so why do you think she walked away?

hello brothers!! (sebab target readers for this post are male readers, which i highly doubt wahahah tkpe lah buat2 je la i ade male readers okkkk! tak pun if you happen to read this post, please print out this post and hantarkan karya asli i pegi magazine maskulin ke whatever pleaseee, OK TAK I BUAT LAWAK JE TAK PAYAH NAK BUAT BEBETUL AKU PANG KARANGGGG)

anyway, pernah tak happened in your life, kau ade awek yang cinta kau separuh jiwa raga, tapi tanpa disangka2, she finally walked away from you? and tinggallah kau tertanye2, ''but she can't live without me, kenape die blah???''

let me ask you now, what did you do to her? and now, please perah otak habis2 and ingat balik, what did you really do to her?

found the answer yet? it's okay. keep reading, maybe in the end you'll know.

girls in love have really fragile heart. as a girl, i admit, girls in love are easily influenced by the one she loves. when i say easily influenced, it includes her emotion, her action and her decision.

just so you know, every words that comes out from your mouth will definitely affect her. whatever you do and your decision, will affect her, will leave her wondering, did he think of me when he made that decision? did he think of me when he did that? paham tak? so know your girl right, be very sensitive about what she will feel because we need that, we need you people to care about our feeling.

TAPI malangnya, lelaki sensitive ni memang species nak pupus kot i rase. kebanyakan laki ni cakap ikut sedap, buat ikut suka, janji kau senang, awek kau tu kau buat2 lupa. ha, tudia laki sek2 sekarang, camtu lah.

TAPI yang malang memang the girlfriends, tapi the boyfriends are usually lucky. pasaipa? sebab slalunye girlfriend2 korang ni penyabar orangnye. believe me when i say, even the most hot-tempered girl can really be patient towards the guy she loves the most. fact!

i would rather call this as 'hukum alam'. girls are naturally (and mostly, not all though) penyabar like that. make her cry million times pun, she'll still love you, make her go meroyan million times pun, she'll still find you, make her thinks she's stupid for still sticking around with you pun, she'll still stick around.

up to the point where the girl gets bitter with you. like, really tawar hati. and this is a really dangerous state of mind. not dangerous as in dangerous physically, but dangerous means she can now leave you anytime, because she had enough of everything.

you know, people will eventually leave no matter how much they love you if you keep hurting and abuse them emotionally. keep repeating the same old mistakes even if they are small mistakes but actually little things like this when you do repeatedly, the girl will first lose her hope in you not doing the same mistakes again, and then she'll lose faith in you, finally she'll know it by heart that you're just not worth her time anymore.

so, she walks away even though she loves you to the very core.

because u've taken her for granted.

sometimes, you don't have to cheat on your girlfriend to lose your girlfriend. repeated small silly mistakes that has been dragging on for too long, that, can make your girlfriend walks away.

sebab dia dah tawar hati dengan kau.

How to be a good decision maker?

i asked myself this question and here's what i can think of. .

nobody really knows if the decision made is the best. fact! you got married to a girl and live happily, go in and out of the country every other year for honeymoon, have kids yada yada, and u think that's the best decision u've ever made.

but u never know what would really happen if you get married to another girl, what if marrying the other girl brings you closer to our Creator, makes you a better person in so many ways, and make you realize what life is all about, now, which one is the best decision?

still, if you can foresee the future, you still don't know which one to choose. right? would you rather choose happiness in terms of wealth/people or happiness in terms of your inner soul n things like that?

i dunno about other people, but to me, when you're in a situation where you need to make a big decision in your life, like for example, choosing a job, or choosing a life partner, first you need to look through the options you have and of course, analyze the kebaikan, kekurangan, opportunity and threat (okay, i'm actually applying SWOT analysis for this ahahaha hebak sangat mu ni dehhh)

*in case you dunno, SWOT analysis is Strength, Weakness, Opportunity and Threat, it's a principle usually applied when setting up a business (well, i studied business and management when i took IB in Kolej Mara Seremban :p - but anyway, i guess you don't have to study business and management to know this thing ahahahahaha)

okay cut that shit about SWOT analysis, what i meant to say is dalam bahasa melayunye, fikir masak2, bincang with your parents and close friends, ask for their opinion and then, yakin dan tawakkal. that's all. make your decision now, and go live ur life!

the best person don't always make the best decision, trust me. but sometimes, every decision made is a new adventure of you, maybe not the final destination that matters just yet for you, but it's the hurdles, the mistakes you think you just made and the experience that you're gonna get through after deciding something yang lagi bermakna and yg sebenarnya lagi u perlukan. paham x paham x?

okay contohnye macam i skarang. i belajar medic dekat India to get my MBBS degree, that's by far one of the biggest decisions i made in my life. i made quite a life-changing decision when i was 18 - to spend the whole 5 years studying medicine in India. i could have taken the other offer to study medicine in UIA which if i were to compare again, banyak jgk the advantages if i study locally, closer to home, i get to keep my friends, probably less stressful coz only God knows how stressful it is to live in India -____-", i won't missed lots of wedding(s), party, concerts etc etc and lots more, and still be able to get my MBBS degree.

comparing my life in India, India is lame okay! everytime i nak final exam, time tu la electric asik takde memanjang, believe me when i say i pnah study utk final exam pakai lilin and lampu handphone, before i decided to get myself an emergency lamp! what's worse? local indian adalah a bunch of people yang byk menguji kesabaran i, janji 5 minit tapi 5 jam kemudian belum tentu you get what you want, what else? i drive here in India, berapa kali drama menjerit dalam kereta sebab i was close to getting hit by another car/lorry/bus (yes, i lost count!!) sampai yang macam immuned tu okayyy.

pnah skali tu i cam mamai2 dalam kereta, someone else (local indian) was driving the car and he was driving so fast and so recklessly (luckily die hebat emergency break and all) and we were so damn close nak kene langgar with a big lorry, time tu all my other friends were sleeping and i was the only one awake and when it happened i macam startled and went 'fuckkk!' lepas tu sambung tido. padahal aku lagi sikit nk mati kene langgar lori ok tapi bole rilek je lepas tu kannn haa that's Incredible India. kalau kau lagi sikit nak kena langgar dengan lori kat Malaysia mesti kau cerita kat semua orang lepas tu kan. kat sini, bende tu semua biase jek hahahaha.

so anyway, my point is, when you look at it on the surface, you and I will agree that studying in Malaysia is better than studying in India. i get to save all the worries and the stress and save myself from getting wrinkles at early age (gosh please) but just look a little deeper, and ask yourself (in this case, myself la), that life-changing decision i made when i was 18, to study in India, was it really a mistake?

.

.

.

nope. certainly nope. betul, i complaint a lot, like really a lot, sometimes i rase breakdown rase nak balik Malaysia je terus nak quit belajar dekat sini coz it's really tough to be here, away from family, with shitty environment BUT...

maybe i need this. maybe i need all this cabaran to prepare myself to be a better person. maybe Allah campak i kat tempat keling ni supaya i jadi manusia yang lagi reti bersyukur bila tengok homeless india tido tepi jalan keje mintak sedekah je, supaya i jadi orang yang bersabar kene deal dengan orang india yang memang tk pernah tepati janji, supaya i jadi orang yang lebih menghargai my family and friends yg jauh dekat Malaysia sebab i rarely get to see them but bila i duduk dekat rumah tu hari2 tendency i nak gaduh dgn mak i adalah sangat tinggi (fact!), get my point?

see, it's not always the final destination that matters, it's always the journey that teach you to become a better person everyday. so if you think ur decision was a mistake, u're wrong, it's a lesson learnt :) so why are we so afraid to decide when truth is, every decision made is a new adventure to all of us, or, shall we call it, a teacher? :)

all in all, when deciding something, be cautious but don't over cautious, be confident about your decision and let God do the rest of the thing :)

the sweetest thing about LDR. . .

i always adore couples who survive long distance relationship :)

no scandal no disloyalty no cheating in between,

it's just one of the hardest,

yet sweetest thing to do,

for the faraway lover.

to me, the sweetest things about being in long distance relationship are ;

when you can trust the person without thinking too much about it,

when you're smiling all on your own just thinking of the crazy things you did,

when listening to love songs make you miss them more,

when reading their messages makes you smile ear to ear,

when you pour your heart out writing a long message to them and feel better afterwards,

when the other half is able to comfort you even from miles away,

when they remember to wish you good morning and good night,

when you're counting the days just to be in his arms again,

when you work hard to finish up things in time so that you can meet each other quickly,

when you don't do things that can break his trust,

and,

when both are really waiting anxiously to be with each other again <3

the reason i'm writing this

jadi, awaklah superhuman itu?

just a normal human being,

tapi bongkak bila berkata-kata,

kau fikir,

kau superhuman with superpower?

it's okay,

mari menanti yang pasti,

satu hari nanti.

specialty

mencuba dan terus cuba is my specialty,

mencuba dalam sedih sakit hati marah sentap serabut is also my specialty,

watching people trying but do nothing 'bout it could be yours.

my little escape

spent a little time with myself at a place that provide me complete serenity today :) i won't tell you the place but you can imagine a serene hideout like the rooftop, beach, cool hill, yeap something like that :))

it's like a habit. wherever i go, i will have that little hideout place where i can go to whenever i feel down or angry or anything. this is me since forever. there was this one time, me and my family went to PD (we never go to fancy island or anything, my parents are certainly not into travelling like me - at least not for my mom) and i was "missing" to a little hideout place -somewhere along the beach je but a little secluded area, just relaxing and thinking- and my dad got really worried he thought i was really missing and marah me like crazy when i got back to our villa :/

back in my home, i always have our little pond area that sometimes i duduk tepi kolam celup kaki just thinking and thinking. if i want an escape yang jauh sikit, i always go to this one condo and lepak at the rooftop overlooking shah alam nice view :) dulu, there's this one bukit i used to go jugak, but now no more sebab ade construction rumah and all (ntah2 dah siap pun rumah dekat situ)

most of the time when i do this, my aim is to gain peace. at this hideout place, i can cry, i can marah, sometimes i write or listen to music and most of the time just blankly stare at the view with heavy monologues inside my head!

if i can make a movie of out this, it's gonna be an awesome one okayy *imagine myself sitting by the beach, tgh termenung, and then ade suara (kononnye suara dalam hati) -i'm not getting married with this guy- -you are getting married with him because this is ur parents' wish- -but i don't love him- -so you don't love your parents?- -but this is about my future- -but your parents are everything-* hahahahahahahha OKAYYYY DRAMA MELAYU TAPI CAKAP ENGLISH.

siapa yang tak pernah buat mcm ni, mesti korang tak pernah tengok movie feeling2 kan or simply takde feeling tengok cerita2 camni :P as far as i know, very few people have similar habit as i am yang will prefer to spend time with myself whenever i feel like it.

i enjoy going shopping alone too, and if i have to i will have my meal alone at the shopping mall, yes it happened many times and i find it normal but people will go, whyyyy ira why you pegi makan sorang2! hahahaha dah i pegi shopping sorang, takkan tetibe i nak call people up just to teman i makan. my own personal record was shopping from morning till night with high heels, having both lunch and dinner alone with snacks in between at mid valley some time back, and i went back home feeling REFRESHED :)

now, i'm going to prioritize my life. i want to concentrate on my studies as my finals is only in 4 months time :D so, yeah. i'll be over this soon! wish me luck!

uh oh before that, i would like to quote my sister as i find this very deep and meaningful. may help some of you too :)

"as long my hubs ,my father and my sibs kenal siapa i and terima i seadanya,i dont need to justify myself to anyone...bukan org2 nie pernah tanya kabar or ambil kisah pun ... :)))"

Grateful

I can't thank you enough for all the wonderful people you gave me.

Thank you, Allah :)