if you choose to live, then you choose to move on.

warning : ini entri berbaur sentimental. sekiranya anda seorang rockstar tegar, i advise you not to go on reading k. today, ini rockstar tetiba mahu layan balada. zassss!

love isn't always the greatest gift. yes love takes you high, so high that you won't wanna step on real world ever again. but they say, the higher you get, the greater is the fall. and when love takes you down, there's no easy way to get up.

a failed relationship is not as simple as it sounds. bila kau dah cinta orang separuh mati, dah berjanji sehidup semati and all of sudden you have to let go everything, i swear to god, it's not easy. they say, don't play with fire, buruk padahnya. well same goes, jangan berani bermain cinta if you don't know what love really is.

i don't say things that i heard. i don't just write things that i read because honestly, i know how it feels like to be at the top of the world with all the love that showers you. tapi, aku juga pernah rasa the greatest fall. the greatest fall yang aku tak pernah jangka, apa lagi bersedia. yes, i never was prepared for that greatest fall.

yes i'm talking about my failed relationship. it was a 5 years relationship. just imagine, dari zaman aku ambil PMR, sampai ke SPM, zaman kegemilangan habis sekolah sampai lah ke zaman aku ambil IB (International Baccalaureate), i was obliged to love only one person. not because i have to, but it was because i wanted to. it started with a typical kind of puppy love, but it got serious as i grew older, and the love got stronger as the relationship got older.

they say i was too young to love. but heck they don't even know what i feel when they fucking say that. and tak perlulah aku ulas dengan panjang lebar the reason of our break-up, it's enough to say that it wasn't because of any other third party. it wasn't a clean break-up. it was one hell of disaster when it occurred to me, or us. yes, both of us. we didn't ask for it, but we couldn't go on any further and that left us with break-up as the only option.

it didn't took me days to recover. not even months. it was longer than that. i made a bet that it was gonna take me maximum 1 year to recover but i lost to my own bet. it was longer than that. moving on isn't as easy as spelling it, or saying it.

bullshit la kepada mereka yang hanya tahu cakap "kau ni tak reti2 ke nak move on dey" because seriously, kalau kau arif sangat perihal 'move on', kau takkan sampai hati untuk berkata macam tu dengan orang yang sedang patah hati. it's always better to shut up, then to let out such a thing to heartbroken people because it hurts to death and really, saying those kind of thing simply means you're inviting a bitch slap on your pretty face.

of course, at this crucial moment, you'll need all the support in the world to go on living. the first few weeks (or months?) was the most difficult time. i can't even go to places we used to hang out together coz i'll end up visualizing the time we used to spend and finally, i'll end up soaking in gallons of tears. and by places we used to go, i meant the whole of shah alam even the pasar malam has its own sweet memories.

months past by, i got a little better. of course, my besties are those who were at rescue when i needed someone to listen to me or to give me advices. they don't judge me like others. and at this recovery period, it's normal to find that your heart doesn't sync well with your brain. whatever that your brain thinks might be good for yourself doesn't make any sense to the heart. well, it's something you can't escape. gotta deal with it.

but true enough. you can't push urself to move on. it's just a matter of time. the quote 'time will heal' is not for nothing, it has worked on me so must work on you too, heartbroken ppl. the only problem is, you can't decide when u're gonna heal but have some faith, tell yourself that someday you'll be fine again. in the mean time, you know committing suicide is not worth it because the next day, or next week, or next month, you'll be back on your own 2 feet, standing tougher than ever before.

but please, if you have friends yang sedang heartbroken, don't push 'em to move on and forget everything. it's not gonna work. it's not gonna help him/her to get away even from the slightest pain by saying that. it's annoying okay kalau kau setakat reti cakap "ala putus cinta je bukan ape pun" wtf you make urself clear that you dunno wtf love is.

during the recovery period, i woke up in the morning and still mourning over the loss. i did lots of things to distract myself, laughed out loud to cover up the pain but truth is, there was still a hole in my heart. there wasn't a single love song that doesn't remind me of the past and though it pains the hell out of me, i kept listening and i kept allowing the past to pass through my train of thoughts. some might have caught me shedding some tears at the most awkward moment ever.

but now, i can smile as i look back, no more shedding tears as i remember the past. it's over and done with. i'm done mourning hee. aku sudah move on dengan hidup aku. cukuplah aku stucked in the past for @$!%! already. god knows exactly how long i had to deal with it. dulu aku ingat aku takkan pernah move on, but now i proved myself wrong. and if you ever feel like you can never move on, you're wrong. it's just a matter of time. as for now, just take it slow and go with the flow. no pushing.

i'm grateful that i'm blessed with people who are sincere to be with me today. be it best friends or boyfriend, they're all amazing people. they helped me get through my darkest moment. and i'm sure, you have your army too, they'll support you in everything you do so don't ever think you can't move on. if you choose to continue living, then u actually choose to move on :)

p/s : i intended to write in malay but i end up writing mostly in english. tettt. not so balada la.

LABELLING

i once did the labelling thingy on my blog to assist you (and myself, of course) searching for my old blog posts but it didn't turn out fine until recently, finally, i succeeded in forcing myself to do the fixing ;p

so, the labels are on the left column of this blog. though it's still a bit messy here and there, it's a lot better than the previous one hehe. here goes ;

MYbrainISnotYOURS - is mainly posts about my own radical opinion. all are authentically my opinion/thoughts so it may/may not be controversial so read at your own risk (just like how i wrote it on my own risk teehee) don't bother to read if you're the type of person who can't seem to accept other ppl's opinion yea? it's an early warning.

experienceMAKESaPERSON - as the label suggests, all posts under this label mainly revolves around my own personal experience. could be my childhood experience, experience as a student yada yada.

GIRLfriends - is basically about me and my friends, our activities, camwhoring session. guy friends also included lah since i dun have that many close guy friends so i dun think it's necessary to create another specific label for guyfriends ;p

BABYbooSUK - teehee. go figure ;p

LOVEisAbitch - my own personal opinion about love and relationship =)

TRAVELogue - as the name suggests, this is where i note down the happy moment i had on my vacation. not really that many lah so dun expect much. no, i haven't been to bora-bora so let's just wait for another, say, 4-5 years? ;p (hint : honeymoon)

ROFL - rolling on floor laughing, well, at least for me haha.

belovedFAMILY - bout daddy, mummy, kak long, amir, aisyah, sarah, baby. all of em!

TIPSandTRICKS - random tips and tricks from me to you. dun expect a professional tips and tricks pls? ;p but no harm in giving urself a try either!

so yeah, we're done here! i'm done labelling!

swinging bowl a.k.a mangkuk hayun part II

remember the series of unfortunate events on 16th July 2010? Hahah i even remember the date. i suck at remembering dates but this one got stucked in my head because it was one really sucky day. really really sucky lah kalau tak percaya you can read it the first part of 'swinging bowl a.k.a mangkuk hayun' here. dat will tell you the whole thing that happened on that particular date.

and on that particular date jugak, i kena amek gambar for my indian driving license. gambar tu telah di ambil directly lepas i bergaduh kaw-kaw punya dengan keling RTO(Regional Transport Officer) ni so memang tak kuasa nak pose ayu or anything. and i did tell you that i look horrible in that picture wahahahahaha. gangster macam sarip dol siotttttt! so this is it, bukti kemarahan i yang sedang membuak2 dekat keling RTO time tu, ni pun dah control sket, kalau tak memang muka sebenar adalah lebih horror. ready?

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tadaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

horror kan? hahahaha damn tak sanggup jugak tengok muka sendiri sebnanye but layan je lah janji siap jugak. this driving license valid for 20 years, sampai 2030 kau. meaning anytime after i graduate i can come back to india and drive sesuka hati. and it is valid throughout india, so it doesn't matter whether it's in bangalore, tamil nadu, delhi, mumbai, goa or kashmir. cecey. ingat aku kerja bawak lori balak ke nak pergi semua state dekat india ni? cukup la drive dalam bangalore je eh. paling jauh aku plan nak drive pegi chennai. eh? aku plan? or berangan?

and cukup la dah dapat driving license sebijik ni. nak buat license pun macam bala tau tak. tadi pun keling durjana ni nak pau aku rs300 lagi? dia kata itu charge untuk postman hantar license kat rumah tapi kat rumah tkde orang so kene return to RTO office balik. amboi amboi. memang mimpi indah la eh aku nak bagi kau rs10 pun eh. toksahla kau mengharap pape dari aku yang miskin hina ni (tp tadi dorg kate duit dah masuk yeay yeay!)

and aku takkan lupa nama keling yang aku deal ni. he's such a pain in the ass. yes you, LAKSHMI KHAN. aku siap dah hafal caller ring tone kau tau takkk! obviously bukan lagu english, tidak juga lagu hindustan, so mungkin aku dah terhafal lagu bahasa kannada.

p/s : bahasa kannada bukan la bahasa canada seperti yang anda sangkakan. kannada adalah sejenis bahasa di india. untuk makluman anda, india ade byk bahasa eh, hindi, tamil, telugu, urdu, kannada, malayalam, heh, ape tah lagi.

Feeling ke raya di perantauan?

First things first, dah bukak Utusan Malaysia newspaper (20 Aug 2010) bahagian Salam Perantauan? Kalau belum, dalam kiraan 3, pergi bukak sekaranggggg! Sebab korang akan jumpa ni ;

Credit to Muzani for this picture.
I paksa dia tangkapkan gambar ni ;p

Wahahahahah click to enlarge to read the ucapan and all. From left, that's me, Ninot, Baz and Nadia. Ala to my regular readers, korang mesti dah kenal punya muka 3 orang ni, sebab balik2 muka diorang jugak got featured in my blog. Hehe. Yelahhh, they're my cinta hati kat Bangalore ni, tempat bersuka ria dan mengadu domba.

I was the one sending this salam perantauan to Utusan Malaysia through e-mail. Serious tak mengharap sangat pun keluar paper sebab previously, ramai dah kawan I hantar salam perantau ni tapi diorang punya setakat keluar dekat website salam perantau je tapi tak keluar newspaper pun. Obviously beribu2 students hantar oversea hantar especially sape2 yang gila glemer tu. Eh eh.

So if you read the ucapan, wahaahahahaha macam siot. Camane la I bole terfikir nak letak nasi impit, kuah kacang siap dengan rendang dalam ucapan? LOL. Agak2 la Ira oi. Lepas tu, I didn't even write pun family kitorang dekat mana. Patutnya I letak la 'buat keluarga tercinta yang berada di Shah Alam(me), Kuala Terenggan(Ninot),Johor Bahru(Baz),Kuala Lumpur(Nadia)' tapi tah apa punya sengal time tu, tak terfikir pun. Nama pun saje nak testing2 hantar. Tak sangka pulak yang kita testing ni pulak dia nak pilih masuk paper. Sebab lepas hantar dekat Utusan Malaysia, I hantar dekat Berita Harian. Tak tau la dia nak keluarkan ke tak, yang tu ucapan best sket. Hehe. Kalau esok lusa keluar, korang inform la k ;p tapi macam tak je. Cukup la satu eh. Tamak btol kau ni Ira. Sape yang gila glemer skarang? Haha.

Actually, this is my first time hantar Salam Perantauan kat paper. Before this tak pernah pun hantar sebab dah 3 tahun kat sini, first year je I raya dekat Bangalore, tu pun time awal2 fly tu tengah bulan puasa, mane lah reti nak bersalam perantau lagi. 2nd and 3rd year I balik Malaysia time raya. Ada je my friends yang hantar Salam Perantau tapi lepas tu balik raya kat Malaysia, LOL, saje je kan. Tapi I malas la buat gitu, cam tak feeling la plak.

Tapi this year, I tak balik raya. Sebab, kitorang tak cuti. But that's not the point, I kan hero, I bole je ponteng if I want, but the actual reason for me not to balik raya this time is because I nak balik Malaysia in Oct. Lagipun I baru balik Malaysia May lepas. So, I decided to stay in Bangalore for raya 2010. And for that, I pun rasa agak relevan la untuk I hantar Salam Perantauan. No cheating la kan kan kan. Hehehe.

And I jugak takde buat baju raya pun tahun ni. Nanti raya, I pakai baju biru tu jugak. Tu baju raya I tahun lepas. Tak pun I godek2 la baju lain, pakai je ape yang ade kot. Tapi tak tau la kalau last minute tetiba I nak buat baju raya kan ;p but it's very unlikely lah. Paling2 pun I nak beli kasut raya je kot. Tapi India ni hopeless sikit kalau pasal kasut2 ni, memang susah nak jumpa high heels yang I berkenan and kalau I jumpa pun, selalunya harge mahal gileeeeeeee!

Feeling ke raya di perantauan? I rasaaaa, feeeling sebab sedihhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :(( First year raya dekat Bangalore, perghhh memang nak menitik2 air mata pagi raya bila housemates pasang lagu raya sebab bangun2 tido je pagi raya, abah takde, mak takde, adik2 pun takde. So macam, sedihnyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Dahla first year raya tu I baru je lagi datang Bangalore, nak masak grand2 macam rendang ke kuah kacang ke memang la aku tak reti kan. Time tu siap bawak kuah kacang instant, loser gila siot.

The thing about India is, India ni biasanya akan puasa and raya lambat sehari daripada Malaysia. So time first year dulu, kitorang dah start puasa ikut time Malaysia, tapi bila Malaysia dah raya, India tak raya lagi. So kitorang tanya la orang2 yg pandai agama, diorang kata kita tak payah puasa on the last day (hari yang Malaysia dah raya) tapi kita tak boleh raya lagi. Paham tak? So that pagi raya yang sepatutnya tu, I dengan segala blurnya tak tau nak buat apa, nak puasa tak boleh, nak raya tak boleh, so I siap bole pegi funfair dengan little dinosour. Funfair tu bukan best pun. Bosan nak mati. Ala, Funworld (budak Bangalore tau la) Gila loser kan pagi raya pegi Funworld. Hahaha.

But this year dengar plan cam meriah je. Macam la. Sebab macam banyak open house. I'm looking forward for it! Mintak2 la diorang masak sedap2. Hehehe. Benda paling best time raya is makan sedap je la. Sebab to those who know me closely, mesti tau yang I takde kampung sebab I dah takde atuk and nenek dekat 2-2 sides. So kitorang dah bertahun2 gak la raya dekat Shah Alam je. Nak kumpul adik beradik belah abah or mak tu time pagi raya susah sikit, sebab masing2 pun ada in-law masing2 kan. So we only have each other je la time pagi raya tu. Yeah, raya I memang tak meriah macam family orang lain pun. Kesian kannn kitorang?

So selalunya pagi raya tu pakai baju raya pun just buat cukup syarat je. Sebenarnya tak nak pakai pun takpe sebab bukan ada orang lain pun. Nanti dah tengah hari dah boleh tukar pakai t-shirt balik lepas tu melepek depan TV sampai malam. Tu je la activity raya kitorang. Ala tanak cerita la. Nanti korang kesian kat aku. Or aku kesian kat aku. Nanti sedih je hehe.

But whatever it is, as long as you have your family with you, nothing else would matter anymore. Kan? Tapi this year, I won't have my family around with me on hari raya, they won't have me around jugak, mesti diorang sedihhhh ;p tapi I sedih jugak. Tapi takpe, experience la kan. Takkan every year pun nak balik Malaysia time raya. Nanti dah besar you don't any interesting stories to share with your kids. Macam my dad, dia suka cerita time dia belajar dekat Scotland dulu. Camane dia survive his first time in a foreign country, camana dia spend pagi raya, apa dia makan, his mat salleh friends etc etc.

Abah cerita, dulu time raya, they all will ponteng kelas, pakai baju raya siap songkok samping semua, sewa kereta and go for a road trip with his friends. Macam cool jeee. Sooo, any idea for my raya in Bangalore? :)

Stress belajar? Stress bercinta? Stress berkawan?

Budak sekolah rendah pun reti stress bila cikgu bagi homework math tambah tolak berlambak2, ape lagi aku yang sedang belajar medic dekat negara tak senonoh ni. Tapi time kecik2 dulu aku tak stress sebab kalau ada homework aku buat2 tidur awal lepas tu pagi tu time nak pergi sekolah agama buat2 menggelupur ngadu kat mak aku kate aku tertidur awal homework tak siap lagi, so mak aku pun memberikan bantuan kemanusiaan berupa pertolongan menyiapkan homework math aku. Bangga mak aku ada anak camni -_-"

Lately ade je benda yang nak kasi aku stress. Stress aku merangkumi financial, relationship, friendship and deal ngan keling durjana errgghh tanak cakap pasal keling nanti aku rasa nak pulas puting sekor2 smpai tercabut. Kan dah ada unsur2 stress di situ. So anyway, here are some things that I usually do to kiss the stress away.

1. Nangis sampai mata lebam2 lepas tu tidur. This is the simplest thing I could do to let the burden out of myself. Bunyi macam budak gedik yang cengeng sikit2 nak nangis but cengeng tak cengeng, to me, crying is like a defense mechanism. Allah bagi nikmat nangis tu utk legakan hati yang sakit. Tapi in return, aku akan dapat kepala yang pening sebab nangis banyak sangat. Bile dah pening, ape lagi, tidur la. Haha but dun worry, I dun usually cry in front of others. Nangis senyap2 sorang2 sudeyh.
2. Shopping macam orang kaya. When you're able to grab anything and everything atau dalam erti kata lain, beli je semua benda macam kau bini Donald Trump, sumpah boleh buat kau lupa semua mat mat durjana yang sakitkan hati kau, atau kawan2 yang perangai macam cilakas. I can shop from sun to sun, balik rumah terus senyum lebar, tiada lagi air mata tiada lagi lagu2 sayu menemani hari-hariku. Tapi andaikata anda stress disebabkan masalah kewangan, maka this method is not a valid way to kiss away your stress. Tambah stress ade la kak.
3. Chocolates and all sorts of junkfood. I'm not really sure in what way does the chocolates help to alleviate my burden but I would really end up spending so much on chocs and other junkies when I'm down. Serious wei, time kat KMS dulu, kalau aku stress, habis chocolate kat ko-op tu aku rembat lepas tu kunyah choc sampai lebam. Kat sini, kalau nampak aku tetiba beli Ferrero Rocher yg besar tu, memang sah sah la aku tengah stress. Yang sakitnya, kadar kelenyapan choc adalah sepantas kilat. Ferrero Rocher mahal kottt, tapi tu je choc yang aku lalu nak telan kalau kat India ni. What to do? Crunchie mane ade jual kat sini. Ni crunchie yang little dinosour kasi sebulan yang lepas. Sekotak okay dia bagi. Ada la dalam 24 batang. 2 weeks dah habis. Tu pon paksa diri gak nak spacing rate of crunchie consumption. Kalau tak, mau habis dalam masa 5 hari.
4. Karaoke/clubbing/sewaktu dengannya. India mane ade karaoke huhu, tapi apa ada hal, kunci bilik, bukak lagu kuat2 and then get the party started. Sorang pun sorang lah. Consider that as my own private party haha. Hey, I can still have fun on my own okay.
   
5. Drive laju2. It's a bad habit. I think I got this from abah. I remember my dad pernah drive laju gila babi sebab time tu tengah mengamuk ngan anak kesayangan dia ni,aku la.Cuak siottt! But I end up with the same habit. Nanti kan time drive laju2 tu, I'd wish I meet with an accident, masuk hospital sampai semua orang yang buat aku stress tu menyesal gila terus taubat tanak kasi aku stress dah. Tapi so far, kalau agak2 aku dah nak tercium bontot kereta lain, aku brake gak utk selamatkan nyawa sendiri. Haha drama sket. Tapi kalau kat India, mimpi ar nak speeding, kau baru speeding tak sampai seminit dah ade auto bawak 10km/hour kat fast lane, buat tambah stress gua ade la kalo camni. Lagi2 ferrari aku lately agak sentimental sket, suke nak merajuk ngan aku. Haihhh, baru ku tahu erti kepayahan membela kereta. Boyfriend aku pun tak senti camni
6. Peaceful place. Secluded beach adalah the most effective place for me to forget all the stress in the world. My dad kalau bawak kitorang pegi laut, mesti dok risau aku hilang sebab aku suka nak hilang tiba2 dekat pantai. Saje je, sentimental sorang2 sket. Tapi nama pun duduk tengah bandar, banyak demand aku nak carik laut everytime aku stress. So contoh tempat yang lebih relevan dgn my situation is rooftop my apartment kalau dekat India. Kalau dekat Malaysia, I usually pergi lepak dekat this one bukit, not Bukit Beruk k (budak Shah Alam tau la kat mana) or kalau tkde kereta sangat, lepak celup kaki dalam kolam ikan kat rumah aku sambil cakap2 dengan ikan. The first pic ni is at my own little sweet escape, dekat rumah sendiri mengadap kolam ikan and cakap dengan ikan sorang2. The 2nd pic was taken when I was in Colombo. Cewah cam glamour je kan. Colombo tu Sri Lanka la kak.
7. Sharing is caring. Of course, aku bukan jenis yang simpan all my problem to myself. I usually cerita dekat my besties and boyfriend. Ala I know cam annoying je nak layan my sentimental tapiiiiiii, tak kira, korang layan gak. Haha. Paling rare occasion, and if I do it means aku memang stress yang amat sangat, is to share it with my mom. Tapi tengok season gak, kekadang mak aku ni leh je bagi her words of wisdom, memang aku leh lega la after that, tapi kalau kena words of wisdom tu nak nyalahkan aku je keje, bertambah2 la stress aku. Haha ni susah ade mak unpredictable ni. Dahla garang cam askar. Tapi memang takdenye aku nak cite problem kat my dad (except problem kete and duit ar) sebab my dad adalah orang yang paling tak reti menenteramkan orang lain. Dia dengar problem kau pun dah cukup bagus, selalunya dia tertidur atau buat2 bz ngan benda lain bila dengar aku mengadu domba -_-"

Tapi whatever it is, lepas dah puas release tension, lepas dah puas sumpah seranah, lepas dah puas bersentimental, always remember, stress is a tool that helps you be a better person. Stress prepares you for the worst. It's okay la nak menggelupur release tension la, nangis sampai lebam la, but in the end, move on la weiii.

Hehe pandainye aku cakap. Semoga stress management aku improve lepas ni. Amin ;p

beginning of something new

Last nite was our last goodbye in India. In India eh, saya ulang. Nanti dekat Malaysia bertemu kembali hehehe. So anyway, I sent him off at the airport. Ada orang dah nak balik Malaysia for goooood :( leaving his girlfriend behind. Huaaa, but what to do, MARA kata balik, kene la balik, takkan nak buat drama nak stay ngan girlfriend pulak. Lagipunnn, sape nak stay kat India lelama? Gila ape?

Yang dia ni dok risau about his visa. Visa dia expired 16th Aug, but his flight is on 17th Aug, tapi awal pagi la, around 12.45am. Dia dah dok cuak nanti kena tahan kena masuk jail la apa la. Hahaha boleh tahan la gak kerisauan dia ;p kelakar pun ada. But alhamdulillah, everything went smoothly though memula his baggage and all kena tahan dekat check-in counter, tapi dia lepas immigration so okay lah. Lepas lah semua.



That's him and his excess kgs of baggage. Nasib baik la kau dapat extra 5kg daripada MAS Airline. Nasib baik jugak ada girlfriend tempat tolak barang2 yang agak2 cam memberatkan bag. Haha suka suka. I got his yoga mat, penyangkut baju, speaker best, albums, ikan bilis pun dapat okay. Orang bagi kita amek. Ikan bilis dapat la menampung stok I lagi 2 bulan kat India. Mekaseh sayang! Speaker best tu bole la I bawak2 gune tuk clubbing dalam bilik. Tapi cuti sat sebab bulan Ramadhan, tak elok melagha. Beliau juga menumpangkan beberapa barang beliau yang agak berat dekat I dengan harapan nanti I balik Malaysia I bawak balik barang2 dia hahaha. Pe lagi, 1 kg RM50 ok? ;p He has 1 tupperware of Malaysian coins, berat okay, ni dah selotape ketat2 punya, I pun malas nk bukak curik. Hehe. Ada jugak his marble mini Taj Mahal. Pun tak bukak lagi. Tengok lah if I rajin I godek2 la barang dia ;p

Now he's already in Malaysia. Haish. It's the beginning of my long distance relationship. Haih, 2 years jugak nak kena survive before I go back to Malaysia for good. Hopefully la both of us can make it. Hopefully 2-2 rajin nak contact each other, trust each other, tak buat pasal to each other and tak carik lain jugak. I can only hope for the best. But knowing him, I know he'll do his best to keep this relationship jugak! :D

Maka dengan itu, I dengan tidak sengaja telah terjumpa gambar I zaman KMS, wahahaha, gmbar ni pernah tampal dekat card library KMS (cop pusat sumber spotted) found it in my handbag (handbag I memang cam magic, macam2 ada) time tengah lepak2 berbuka with him. So I terus kasi dia letak dalam his wallet. Hehehe. This is it ;


Tengok ar muka girlfriend anda sampai lebam eh. Jangan mimpi nak cari lain ;p I dah jampi gambar tu! Hahaha. And, distance is nothing lah. We survived Manipal-Bangalore relationship, so we'll survive this one jugak! :)

Till then, daaaa!

puzzles of life in INDIA

Agak jarang jugak la kan aku upload gambar in my blog. So the bosan. If we're still my camwhoring era, this blog is sure full of pictures heheheh. Too bad I'm done being a total camera bitch :) This holds true only when my girls are not around. Once they're around, I'll switch myself back to the old me teehee.

So, bits and pieces of life in India. Not a really interesting one. But hey, at least I have a life in India LOL.

These are pics taken during the futsal tournament some time back. Credit goes to Butet for the pictures. The futsal tournament was open for everyone, kaki bangku or not is not a problem as long as u can sepak, sepak angin also can. But I didn't join the tournament coz firstly, I suck at futsal teehee ;p and 2ndly, I was slowly recovering from my leg pain which was due to long term wearing of high heels. Take note girls!

But hey, I did lots of cheering! Never fail to be a damn supportive cheerleader so far ;p that's the only one thing I'm talented at in sports (is cheerleading considered as sports anyway? haha)

layan Izz kesasauan cheer for 'em girls ;p

hahah damn this pic looks as if I'm a coach.
Coach la sangat!

Supported both teams on both sides of the court(s)
Told you I'm a damn supportive cheerleader!

Just a random girls-day-out. We didn't usually snap pictures but I dunno la kan apa kena with us this particular day, caught up in vanity, all of us! Uh oh, Nadia was there too but she was the busiest person in the salon so she missed the snapping and all. Went for bowling also but think I told ya ppl already how sucky I am in bowling so yeah, loser of the day was me. Teehee. And thanks, I hurt my forearm for 2 freaking days sebab main bowling -_-"

Gambar kebanggaan Bazilah

Waiting for Nadia ;p

Parking at Mantri Square.
Jakun sebentar because they actually lift up
the car. Jimat space ;p

Going home

Before watching Eclipse with Ninot and Nadia. So long, long hair!

At Swensen's

And life as medical student. I was in Obstetric&Gynaecology posting previously. Well, I kinda assisted a delivery lah hari tu. Hahahah not exactly what you think lah, I didn't help the doc with the instrument and all, tapi macam I helped the docs to maintain the patient in a particular position that helps to ease the process of delivery. Sambil tu I siap support the patient "Muki amma mukiii, mukiii" Just so you know, 'muki' means 'push' in their language. Hahahaha rasa kelakar la plak. But it was a difficult delivery coz the baby was realllyyyy gemokkkk I tell youuuu! But finally the baby keluar la jugak after a very intense process of labor. And walaupun my help was rather insignificant to the docs, and even to the students, to me it was a wonderful experience! It really was :)

Excited about what I did to help the docs, I texted mom and told her everything. She said, she had a forcep delivery when she gave birth to me -_-" Meaning, I was this stubborn little baby who refused to come out from the birth canal, so stubborn that the docs had to use to forceps to take me out. Or maybe, I was this gemok little baby too. Yeah I did ask my mom about my birth weight, agak gemok la! Tapi, I thank my mom for this :) Seriously, each and every son/daughter should watch at least one delivery in your life time, you'll cherish your mom more and more. The sacrifice that a mother has to make for you to live on this earth is just so much you won't be able to pay back.

Btw, yeah, these are random pictures I snapped at the hospital :)

What I wanna be :)

These two girls are rival.
They compete for the next Sleeping Beauty award.
But I guess Denin is still on the lead hehe

And these 2 kids aka budak tak cukup umur sedang
main osom to determine which one of em has to present
the obstetric case to the doctor. LOL.

This is quite an old picture. Taken during our pediatric posting.
That little girl suffers from Neurocysticercosis.
Hope she's fine by now!
But she was too bubbly she sang the Indian National anthem to us ;p

This needs no introduction.
The 2 lazy ass students.

Haha how can I let myself be this selebet?!
Me with an Indian baby at Maternity ward.

So much for now. Daaaa!

soal jawab annoying

aku pantang betol la kalau aku tanya sungguh-sungguh tapi orang tu jawab macam gampang. nak tau jawapan gampang camane? aku leh bagi contoh je ar :

Q : eh nak keluar ngan sape?
A : ngan kawan.

obviously la mangkok aku tau la kau keluar ngan kawan. dah name pun duduk serumah dengan member dah tentu lah kau keluar ngan kawan. and obviously jugak kawan kau tu kawan aku so ape ke susah sangat nak cakap nama?

Q : pakai cantik2 nak gi mane?
A : keluar

bodoh ade ke orang pakai cantik2 nak duduk dalam rumah. ni lagi satu makhluk bodoh. dah tentu ar kau nak keluar, tapi soklan aku tu mesti la sebab aku nak tau kau nk keluar pegi mane. buat perabis air liuq aku je tanye soalan kat kau kalau kau setakat nak jawab "keluar" yang obviously orang bijak pandai get it kau nak keluar rumah!

Q : masak pe?
A : ayam

diharap dapat la kan jaga hati aku yang pergi pasar beli ayam tu. soalan senang je pun pesal payah sangat nak jawab leklok. jawab je la masak kicap ke masak merah ke masak asam ke. goreng ke bakar ke panggang ke rebus ke celur ke. susah eh?

dah lah. hari ni aku annoyed dengan semua orang. paling annoyed dengan negara ni. agak-agak la kan nak blackout 10 kali sehari, bil letrik aku bayar je kot, pe lagi tak cukup dowh? ni kalah orang dok gua.

stress ah camni.

preparation

Where do I begin?

Finally, it's about time for little dinosour to fly back home, for good. He's half way done with his MBBS twinning programme. And that marks the end of his studying years in Manipal, India.

4 days from now, I'll be dealing with long distance relationship. True, we were already in long distance relationship as Manipal and Bangalore is 12 hours drive away from each other but it doesn't really feel like it coz the calling rate is still cheap, there's no time difference and he will come and visit me in Bangalore occasionally.

But this time, it's Malaysia-India relationship. Calling rate will be more. Time difference is there. He'll get busier and I'll get busier too. How do I deal with that? -_-"

Tips?

the hairy talk

it's been awhile :) been dealing with lotsa things lately, minus studying lah. also, i've been having emotional and mental battle recently, thanks to those involved haha (u know exactly who u are) enough to bring down the toughest girl in town. eh eh. but it's okay, managed to pull myself together at last, now i can stand tough(tougher indeed) on my own 2 feet yeay!

i've so much to tell but too bad, much to filter also ;p so i might as well play it safe and keep my fingers away from typing it all out hehe. i can feel positive vibes coming! ;p

btw, i had my first ever hair cut in india. first ever! after 3 years, yes, this is the first time that i finally managed to gather all the courage to put my hair's fate in the hands of a manipur (an area in north east india) hairdresser! and the result is this ;


i'm loving itttt! :) thanks for not letting me down coz if the hair cut sucks, i swear that would be the first and last time and the only one time haircut i ever had in india. but it seems like i found my favourite salon already ;p zone bahaya nie.

truth is, i wanted to have a shorter boyish haircut soooo much, but no, raya is approaching and i don't wanna have a short hair in kebaya or kurung, plus my sister's reception is some time soon and again, i need my long hair for the ceremony. heheh ;p

and sheila had her first ever high-lighted streaks on her head! watching her getting her hair highlighted makes me go goyah! hahahah it was just a week ago when i decided to keep my hair in its black colour but errm, i might want to reconsider ;p

and i've a question, how do i have blackest black hair? u know, the healthy black hair. i don't think my black hair looks so healthy. if i find a solution on how to have a jet black hair (other than dyeing it black) and i might give it a shot! so, yes!

p/s : in case u're wondering, most hairdressers in india are those from the north east region of india. they're indian citizen, but they have fair skin and they look more like chinese/malay. ala, u get it kan? coz they're mostly from tibet jugak.

enough

had enough of these bloody craps and bullshit,
dare to add up some more?
i'll kill you!

Seniority part II

memang i am totally against seniority. tapi dalam satuuuu je situation yang aku sokong gile seniority ; ADIK BERADIK.

sebab adik2 aku semua berperangai seperti hantu. memasing struggle je panggil aku 'akak' tapiiiii kalau datang diorang punya perangai hantu tuuu, kau 'akak' ke 'kak long' ke 'kak ngah' ke 'nenek' ke ape semua tu takde makna lagi. dengan serta merta terus bantai 'aku-kau'.

aku kalau marah diorang ni, mimpi la diorang nak takut. time kecik2 dulu diorang takut la sampai nangis2, tapi lepas tu aku nangis 2 kali ganda lagi kuat sebab nanti diorang report kat mak aku, mak aku hentam aku balik walaupon aku innocent 120%. sekarang ni mimpi la diorang nak nangis, silap2 aku yang nangis sebab stress marah2 tapi diorang tak takut.

kitorang kalau gaduh, 1st step adalah gaduh mulut. ingat diorang ade tapis2 ke gaduh mulut dengan aku yang bergelar kakak ni? takde punya. walaupun time kat class bahasa diorang bantai tido atau pun karangan diorang buat asal boleh, tapi kosa kata diorang bila menyumpah seranah, bole la dikatekan setanding dengan aku. stress okay gaduh mulut ngan budak kecik ni, padahal yang paling muda tu beza umur ngan aku 10 tahun gak, tapi bila memasing masuk hantu, tak semena-mena rasa cam sebaya je sumeee sebab sume cam laser je mulut kalah azwan ali youuu!

next step kepada pergaduhan kami ialah penggunaan fizikal. haa, ini depends. ada banyak jenis ; sepak, tarik rambut, lempang, baling barang dan sebagainya. tumbuk je tak pnah lagi sebab cuak je nak tumbuk, kalau bukan mata dia yang lebam takut tangan aku yang bengkok. bayangkan adik ngan kakak bersepak-sepakan? atau bertarik-tarik rambut? adik korang ada perangai camni? ke adik aku je?

yang paling aku takkan lupa sampai mati ada this one time aku gaduh dasyat gila ngan aisyah in the car. memang gaduh serious ar ni, bengang sangat sampai tarik2 rambut while i was driving. boleh? aku ingat la dia pun pandai pakai otak tkdenya nak tarik rambut aku balik sebab aku tengah drive, mane leh tarik rambut orang tgh drive, nanti ganggu konsentrasi, tapiiiii, aku rasa dalam otak dia "takpe kakak aku terer je drive so apa ada hal aku tarik rambut dia time tgh drive" maka berlakukan episodes of tarik menarik rambut between me and aisyah dalam kereta, and yes, aku terus je drive. bodoh siot. padahal gaduh sebab memasing berkira tak nak keluar kereta belikan air soya untuk berbuka. last2 ape pun tak dapat.

see, diorang apa ada hal aku ni kakak ke ape ke janji lepas. and we don't usually say sorry, selalu baik sendiri je. tau tau je esok lusa dah boleh gelak sama-sama balik. aku tak pernah la simpan sangat benda-benda ni dalam hati. sebab adik beradik pun kan, kau nak gaduh lama-lama pun tak berbaloi, esok lusa kau panggil aku jugak mintak tolong. kekadang tu baru gaduh kaw-kaw tak sampai sejam, tetiba carik aku mintak tolong hantar pegi rumah kawan. perrrgghh hangen tak hangen. aku nak tak nak kena la layan kan, kalau tak mak aku pulak yang bising. tapi ade je time aku paksa bebudak ni mintak maaf kat aku. ahahaa. tatau la if it still work now? dah lama pulak tak gaduh ngan diorang sejak duduk india nih. wahaha.

so, kan best kalau boleh praktikkan seniority within adik-beradik especially kalau adik-adik anda memang berperangai seperti hantu jebon sebab having these kids as my adik adalah contributory factor kepada kehidupan yang lebih stress dan stress dan stress.

if there's really such thing as seniority in siblings, kehidupan akan menjadi lebih tenang dan aman damai.

Seniority

one major difference between student perempuan and student lelaki adalah seniority. most of the time, seniority adalah sangat melampau-lampau among the female students but the guys can actually get along well regardless of age.

in this particular matter, i prefer to be one of the guys. seniority is only for idiots who thinks that having a bigger number on their age makes 'em superior than ever. it sucks to admit that seniority is actually quite common in girls.

the idea of seniority is for us to respect those who are of older age than us. yes i totally get that and i do respect those seniors of mine (as long as mereka berperangai seperti senior) tapi for some seniors, respect is just not good enough. diorang struggle jugak nak gunakan title senior tu to the max that they do stupid stuffs like ragging etc in the name of seniority. that's just, pathetic. okay, aku tak nak cerita pasal ragging coz that is so high school, so macam takde kena mengena sangat dengan kehidupan masa kini. ditch that part.

i am against seniority. on the surface, it may sound like aku ni snobbish little girl yang bajet star tak nak respect seniors and all. tapi kalau kau tak pendek akal, u won't think that way. why do i hate seniority is because it limits students from different batches (and age) from mingling. kalau ada seniority melampau, tak erat la silatulrahim, tak gitewww u alllzzz? ahaha

me and the juniors!

bukti yang menunjukkan aku sangat against seniority is when i was in school. takde maknanya nak bersenior-junior bagai. i was one cool senior okay (halamaks statement sendiri buat ;p) maksudnya, i got along well with the juniors. siap boleh lepak sama2 dekat bilik makan share2 makanan, stay up gossip2 dengan juniors, nyanyi ramai2 time tengah mandi kt bilik air (tp mandi lain2 okay) berkerjasama letak tong sampah banyak2 depan pintu warden yg kitorang tak suka (eh eh?) dan sebagainya.

seronok okay kalau seniority tu tak melampau. aku tak rasa pulak diorang tak respect aku as a senior walaupun kitorang close macam tu. of course, dekat asrama dulu they did call me 'kak ira' but honestly, and personally, aku tak berapa nak suka orang address me as 'kakak' kalau kau setakat muda setahun dua. to me, muda setahun dua tu still di kira sebaya so tak perlu lah struggle nak panggil aku kakak. tapi takde la bermaksud aku benci bebudak yang panggil aku kakak. suka hati korang la kot. and aku sendiri pun takkan pernah reti nak bahasakan diri aku 'akak' with my juniors. i can only bahasakan diri aku 'akak' with my siblings je, or dengan budak yang 10 tahun lagi muda dari aku. tah, it feels weird la nak bahasakan diri 'akak' with juniors. haha.

sebaya je pun kan? apesal nak menggelabah
sangat senior junior beb.

and on my side jugak, aku pun tak suka sangat panggil orang 'kakak' if she's just 1 or 2 years older. bukan apa, bukan tak respect ke apa, cuma if dah panggil 'kakak', automatically rasa ada gap dekat situ. it doesn't feel "sebaya" anymore. ingat senang ke nak buat lawak sengal if the gap is already established? nah. not fun anymore. boo.

bukan semua lah. some people i can still call her 'kakak' and still boleh buat lawak sengal etc. but tah, maybe that's just my way of interpreting things kot : "bila dah panggil 'kakak', dah ada gap, so it's no longer fun". dat's what i think lah. what say u?

tapi aku takdelah berkira sangat tak nak panggil orang 'kakak', it depends, kalau rasa cam kena panggil 'kakak', aku layankan je. tapi aku paling paling paling menyampah kalau orang tu sendiri sound suruh aku panggil dia 'kakak' lagi2 kalau dia tua setahun je dari aku (which most of the time, tak sampai setahun pun, ade la 3-4 bulan lagi tua dari aku) eh tolong eh, sangat takleh blah. memang aku terus palang, sumpah aku tak suka. i have no explanation for this, just tak suka. maybe sebab aku rasa dia macam menggelabah sangat nak orang respect dia kot. boo!

lagi satu jenis seniority yang aku paling nyampah among the girls adalah apebila senior2 bajet bagus ni tak pasal2 label and kutuk2 junior yang tak buat pasal. eee tolong lah grow up. padahal kekadang tu junior tu tak buat pape pun, baik je aku tengok, tapi sebab budak kecik tu cun sket, kau terus nak cop budak tu gedik and ajak satu geng kau benci dia. kesian kot budak tu. tak ke tu perangai menggelabah as a senior?

tah, this one aku observe dari sekolah dulu lah. bila budak junior baru masuk, memang ade setengah2 member stalk diorang habis-habisan. asal budak tu kaye sket, pakai barang branded, cun sket, manje sket, atau caught menangis time call parents, terus kena cop. hek eleh, padahal kau pun nangis same time call parents masa awal2 masuk asrama dulu. tah hape2 la punya mentality. lepas tu terus pakat pulaukan budak tu ramai2 in the name of seniority. wtf?

gossip tgh2 malam sebelum pasang
strategy kenakan reban aka warden. haha.

that's why i envy the boys when it comes to this. diorang lepak je boleh masuk ngan sesape tak kira la umur kau berapa. tapi kalau perempuan, harapan la! kalau umur kau 20, kau lepak ngan budak umur kau senyap2, takyah nak join kitorang sebab umur kitorang 21. pergh. menggelabah gila. but apart of the seniority being the main reason, i think girls are naturally like that. pfffftttt.

p/s : so does that makes me half boyish then?

p/s/s : let's not think we're superior than others because age is just a number. mari bergembira!