would it be too much to wish for something? i wish people see me as a person - as a woman (well, or am i not a girl not yet a woman? heh) i wish people see me as one and start to appreciate me and respect me better. is it too much?
this is just frustrating. not to get the same amount of respect and appreciation from the other person is just frustrating. i'm not whining. i'm just expressing. i can't seem to blurt this out to u so i'm writing this.
i was angry. but now i'm sad.
all i need now is a friendly hug and a shoulder to cry on. but i don't seem to have one.
let's just assume that u got me wrong.
yes u did.
i am more annoying and irritating and bitchy and attention-seeker and inconsiderate and whatever whatever than u ever thought. urgh! i am nothing like an angel, i swear i am not so it's ur own silly mistake if u ever thought i was one!! not mine!
yes i really do care about people who are dear to my heart. so if u think u're not one, then just get off my life because i don't need another brat to spoil my mood and ruin my night and break my heart!!!
we were discussing about breast lump in surgery class. u know, about breast cancer and stuffs. let me give u a free lesson here, cewah ;-
peau d' orange is basically a sign of inflammatory breast cancer. it means orange peel skin in French. when the skin overlying the breast looks like the skin of a navel orange, swollen and have hair follicles that give the appearance of numerous little dimples, it is called peau d' orange. u get the idea right? if u dont, go and google it urself, u'll get better explanation :)
during the discussion :-
md shah was presenting about the lymphatic drainage of the breast to the class (yes, anatomy will haunt u forever especially in surgery) and suddenly,
doctor : now tell me what is peau d' orange? md shah : ohhh, peau d' orange is when the nipple turns into orange in color. ( menjawab dengan tahap confident yg tiada tandingan)
GOLEK GOLEK GOLEK. i can't even imagine! best lawak of the month! hahahahahahahaha
falling in love during high school is not uncommon. we can simply find these school kids walk hand in hand with their gf/bf after school. they really walk their heads up - proud to have someone they can call girlfriend or boyfriend, at such a young age. yeah, kids nowadays.
high school is full of dramas don't u think so? that's because most of us are going through our rebellious phase at this age. having a steady boyfriend/girlfriend at this age can really add up more spices to ur dramas. whether it is good or bad, it really depends on u.
most of the time after finishing high school, u'll find the same person walking hand in hand with a totally different partner. yes, the sweetest couple in school finally broke up. but why?
they used to understand each other more than their sibblings do. they used to do fun stuffs together. they used to be with each other through high and low. they used to do everything together. and there wasn't a single sign showing that they are not meant for each other. everything was perfect, back then. and yet, they broke up, after so many years.
this is so common. i've seen a lot of my friends, who have been dating for years and years (some of em even date up till 7 years) and still, they don't make it to the end. they say, make up don't break up, but some relationship just won't work after some time, and u just can't trace the mistake.
is it not love that they were sharing all this while? well yeah, it was love, purely love. just my humble point of view, i think high school lovers are meant to learn from each other, not just about love, but about everything, about friendship, responsibilities and everything about life so that u are more prepared to face the world in the future.
the laughter u shared and the tears u shed, those two are the platform that makes a stronger you. some people might say, throw away all the memories u have with ur high school lover and start over a new life. to me, u can still start fresh without throwing away anything. keep those memories somewhere, because u might want to thank him/her for making u so much stronger today, for making u a better person tomorrow, and yes, for that precious time spent together.
u might hate him/her now, but hatred will bring u nowhere. there are reasons why they don't make it to ur future. there are reasons why they are history. and most importantly, there are reasons why u met him/her some time ago. there are always reasons. so don't cry because it's over, but smile because it happened.
sometimes, it takes u numbers before u can meet THE ONE. well, don't take the previous relationship as ur love or first love or whatever, instead, take it as a lesson. now it sounds better right? and make sure u learn ur lesson :) life is the real teacher anyway.
p/s : some people are not meant to be ur lovers, but they are meant to teach u what life is worth. be thankful to those people.
when u say life is a bitch, that means, life has taught u so many things. and when u meet a bitch, don't hate her, get to know her, a bitch too can teach u something :)
been busy. coz i've been watching nur kasih sampai tertak pegi class. how bad is that. hahaha. ni keje rakan2 yg berjaya influence i tengok the series la ni. big thanks yea.
to my surprise, an old friend of mine turns out to be one of the actress. pergh. tak ku sangka! memule cam knal tak knal because she was wearing tudung in the drama and i was like "oh muke je kot same" but then it was confirmed by a friend.
well well, i guess smks9 is already known to produce people that are very much involved in this industry! model la (and i pon baru tau some time ago that hanis zalikha was from my school too) , pelakon la, penyanyi la, even designer yg masuk the project runway. thumbs up to these talented people :) proud to be the niners. hahahah.
btw, the timing for this nur kasih series mmg bebetul kena la because ramadhan is approaching soon and i can't wait for it (note to self ; ira sila habiskan ganti puasa anda) but this time, i'm gonna spend the whole ramadhan in bangalore. sigh. can't really imagine. last time sempat puasa dalam seminggu je then we got our holiday till raya but this time, we're going back home one day before raya! better than nothing right.
being a grown up, i never really get excited about raya. we have no place to celebrate anyway. every pagi raya will be spent dkt rumah sendiri in shah alam, with just us, most of the time. omg i sgt nak balik kampung, sadly i takde kampung. takde kampung because i don't have datuk or nenek on either side anymore :( and the rest of the relatives selalunya raya dgn family lg satu so there'll be no family gathering on my mom's or dad's side on pagi raya. now that's sad kan. but i'm very much used to it. don't tell me to suggest a family gathering because i've been suggesting that to my dad/mom since ages but well, it's not easy.
the best raya i had in my whole life was in 1995 in pekan, pahang. that's the best ever. in 1996 my grandma passed away so no more pekan, pahang as my kampung. then every year i had my raya in kampung lagi satu in gombak, selangor will 2001 when my other grandma passed away. well raya in gombak pun mcm raya at just another house in town. not really a kampung, but it was a lot better than beraya in my own house in shah alam. tak feel langsung. ala, sedih plak.
isk, why am i talking about raya when it's not yet ramadhan? lol. i rasa i homesick la :(
i can still picture the past vividly, and i still remember when i had trouble doing my math calculation during my school years, i would seek for my parents' help. unfortunately, 2 major problems with this are :-
me : abah, cane nak buat soklan math ni? abah : (looking at the question, raises his eyebrow) erm...jap kasi abah bace soklan dulu. me : cane ni? abah : ish, ape bende ni? abah tak tau la. dulu abah blajar math in english la. apa ni? cerakinkan? amende cerakinkan tu?(ok i cant remember the rest of the mathematical terms in malay)
sigh. same goes to other science subjects. despite being an engineer, he can't seem make me understand physics well because of the language barrier. instead, he'll be boasting around with the fact that he learned all these things in english, once upon a time.
major problem no 2.
me : mak, ajar math ni, tak reti la. mak : oh camni memule tambah ni pastu darab tu pastu bahagi pastu tolak ( mengajar dengan sepantas kilat) me : (terkedu, trying to catch up) er, ok i'll try. mak, tunjuk balik semula? mak : ishhhhh die ni kan @^%^#WER#%@ B^#^@%@%#@%^&((@$@!!#% kan mak dah tunjuk tadi buat camni #!!%^((^&$@!~! tu la kat kelas ((%@#!~@!~_(%#(%#( me : (tension dan menangis)
well yes, i cried. and that situation is only applicable during my primary school years. ahaha in case u're wondering, yes that's my mom. she can't stand someone who is not up to her pace. (well that doesn't necessarly means i begitu lempong dalam math sekolah rendah it's just that my mom was soooo impatient gggrrrrrr hahahah) major problem isn't it. the same thing repeats when she teaches my other sibblings. i am certain that if ever she's a math teacher, she is definitely a scary one, i mean, really really scary.
things change. after so many years of not sharing anything ilmiah with my parents, well, especially with my mom (due to fear of another mental depression akibat kegarangan emak sendiri), i am now free to share (and yes, ask) anything and everything about medicine with my mom :) which is, FUN!
oh yes, i enjoy talking about pathology of pneumonia (which my baby sister had some time ago) with my mom, i enjoy talking about parkinson disease (which affected my uncle) in the car (with a drop dead silence from my dad) and i even text her about any interesting cases that i observe in my clinical posting. no pressure at all! i would love it if she can be the one who teaches me all these things in the hospital :)
how things change :) loving it!
today, i worked out a case of inguinal hernia with sheila. (sila google kepada siapa yg tak tahu). and so i texted mom.
me : mak, tadi kan kite examine patient yg ade inguinal hernia. ni check yang yg betul2 punya kat patient. seb baik patient tu cooperative and slambe jek. mak : eeeeeeeeee inguinal hernia! kakak malu tak? hehe jadi doctor kene la buat semua tu. buat examination tu elok2 tau. me : haahhaha xmalu sgt sbb ade kawan lain. mak tetibe kite rase nk jadi surgeon sbb cam macho je jadi surgeon. mak : takyah jadi surgeon, nanti too taxing. unless u don't want to get married! hahahaaha
er, of course i want to get married la!
si comel bersama emaknya
my playground (blah la kau ira)
bottom line is, i miss my mom. cepatlah RAYA! nak balik rumah!
tertipu dengan tajuk? lol. nak usrah meh sini datang rumah.
here comes one of those nites that i feel like writing. i am so pemalas nowadays (-_-") ggrrr pathology test next week, haven't started a single bit though i'm truly aware of the bulks of topics that will be included - banyak gila babinski. okay la i'm gonna start tomorrow janji janji.
been skipping community medicine class since ____ ? okay i lost track. haha. tahu tak class commed adalah lagi bosan daripade belajar geografi dengan cikgu lelaki tua beruban berspek bulat berbaju kotak2 berseluar singkat? sumpah kau rasa nak menyumpah masuk kelas commed jadi untuk tidak menyumpah dan menyampah baik kita tidur atas katil demi mengelakkan dosa menyumpah dan menyampah kepada cikgu commed anda sekian terima kasih. KENAPA KENE BELAJAR COMMED WEHHHH? TAK SUKA BOLEH TAKKKK!!!!
there she goes again, complaining kan. adakah tidak bersyukur mendapat peluang belajar commed? hahah, mungkin di hari kemudian, sekarang belum lagi. okay craps.
i miss home. i was in clinical theory classs when i miss my brother so so so much :( is he doing good? has somebody bought new games for him? did anyone bully him? what is he up to now? okay nak nangis. gila emotional tak tentu pasal. no u don't understand this feeling i have for him. rindu ahhhhh dekat amirrrrrr! huaaaaa :( girls, jage amir tau! tell him i miss him so much!
what can i do? i choose to be here. i choose to do medicine abroad. i admit that i do sometimes feel regret with this decision of mine, a procrastinator and a pemalas like me should have chosen a more relaxing course, kan kawan2? but thinking back, nothing is easy. jadi penyanyi pun susah jugak wahahhaha. i wanted to be a singer when i was little (dulu2 masuk talent time okayyyy!) okay berbalik kepada topik asal ye kawan2, now that i dh terlanjur (eh?) 2 tahun in medicine, i just want to survive till my final year that's all. it's too late to make a u-turn so i just have to go forward maka dengan itu marilah doakan rakan anda ini menjadi seorang pelajar yg rajin lagi hardworking dan juga cemerlang gemilang terbilang.
sigh.
topic penutup malam ini ; early marriage is really becoming a trend kannn! i'm hearing news after news about my friends getting married here and there. tahniah. i'm so out of trend hahahah. kesian. by the time i kawin nnti my friends ramai dh anak 5-6 haih haih. okay la, dah menguap macam badak sumbu, yes, mengantuk pun. dengan itu, wabillahitaufik walhidayah wassalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.
p/s : RINDU NAK KARAOKE!! karaoke dangdut paling best dlm alam semesta! (sebnanye suara hodoh nak mamp kot?) TIBA2 RINDU PEREMPUAN2 GEDIK NI AARRGGGHHHH!
my lil sista MAISARAH 15th july 2009 happy belated 14th birthday to u~ sila jaga tumbesaran bontot anda ;p no present for u this year ;p ;p ;p love u mwaksss!
my big sista ZETIAIN 18th july 2009 happy 28th birthday to u~ settle down sooon!!! love u mwakkksss!
also, birthday shout out to some friends :-
IZZ (17th july 09) NADIA TARMIZI (18th july 09) BAYA (19th july 09)
happy 22nd birthday to u girlsssss! mwakssss!
p/s : nadia sayang, kite celebrate esok malam ye? :D
who doesn't want to appear macho, especially in front of the girls? i do! (eh tak, i have to appear ayu) so peeps, thanks to me coz in this entry, i will reveal the real definition of macho-ness from the girls point of view (or it'll be more precise if i say from MY point of view ;p )
we want leaders. yes. it's nice that u consider what we have in mind by asking "where should we go?", "what do we do next?", "what should we eat for dinner?". but those questions can be pretty annoying at times. of course, u do need our opinion but sometimes, we need u to lead us. and show us that u can!
sense of humour is a must. but we're not impressed if u crack some silly + lame jokes. but hey, thanks for trying.
in a crowded place, don't let ur girl walk alone. grab her hand or simply put ur hand on her shoulder to guide her through. we love protective guys. LOL ;p
athletes are hot. show us what the muscles are worth. sweaty looking guys particularly in basketball jersey really get me to my melting point.
if u come from a very rich family, and are spoilt very much by ur luxurious life, u're definitely not someone i would like to live with. but it's okay, u can be my short-term boyfriend and i can share ur luxurious life too LOL.
i don't like smokers. but somehow, i personally think that the thin scent of ur cigar plus ur perfume can be really, er, interesting. hahahah.
appearance is important, so does ur smell. say no to bad breath and say no to shabby appearance. a combination of simple shirt and shorts is the best for my viewing pleasure. wahahah. but, metrosexual is not my type.
macho guys don't swear constantly. u can swear as much as u want when u're hanging out with ur guy friends, but avoid doing it so much when u're with ur girl.
confidence really make u glow so walk and talk confidently.
guys with intelligence and wide knowledge are the most wanted. but beware not to boast about ur intelligence with us. we need a wonderful brain to talk with over a cup of coffee (note that so much of unintellectual craps can be harmful hahah)
guys who respect the elders will definitely get my respect.
macho guys are not afraid to take ur relationship to the next level. there's no such thing as 'mereka kawin sebab gersang' when u're doing it much more with ur so-called girlfriend. yes, that makes u SO UNMACHO.
i really have the hots of doctors, particularly surgeons. i think surgeons are hotstuff. hahahah.
lastly, being the real u is the most important thing. be comfortable with urself and have fun hanging out with ur girl, listen to what she has to say and respond to her appropriately. that's already macho to me :)
okay that's about it. those are the things that i can think of for now. feel free to add more, there's really no harm in helping the guys to become macho wahahaha now i feel like writing an article for CLEO or maybe for some male magazines.
nah, this is some random thoughts of mine for today. wrote this for fun ;p not really a guide u can rely on hahahah. till then, daaa.
little dinosour left for manipal from bangalore last nite. yup spent the weekend with him, after so long! well, azar syazwan is not without a surprise. it was nearly 12 midnite (or was it past midnite?) when he surprised me with something really, REALLY sweet. okay, am not gonna brag so much about it here ;p hahah (let's keep the rest of the details ;p) but one thing i'd really love to share is this ;
pardon the photo quality (camera phone u know)
he made it all by himself. it was quite an effort, considering all the cutting and arranging process. and i must say the handmade wall frame of me and him is lovely. thanks a bunch! :D
p/s : now, that makes him a must-have boyfriend LOL ;p
hey all! okay this post is gonna be full with pics and some vids for my family viewing pleasure! these are the pics and vids taken during my annual dinner last nite, which was held at le meridien hotel, bangalore.
went there early because we were supposed to have a rehearsal beforehand but unfortunately tak sempat ye la kan nak bersiap lagi sound check lagi memang tak sempat la kan. so tkde rehearsal. these are the pics tgh tunggu rehearsal yg tak jadi tu.
ira, baz and sheila~
bukan selalu vain dengan baz - special occasion je okay!
uh oh before i forgot, u guys must be wondering nk rehearse ape kan. okay we had a performance last nite. sheila's boys is our band name. hahahaha. okay kesian sheila, tak pasal2 bebudak ni kenekan dia kan. i main guitar utk lagu nobody's home. 1 lagu cukup la kan sebab ni decide last minute (last minute for me yg tak berape nk gempak main guitar la kan ;p)
okay my dad paling semangat siap wish me luck and pesan main elok2 mcm pro mase dinner nnti. wahahahahha. daddyku mmg cool cooler coolest! abah rindu main guitar ngan kite la tuu! tkpe my sister sarah baru je enroll guitar class, u'll have geng baru utk berkugiran nnti! and obviously this is for u dad, the pics and vids of the band performing. hehehheh mcm pro tu tkde la kan tp bole la mcm artis baru nk naik wakakakakakakka (ira bole diam sekarang!)
vids ni ade 2 parts sbb cik nadia tukang record tertekan stop so sila la tengok 2-2 video ye. JGN KUTUK! wakakakakka diam diam sudeyh! ;p
lol. minah mane tah berkugiran nih.
nobody's home by sheila's boys
gmbar skema sheila's boys from left above : guitarist, lead guitarist, vocalist, drummer, bassist from left below : keyboardist, guitarist, vocalist
gmbar tak berapa skema us again!
ahaha i like this pic!
ade 2 more songs by sheila's boys and those are sejati (rock kapak la kan) and wind of change tp i main for 1 song je ;p cukup kotttt! satu lagu pon mase nk start plucking tu dah ckup tangan menggeletar2 takut tersilap petik wpon senang n simple gile tp still menggeletar cam hape jer.
well, overall the dinner was all good but i expected the hall to be errr, bigger, tapi bole la kan. at least we all had fun! the food was okay, not so bad, ade mknan india tu biasa la kan, name pon hotel kat india, if hotel kat msia pon ade makanan msia like nasik lemak sambal etc etc kan so sape complaint ade makanan india tu mmg not oriented to place kot. LOL.
tak nak cakap byk wpon dh terckp byk, so i better stop. more pics in facebook. for now, ni je pics yg larat di upload dkt blog. okay abah, bole sms skarang utk comment hahahahahaha. sarah, make sure u play better than me okayyyy nnti akak balik rumah kite leh berkugiran!
ladiesss~
me, my babe and shahril note baz's messy hairdo, i did it ;p gorgeous rite?
housemates - bersatu teguh bercerai roboh (err?)
black is elegant
kesayangans!
oh so random
white is pure! (me and roommate theme merah!)
vain kadang2 takpe la kan(blom rase nk lempang muke memasing kan?) with sheila miriam and bazilah zain
so i received sms from daddy cool and mummy cool ;
daddy cool kata "dah tengok the video tapi tak clear sgt and plucking tak dengar sgt...pening kepala tok haji ni tengok dress anak dia adoi mcm nak amek grammys award je hehe"
mummy cool kata "dah tengok video! waaa sexynya baju merah macam bollywood star"
okay, hahah dah agak dah, mesti comment bende lain ;p
Jabat tanganku, mungkin untuk yang terakhir kali Kita berbincang tentang memori di masa itu Peluk tubuhku usapkan juga air mataku Kita terharu seakan tidak bertemu lagi
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