mari mengamuk bersama saya

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! sgt rase nk jerit out loud and puas2 sebab mcm lega sgt medicine test dah habis! but i still feel miserable. yes i didn't do well i did not i did not i did not! hello, medicine posting kitorang baru je sebulan and dah belajar byk system. respiratory system, abdomen, central nervous system and cardiovascular system. within 1 month la kan, whut u do expect? stakat nk grab the basic things tu pon dah tercungap2 nak mati lagi pulak nk igt sume name penyakit n buat differential diagnosis kejadah. mmg explode jugak otak aku.

mlm tadi mmg dah rase nk give up. i have plenty of time to read but i dunno where to begin. it's just too much nak mampos. tak sempat nk relax lepas test pathology, kene plak test medicine kan. dahla theory and practical buat on the same day. pergh. rase nak je buat perangai tanak datang hospital amek test. last2 mlm td tido awal. kol 11 aku dh bantai tido. mmg dah hati kering. ape nak jadi jadi la. aku malas nk pk dah because medicine is not something u can learn in one night. sumpah tak tipu. so cam dah tekad, mampos la nanti aku kena maki ke ape ke i just can't take it. so i slept.

theory paper tadi MCQ bole la kot. yg tak bole blahnye, short essay 1 soalan 50 markah! apekah? cacat nak mati. ahh, aku bantai je tulis ape yang aku tau. tulis segala benda ape2 yg aku rase aku tau aku tulis je. ye mari tulis mari tulis. janji tak tinggal kosong. then bebudak batch B dah boleh balik cuz diorang dh buat practical test the day before. and kitorang budak2 batch A kene la stayback for practical test plak.

aku dpt patient with diabetis mellitus and hypertension. pushpa 60 years old. the part that i hate the most bila buat history taking ni is the language barrier! argh tension gila s*al! kalau patient tu tak reti english mmg susah amat la. kene cari translator. translator ni selalunya nurse2 kat hospital tu. kadang2 diorang ni not reliable. kita suruh tanya lain, dia tanya benda lain. kadang2 die plak pandai2 bagitau patient tu sakit kat mane ape sume. rase nk sepak tak diorang? tadi mmg aku terkedek2 susah payah cari translator. bila dh dpt, tak smpai 5 minit die kena blah sbb ade kerja. pergh. aku ni nak kene tanya memacam kat makcik 60 thn tu. tension2.

ok dh lame2 tu dpt gak la translator. ade information yg aku tipu2 sikit. lantakla janji pandai cover dengan doctor tu kan. the patient came with a complaint of severe headache, vomitting and she has very high blood pressure. so since she got headache and vomitting, so i decided to do CNS and CVS investigation. berpeluh2 lagi pening2 la aku inspect, palpate, percuss and auscultate the patient. dahla makcik tu mmg weak amat. sian pulak kat dia. tak pepasal jadi sample utk examination aku nih. yg doctor ni pun, bagila patient yg sihat2 sikit. haih.

dah habis examine the makcik, kene tunggu doctor datang and i have to present the case and buat all the physical examination in front of the doctor if required. pergh. ni lagi satu part yg dibenci. punyalah berjam2 aku tunggu dr. jacob ni. tak datang2. dah nak dkt pukul 12, which is time aku patut balik sebenarnye, barulah nampak muka dia. and so i presented the case and dia suruh buat a few CNS tests to check for meningitis. ada yang tau, ade yg tau sikit2 jer. yg penting i didn't do really well. lama jugak dengan dr jacob ni. memacam soalan dia tanye. pergh. pergh. pergh. tapi takpe, dah habis pun. sekarang aku dah lega and i dun wanna know my marks.

speaking about marks. i am so totally annoyed with my pediatric viva. f*cked up gila okay! my mark is not even half. bila tanya member2 yg dpt markah tinggi "doctor tu tanye ape kat korang?" diorang ckp, "oh senang je, die tanye aku satu soalan je, aku dh dpt 18/20. then die suro blah" WTF?!! dahla SATU SOALAN yg die tanye tu was so damn EASY and SIMPLE, it's like the first thing u want to memorize and that's it and they got high marks!! wtf? aku dapat soalan susah kot. i mean, fine maybe tak susah. but as a beginner in pediatric, yg posting hanya 2 weeeks, the questions that she asked me are not something that we really want to memorize, at least not yet in this early stage. dahla she bombarded me with 3 DIFFICULT QUESTIONS and fine sebab aku tak boleh jawab aku dapat low. but at least tanya la soalan yg sama taraf ngan kesusahan soalan aku dkt orang lain? howcome the doctor hanya tanye the grading of clubbing and terus bagi 18/20? at least if nak tanya soalan senang, tanya la semua students soalan senang jugak. or if nak tanye soalan susah, tanye la semua students soalan susah. bapak ah. mane standardization? the marks are definitely not something comparable! aaahhhh im so f*cking annoyed la hello ni carry marks kot? rasa nak je pegi kat doctor tu and tell her about her being so unfair and sgt tak standardize.

yes i blame myself sebab tk tau jawab. i won't be complaining IF AND ONLY IF there is standardization. but now the thing is, doctor tu suke hati mak bapak dia! she doesn't know what she's doing to my marks. errggghhhhh kalau macam tu she can ask me about grading of clubbing only and i can get 18/20 jugak! but no, dia pegi tanya psl dullness over tah mane2 ni penyakit ape, systolic and diastolic murmur la, and a few others! BLOODY! tau la ni just test tp argh sgt annoyed nk mati i thought of biarkan je bende ni but smpai dalam bus pagi tadi and in fact smpai sekarang pon i am still totally bengang ok! SO UNFAIR!

waa nk nangis. my mom selalu kata medic senang. tipu sume tu tipu.

(sorry if u find this entry offensive. some of u mungkin antara yg dpt soalan senang n high marks. or maybe susah n still got high marks. )

p/s : grading of clubbing tu takde kene mengena dengan clubbing dkt club ok. clubbing is bulbous enlargement of terminal phalanges. usually seen in cardiac failure etc etc. ni gambar clubbing. if rasa2 jari2 korang ade rupa camni, pegi la ke clinic atau hospital berhampiran ok.