won't be able to meet them for soooo long. And at the same time, I'm so grateful to have wonderful friends over here who keep me going, despite me being boyfriendless, mummyless and daddyless dekat sini.
You guys are simply the best!
p/s : my best friend has to be able to be my partner-in-crime too! it's a must!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
i'm back!!!
wowwwww i've made it through!! nothing is better than this feeling! i'm a free woman again woot woot!
just so u know, i lost 2 kgs recently. what else can it be, stress nak exam tu tahap melampau kot? plus our exam memang gila siot schedule. siapa tak determine or cekal or tabah mmg boleh give up or gantung diri half-way. serious. weh percaya laaa, serious tau ni!
what do you expect, syllabus for 1 year and a half kau nak kena mug up everything in a very short time. ha, blame lah orang takde otak yang tanak bagi gap and study leave for us. boleh gila weh. i swear i slept 2 hours the most everynite before the exam day. itu pun masa paper microbiology and pathology, i slept for merely 1 hour je the nite before exam tu.
theory 'tidur kena cukup before exam kalau tak nanti blank' and pesan mummy 'tidur at least 6 hours the day before exam' memang terpaksa diabaikan. i was always a firm believer that i need a good dose of sleep before the exam so that i tak go blank when answering the paper. but i guess i really have to take the risk and stay up all nite for the exam. if not, boleh menggelupur aku tengok soalan nanti tatau nak jawab.
i didn't stay up all nite to get a distinction. ok lah, i did aim for that but given a very limited time (very very limited in fact :( ) getting a big D is far beyond my reach kot. alaa siapa tak aim for the star kan? a pemalas like me pun aim high. even a pemalas like bazilah pun aim high. hahahah okay she's like the best berangan-partner, baru 1st time pergi library 3 days before final dah berangan nak distinction. LOL. and that reminds me soooo much of my nadia ismail! kalau si rajin yang belajar tunggang terbalik dengar kitorang keco2 konon nak distinction mesti dah menyumpah2 tak sedar diri betul perempuan ni dah tau pemalas tu aim pass sudeyh. haha.
ehh, kitorang takde la pemalas tahap dewa kot. cuma kesedaran tu lambat sket lah. and to tell u the truth, i was more prepared for the 3rd IA compared to the final. and 3rd IA cuak lebih compared to final. yelah, after habis 3rd IA, gap tak seberapa terus final. i took roughly about 5 days (kot) honeymoon gila babs tak study for final. not that i didnt want to, but i was just too mentally exhausted to sumbat everything once again back into the brain.
and the worst feeling in the world is when u've read everything (well, almost) and u still feel soooo inadequate to sit for the exam. it's like, you've read a particular topic for more than 3 times already, but u still can't reproduce the perfect answer to score for full mark. hate that feeling.
and i rasa most inadequate and unprepared for microb and patho! perghhh. to me, microb is the hardest subject of all. yes, it's a scoring subject (as most ppl think so), but nak go through reading all the morphology of bacteria, lab diagnosis semua, boleh menangis okay sumpah tak tipu. i'd rather study immunity than bacteriology! BIG YUCKS! i still think doctors don't really need to know everything about microorganisms. and a senior friend of mine pun cakap, once u dah jadi doctor, microbiology adalah subject paling tak membantu dalam hidup seorang doctor. wahahahahah. seee, told u!
anyway, so so so so glad it's over! no more staying up till the wee hours. u have no idea berapa banyak cans of red bull i dah teguk, berapa banyak multi vitamin i dah telan just for the sake to keep me awake and healthy throughout the exam week(s)! little dinosour siap bawak balik red bull from malaysia for me. hahahaha. dia cakap red bull malaysia lagi sedap. LOL. layan je. janji aku stay up.
wahh i've written so much. i misss bloggginggg! hhahahahahahaha. of all the things kan, boleh rindu blogging lak. i miss my babes tooo :( like farah said, things are not the same anymore, everyone's too busy with their life and we now have lesser time to spend together :( i dun wanna grow old tooo fast!
malam ni so the relax la it feels weird not to be with the books wahahahha boleh muntah baca ayat ni. okay now that the exam is over, doakan i pass all the subjects okay? tak nak kena study lagiii! tak mauuuuuu!!!
p/s : i have some medical books to give away. yes, for free lah. but selected books only. nak clear up the book shelf. anyone interested, let me know. (
just so u know, i lost 2 kgs recently. what else can it be, stress nak exam tu tahap melampau kot? plus our exam memang gila siot schedule. siapa tak determine or cekal or tabah mmg boleh give up or gantung diri half-way. serious. weh percaya laaa, serious tau ni!
what do you expect, syllabus for 1 year and a half kau nak kena mug up everything in a very short time. ha, blame lah orang takde otak yang tanak bagi gap and study leave for us. boleh gila weh. i swear i slept 2 hours the most everynite before the exam day. itu pun masa paper microbiology and pathology, i slept for merely 1 hour je the nite before exam tu.
theory 'tidur kena cukup before exam kalau tak nanti blank' and pesan mummy 'tidur at least 6 hours the day before exam' memang terpaksa diabaikan. i was always a firm believer that i need a good dose of sleep before the exam so that i tak go blank when answering the paper. but i guess i really have to take the risk and stay up all nite for the exam. if not, boleh menggelupur aku tengok soalan nanti tatau nak jawab.
i didn't stay up all nite to get a distinction. ok lah, i did aim for that but given a very limited time (very very limited in fact :( ) getting a big D is far beyond my reach kot. alaa siapa tak aim for the star kan? a pemalas like me pun aim high. even a pemalas like bazilah pun aim high. hahahah okay she's like the best berangan-partner, baru 1st time pergi library 3 days before final dah berangan nak distinction. LOL. and that reminds me soooo much of my nadia ismail! kalau si rajin yang belajar tunggang terbalik dengar kitorang keco2 konon nak distinction mesti dah menyumpah2 tak sedar diri betul perempuan ni dah tau pemalas tu aim pass sudeyh. haha.
ehh, kitorang takde la pemalas tahap dewa kot. cuma kesedaran tu lambat sket lah. and to tell u the truth, i was more prepared for the 3rd IA compared to the final. and 3rd IA cuak lebih compared to final. yelah, after habis 3rd IA, gap tak seberapa terus final. i took roughly about 5 days (kot) honeymoon gila babs tak study for final. not that i didnt want to, but i was just too mentally exhausted to sumbat everything once again back into the brain.
and the worst feeling in the world is when u've read everything (well, almost) and u still feel soooo inadequate to sit for the exam. it's like, you've read a particular topic for more than 3 times already, but u still can't reproduce the perfect answer to score for full mark. hate that feeling.
and i rasa most inadequate and unprepared for microb and patho! perghhh. to me, microb is the hardest subject of all. yes, it's a scoring subject (as most ppl think so), but nak go through reading all the morphology of bacteria, lab diagnosis semua, boleh menangis okay sumpah tak tipu. i'd rather study immunity than bacteriology! BIG YUCKS! i still think doctors don't really need to know everything about microorganisms. and a senior friend of mine pun cakap, once u dah jadi doctor, microbiology adalah subject paling tak membantu dalam hidup seorang doctor. wahahahahah. seee, told u!
anyway, so so so so glad it's over! no more staying up till the wee hours. u have no idea berapa banyak cans of red bull i dah teguk, berapa banyak multi vitamin i dah telan just for the sake to keep me awake and healthy throughout the exam week(s)! little dinosour siap bawak balik red bull from malaysia for me. hahahaha. dia cakap red bull malaysia lagi sedap. LOL. layan je. janji aku stay up.
wahh i've written so much. i misss bloggginggg! hhahahahahahaha. of all the things kan, boleh rindu blogging lak. i miss my babes tooo :( like farah said, things are not the same anymore, everyone's too busy with their life and we now have lesser time to spend together :( i dun wanna grow old tooo fast!
malam ni so the relax la it feels weird not to be with the books wahahahha boleh muntah baca ayat ni. okay now that the exam is over, doakan i pass all the subjects okay? tak nak kena study lagiii! tak mauuuuuu!!!
p/s : i have some medical books to give away. yes, for free lah. but selected books only. nak clear up the book shelf. anyone interested, let me know. (
Saturday, March 20, 2010
somebody turns 23!
Little dinosour is turning 23 this Tuesday! And I'll be having Pathology Paper 1 on his special day :( Masa my birthday pun I had Pathology Paper 1 jugak, coincidence eh?
So, since I'll be busy studying on your birthday, and a day before your birthday (and of course, after the birthday too) I'm taking this opportunity to make an advance birthday wish for youuuu!!
Happy 23rd Birthday sayangggg! Sorry again I can't be there with you to celebrate your birthday on the day itself :( But, I'll make sure I'll be the first to wish you, ok?
We're already 23! wahahahahaha. Mok, I wanna grow old with you :) and to the best thing in the world, these are for you ;
So, since I'll be busy studying on your birthday, and a day before your birthday (and of course, after the birthday too) I'm taking this opportunity to make an advance birthday wish for youuuu!!
Happy 23rd Birthday sayangggg! Sorry again I can't be there with you to celebrate your birthday on the day itself :( But, I'll make sure I'll be the first to wish you, ok?
We're already 23! wahahahahaha. Mok, I wanna grow old with you :) and to the best thing in the world, these are for you ;Saturday, March 13, 2010
the time of the year
okay i guess by now semua orang pun dah tau about me and the upcoming final exam cuz i mcm kepoci gila about this. so yeah.
exam starts on this monday. for 2 weeks. doakan saya.
doakan saya.
pls doakan saya.
doakan saya lagi.
ok bye!
exam starts on this monday. for 2 weeks. doakan saya.
doakan saya.
pls doakan saya.
doakan saya lagi.
ok bye!
Monday, March 8, 2010
A woman's worth.
"A woman has strength that amaze men. She can handle trouble and carry heavy burden. She holds happiness, love and opinion. She smiles when she feels like screaming, sings when she feels like crying, cries when she's happy and laugh when she's afraid. There's only one thing that is wrong with her, she sometimes forget what she is worth..."
Honestly, I have no idea about Women's Day. Am I really that pathetic? Haha btw, Happy Women's Day to all the beautiful women out there! :) Hey, every woman is beautiful, kan?
Being a woman (wahaha I'm not sure if I deserve to be called one cuz I still feel like a young little girl LOL), I tend to care about the loved ones more than I do about myself. I tend to go on worrying unnecessarily just because I care too much about the people I love. And when the loved ones dream of achieving something, it becomes my dream too. My dream is all about seeing the smile on the faces I care, and love.
I'm sure I'm not the only person who's crazy about taking care of others and let the others be happy and fine and perfectly alright. I believe all the women in the world, though some fail to show it, care a little too much about the people we love. I think it's just, us, it's just, women. There's no woman who doesn't care. No woman who doesn't love. (Unless, u know, if she had some really bad history down the line especially regarding to men taking them for granted etc etc, then yeah, dun blame us, blame those dickless morons!)
So guys, if you have your woman who's there behind your back to watch you rise and shine, to be there for you through high and low, to listen to your every words and most importantly, to be the major reason of you succeeding in this challenging world - just two words for you, CHERISH HER.
Happy Women's Day :)
Honestly, I have no idea about Women's Day. Am I really that pathetic? Haha btw, Happy Women's Day to all the beautiful women out there! :) Hey, every woman is beautiful, kan?
Being a woman (wahaha I'm not sure if I deserve to be called one cuz I still feel like a young little girl LOL), I tend to care about the loved ones more than I do about myself. I tend to go on worrying unnecessarily just because I care too much about the people I love. And when the loved ones dream of achieving something, it becomes my dream too. My dream is all about seeing the smile on the faces I care, and love.
I'm sure I'm not the only person who's crazy about taking care of others and let the others be happy and fine and perfectly alright. I believe all the women in the world, though some fail to show it, care a little too much about the people we love. I think it's just, us, it's just, women. There's no woman who doesn't care. No woman who doesn't love. (Unless, u know, if she had some really bad history down the line especially regarding to men taking them for granted etc etc, then yeah, dun blame us, blame those dickless morons!)
So guys, if you have your woman who's there behind your back to watch you rise and shine, to be there for you through high and low, to listen to your every words and most importantly, to be the major reason of you succeeding in this challenging world - just two words for you, CHERISH HER.
Happy Women's Day :)
Sunday, March 7, 2010
allow me to hallucinate
shit. rasa bersalah. dah 2 hari tak belajar.
no pressure to start studying. wakakakka. this is not funny. exam in 1 week and i've no pressure?? gila apa la perempuan ni! tak guna rasa bersalah if kau still tak buat pape out of it. like how i am now, dari malam tadi kot bersalah tak study, and sampai malam ni still tak study. wakakakakakaka.
siap boleh bantai keluar shopping setelah digoda oleh nadia tarmizi yg tak sedar diri duit kami ni nyawa2 ikan. konon2 rasa bersalah, siap keluar bawak notes, wakakakakka. lawak haram. bace la sket2 dalam auto. 5 minit. ok la kan? lagi seminggu nak final beb. bila lagi nak buat aksi nerd begini?
balik dari shopping, i did some packing. wahahahahahha. ok tlg marah i sekarang! sumpah tak sedar diri kan! orang lain sibuk study aku boleh sibuk shopping la packing la. pergh. dahla malam tadi i watched my name is khan for the 4th time. cacat. because denin invited me for dinner at her house. and diorang ramai2 tengok my name is khan, so i join je lah. 4 kali beb. aku dah hafal script my name is khan, sumpah tak tipu.
i think i wanna go back home in may or june. pretty pls? tapi attendance macam tahi kan. ade hati nak ponteng balik malaysia. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. i miss home sgt kot. and more importantly, i wanna meet my farah before she flies off to scotland!
eh hidup saya bosan kot sekarang. bergelumang dengan medical books semata2. not interesting. u dun wanna be friend with me. and tau tak, tetibe rase nak jadi neurologist. eh bukan tiba2. mmg macam minat neuro kot dari dulu, tapi cam i told myself no way la nak jadi neurologist, tapi tiba2 mcm nak jadi. ok i sound like paria mane tah. but seriously, nak jadi neurologist senang takkk???? tanak jadi neuro surgeon sebab malas nak diri (ok alasan mcm tahi but serious tak suka diri lama2 nanti pengsan) so mcm nak jadi neurologist. u know, Dr Zahirah Tarmizi the great great neurologist. wahahahhaa. berangan mesti mantap dol.
ehhh ngantuk. waaa malam ni tak belajar. damn lah. so frustrated with myself. kalau rajin mesti i can get good results. kalau kan. masalahnya sekarang tengah malas macam fluffy (kucing fien yg gemok tu) lepas tu sekarang dah ngantuk. macam high. yeay yeay high.
hari tu kan the nite before pathology paper, i felt something crawling underneath my skin. some sort of tactile hallucination. howcome maa? i didnt take morphine. tapi serious dowh. tp time tu mmg dah ngantuk2 mcm haram tp paksa diri jugak baca patho like seriously i wanted to sleep so bad tapi macam kau jgn nak gedik kang esok tengok paper terkapai2 padan muka so i went on reading like damnit penat haram kotttt.
ok i gotta stop now before i go on meraban some more coz mata sudah steam i need to get my beauty sleep. sleep sleep yeay sleep sampai lebam. nak bangun tengahari ok no compromise nak bgn tengahari jugak. its okay as long as i belum kawin im allowed to wake up in the afternoon ahahahahah ok ok wanna sleep now and have some mimpi indah yaw!
no pressure to start studying. wakakakka. this is not funny. exam in 1 week and i've no pressure?? gila apa la perempuan ni! tak guna rasa bersalah if kau still tak buat pape out of it. like how i am now, dari malam tadi kot bersalah tak study, and sampai malam ni still tak study. wakakakakakaka.
siap boleh bantai keluar shopping setelah digoda oleh nadia tarmizi yg tak sedar diri duit kami ni nyawa2 ikan. konon2 rasa bersalah, siap keluar bawak notes, wakakakakka. lawak haram. bace la sket2 dalam auto. 5 minit. ok la kan? lagi seminggu nak final beb. bila lagi nak buat aksi nerd begini?
balik dari shopping, i did some packing. wahahahahahha. ok tlg marah i sekarang! sumpah tak sedar diri kan! orang lain sibuk study aku boleh sibuk shopping la packing la. pergh. dahla malam tadi i watched my name is khan for the 4th time. cacat. because denin invited me for dinner at her house. and diorang ramai2 tengok my name is khan, so i join je lah. 4 kali beb. aku dah hafal script my name is khan, sumpah tak tipu.
i think i wanna go back home in may or june. pretty pls? tapi attendance macam tahi kan. ade hati nak ponteng balik malaysia. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. i miss home sgt kot. and more importantly, i wanna meet my farah before she flies off to scotland!
eh hidup saya bosan kot sekarang. bergelumang dengan medical books semata2. not interesting. u dun wanna be friend with me. and tau tak, tetibe rase nak jadi neurologist. eh bukan tiba2. mmg macam minat neuro kot dari dulu, tapi cam i told myself no way la nak jadi neurologist, tapi tiba2 mcm nak jadi. ok i sound like paria mane tah. but seriously, nak jadi neurologist senang takkk???? tanak jadi neuro surgeon sebab malas nak diri (ok alasan mcm tahi but serious tak suka diri lama2 nanti pengsan) so mcm nak jadi neurologist. u know, Dr Zahirah Tarmizi the great great neurologist. wahahahhaa. berangan mesti mantap dol.
ehhh ngantuk. waaa malam ni tak belajar. damn lah. so frustrated with myself. kalau rajin mesti i can get good results. kalau kan. masalahnya sekarang tengah malas macam fluffy (kucing fien yg gemok tu) lepas tu sekarang dah ngantuk. macam high. yeay yeay high.
hari tu kan the nite before pathology paper, i felt something crawling underneath my skin. some sort of tactile hallucination. howcome maa? i didnt take morphine. tapi serious dowh. tp time tu mmg dah ngantuk2 mcm haram tp paksa diri jugak baca patho like seriously i wanted to sleep so bad tapi macam kau jgn nak gedik kang esok tengok paper terkapai2 padan muka so i went on reading like damnit penat haram kotttt.
ok i gotta stop now before i go on meraban some more coz mata sudah steam i need to get my beauty sleep. sleep sleep yeay sleep sampai lebam. nak bangun tengahari ok no compromise nak bgn tengahari jugak. its okay as long as i belum kawin im allowed to wake up in the afternoon ahahahahah ok ok wanna sleep now and have some mimpi indah yaw!
Saturday, March 6, 2010
3rd IA - done!
okay finished with 3rd internal assessment. i have roughly about 10 more days to go till my final professional exam. *sweating*
i deserve a nite off. yeah. so tonite is the nite. and i shall continue burning the midnite oil tomorrow! hahaha let's hope! and i think i should start doing the packing tooo! yeay i can't wait for europe darling! :D i hope my result won't suck, coz if it does, say byebye to my euro trip!
the results of 3rd internal assessment are out. oh yes it's on the notice board! all i can say is, alhamdulillah! :) though i'm not really that satisfied with my microbiology paper, but erm, oklah i think i deserve that cuz i spent the least time with microb (apart from forensic yg everyone yakin cemerlang) and i won't forgive myself for not flipping thru the histopathology drawings. gggrrr 3 questions on drawings and i freely lose marks on that. damn it damn it. can't forgive myself!
i hate drawing, please note that. dr arathi once told me that i have zero artistic value. wahahahhaa. yes pls, my drawing suck big time. that's why i didn't study the drawings, and damn it i was confident enough that they won't ask for that. padan muka sendiri. 3 drawing okayyy, ternganga gua!
can't wait for all this to end. no more hand pricking for blood, no more dealing with microscope, no more gram staining, just no more!
pray for my health everyone...i dun wanna get sick at this crucial moment. and for the 100th time i'm telling u once again that the exam schedule sucks. so i really need to stay focus and i need all the energy in the world to keep going.
i was redbull-overdosed during the exam week and i failed to sleep for 2 freaking days. though the purpose of me getting drunk with redbull is so that i can stay up all nite to study, i still need my sleep during the day. thanks to redbull, i failed to get even a minute of sleep. miserable okay time tu. hahaha.
i'm not really that kind of person who pulun stay up sampai pagi before the exam day. in fact, i was that person who slept early the nite before the exam. seriously. but medic doesn't allow me to do that. if i did, serious nnti boleh ternganga 90 degrees sebab blur. i remember myself sleeping as early as 10pm before spm, and the same goes during my IB exam. i wish i can still do that now. i guess i can't. aaaaa wish i'm a genius! boleh tidur 24/7 and still perform like orang yg study gila2! huahuhauhaua
ok ok, wish me luck. and till then, my blog akan bersawang lagi. lol. i feel like writing la tapi. tapi tengok lah.
i deserve a nite off. yeah. so tonite is the nite. and i shall continue burning the midnite oil tomorrow! hahaha let's hope! and i think i should start doing the packing tooo! yeay i can't wait for europe darling! :D i hope my result won't suck, coz if it does, say byebye to my euro trip!
the results of 3rd internal assessment are out. oh yes it's on the notice board! all i can say is, alhamdulillah! :) though i'm not really that satisfied with my microbiology paper, but erm, oklah i think i deserve that cuz i spent the least time with microb (apart from forensic yg everyone yakin cemerlang) and i won't forgive myself for not flipping thru the histopathology drawings. gggrrr 3 questions on drawings and i freely lose marks on that. damn it damn it. can't forgive myself!
i hate drawing, please note that. dr arathi once told me that i have zero artistic value. wahahahhaa. yes pls, my drawing suck big time. that's why i didn't study the drawings, and damn it i was confident enough that they won't ask for that. padan muka sendiri. 3 drawing okayyy, ternganga gua!
can't wait for all this to end. no more hand pricking for blood, no more dealing with microscope, no more gram staining, just no more!
pray for my health everyone...i dun wanna get sick at this crucial moment. and for the 100th time i'm telling u once again that the exam schedule sucks. so i really need to stay focus and i need all the energy in the world to keep going.
i was redbull-overdosed during the exam week and i failed to sleep for 2 freaking days. though the purpose of me getting drunk with redbull is so that i can stay up all nite to study, i still need my sleep during the day. thanks to redbull, i failed to get even a minute of sleep. miserable okay time tu. hahaha.
i'm not really that kind of person who pulun stay up sampai pagi before the exam day. in fact, i was that person who slept early the nite before the exam. seriously. but medic doesn't allow me to do that. if i did, serious nnti boleh ternganga 90 degrees sebab blur. i remember myself sleeping as early as 10pm before spm, and the same goes during my IB exam. i wish i can still do that now. i guess i can't. aaaaa wish i'm a genius! boleh tidur 24/7 and still perform like orang yg study gila2! huahuhauhaua
ok ok, wish me luck. and till then, my blog akan bersawang lagi. lol. i feel like writing la tapi. tapi tengok lah.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
a reason for me to smile :)
kamu.....ya kamu.....
tIRAi rancangan pagi hidupku
bIRAi turun tutup malamku
kau sIRAm hari hidupku pelangi
tiada lagi pusaran jingga tersIRAt kusut ribut kabus pudar gerhana sunyi
ukIRAn halus senyuman kamu tidak dpt terhindar dari pemikIRAn ini
myb kau mutiara tIRAm yang jatuh terhempas hebat dari angkasa cahaya
maybe.........
mereka kata kita seIRAs......hehe....ku tersenyum
ternyata kIRAanku.....kita ini telah termaktub kemas rapat tak kn ku bagi terpisah lagi....
tIRAi rancangan pagi hidupku
bIRAi turun tutup malamku
kau sIRAm hari hidupku pelangi
tiada lagi pusaran jingga tersIRAt kusut ribut kabus pudar gerhana sunyi
ukIRAn halus senyuman kamu tidak dpt terhindar dari pemikIRAn ini
myb kau mutiara tIRAm yang jatuh terhempas hebat dari angkasa cahaya
maybe.........
mereka kata kita seIRAs......hehe....ku tersenyum
ternyata kIRAanku.....kita ini telah termaktub kemas rapat tak kn ku bagi terpisah lagi....
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