finally a full-fledged doctor :)

Hello and assalamualaikum! 

And hello to my blog! i always wanted to write but it's either i'm too lazy or too busy. yes, both, not a very good combination though. anyways, i'm back in malaysia...for good!!!

yes you heard me right, i'm not on another 2-weeks holiday in malaysia, no bloody way! that era is over because i'm officially done with medical school!!!! can you believe it??? i can't!! this is like having a big burden over my head lifted off and can't you tell, i definitely feel absolutely good about this.

and in today's post i would like to share about my near-death experience. oh yes, i had a near-death experience, not everyone is 'lucky' enough to experience that. so here goes!

my near-death experience is my final professional MBBS examination. hahaha call me a drama queen or what, having to go through that is....beyond crazy. here's a little introduction about my exam so u'll get a clearer picture of why it is a near-death experience to me and all my friends.

first of all, a new system and a whole new format was introduced to us just about 1 year before our final exam. the whole schedule and way of teaching and the way classes and posting(s) are conducted are changed without a consistent monitoring from people who are responsible of the idea.

they came to us telling us that they would like to change this and that and your final exam is gonna be like this and that and leave us just like that without proper guidance and monitoring as how the new system would be. that's just so irresponsible and well, such a pain in the ass for us. we're like...the victims, the guinea pigs, the experiment, the puppets. you know what i mean.

so yeah, i don't wanna go into details of how we fought for our right and everything coz that's another long difficult chapter of our life as medical students but alhamdulillah, we survived. so in short, we went on with the new system and format without proper guidance.

for our final exam, we didn't even have mock exam. study leave was given for only 2 weeks. 2 weeks to revise all the core and major subjects (int medicine, surgery, obgyn, paediatrics, psychiatry, orthopaedics etc) and to make things even more worse, we have to read all these subjects and come prepared for all the subjects in one freaking day, for only 2 freaking papers.

imagine, having to read at least 6-7 very thick text books, memorizing possibly more than 100 kinds of diseases ever existed on this world, only to answer probably 3-4 questions. that's insane. that's bloody insane. and the fact that we're not adequately trained for this makes it worse.

as for the practical part, we didn't even know how the flow is gonna be. just a very vague idea of how the exam will be conducted. that's insane and inhumane. come on, we medical students are human too, have some mercy!

whoa that's a long introduction of why my final exam is such a near-death experience. i hope u're not yet bored with my writing. come on lah i haven't write for months, kasi can lah pls :P so anyway, my stress level was peaking about 1-2 months before my final exam. it got worse when my study leave started. i mean, WORST.

i drank at least 1 red bull everyday to keep me awake till morning coz i study best only at night. not the kind of person who is designed to study during daytime. yeah, that's just me. so yeah, i gotta say sorry to my pair of kidney for exposing you to ermmm, such an offending agent. (you know red bull can cause kidney failure!) but i had to do that. to pass my exam. to stay awake and study as much as i could.

because at that moment, even if i didn't sleep at all, even if i finish reading all the books, i doubt i can remember everything. that's just impossible. so yeah, i cried like almost everyday. cried n whine even worse when it comes to reading topics that i hate that i had to call P because he's the only escape that i have, the only one who was willing to listen to me whining and complaining and crying like mad woman. yes, that bad.

yes i can call my mom and complain. i did. but see, my mom hates cry baby. if i cry more than she thinks is necessary, she'll get mad and nag me and i'll cry even worse. so yeah, not a good option. hahaha. it was crazy weh. there was really a lot to read, like, really a lot and there's no way i can finish reading. so bila bukak buku ni teringat buku lain and then i get stressed out and cry. hahaks

but i'm not the kind of person who gives up easily. yes i'm such a drama queen a little bit lah but there's no way i'm going to give up before i even go berperang. ewah. so, i gotta say, i put my whole effort, the most that i can, into this. i sacrificed my sleep, i sacrificed social life, i sacrificed facebook/movies/series, i sacrificed everything that i could for this, to pass this exam. nerdy level 99999.

for the whole 2 months, my life was all about medic. the only thing i did everyday was studying, crying, calling P and start acting like a drama queen, study again, cry again, eat, sleep, wake up and study again, calling P again and the cycle repeats. such a boring life of a nerd.

at that point of time, i just want to pass, and to pass, i needed a good support system. other than P, of course parents are the core support system, the best i could ever ask for. but i tak boleh always call them, because sebab i ni drama queen, everytime i call them and listen to their voice, even without me complaining anything, i can get all teary and zzz, banjir!

because life was too stressful and listening to mom's or dad's voice and advice really makes me rasa sebak. sebak yang to the max. a simple ''i know you can do it'' from dad can get me all teary. and a simple ''kakak, u are born intelligent ok so no need to worry'' can really buat i nangis. it's amazing how your parents trust you and your ability more than you trust yourself. isn't it?

and onto the real exam day. day 1, i slept for about 2 hours, woke up feeling nervous, getting ready for exam, and guess what, ojy (a cat) peed on my bag. thanks lah. what a bad way to start such an important day. nasib baik tak kena my exam slip. i stayed calm and borrowed mary's bag and went off to college. alhamdulillah, paper 1 was fairly easy.

next day, difficulty level increased by 1 point, 2rd day, difficulty level increased by 2 points. what a life. i biasalah, balik rumah, nangis sorang2 dalam bilik. lepas tu call P nangis2. zzz. our MCQ paper was ridiculously tough. even our doctors agreed that those questions are not our level. the answers are not even there in the standard text books for undergraduates. you gotta study journals and google to pass the MCQ. dude, we seriously have no time for journals and internet information. text book pun separuh aku tak habis bace kot. agak2 la wei.

and then comes the practical part. it was a total joke especially our OSCE. we were told different instruction and turned out, it was carried out differently. we were told that we were going to have 2 rest stations which means we get extra time to fill in whatever questions that we left from other stations, i remember that clearly, but unfortunately, 20 stations over and there were no 2 rest stations as promised. what the hell la kan. berlambak2 soalan yg i tinggal dulu, and i even left 1 whole question because there was nothing on the station (usually they'll put drugs/instruments/x-ray and ask questions regarding the subject) but there was question on the question paper (i seriously thought it was rest station hais)

so when we finished OSCE, i felt bad about the whole OSCE thing. borak2 discuss dgn my friends, and suddenly a friend ask 'eh soalan yg tnya pasal psychiatry drugs tu kau jawab ape?' and i was like 'what? which question? ade ke?' rupenye that's the question that i left. and the moment i got to know that i left 1 whole question in that station, i cried like crazy. time tu dah tak kesah siapa tengok i. eyeliner smudge ape semua. persetankan. yang i tau, i depress gile. i nangis till pening2. lame gak la i nangis and then my housemate pujuk i pegi lunch.

during lunch pun i didnt even finish my meal, and i cried all of sudden. went back home, i called dad and tell him what happened, still crying, talked to mom and she got annoyed already with me and my endless crying, she said something like this ''kakak, if your friends pass this exam and you don't, then u are the one to blame, not the uni'' hahahaha that, is like pouring fuel to fire lah kan. i cried even harder, i told mom ''u don't understand, i don't wanna talk to u'' hahahahaha emo much kannnnn. my mom replied ''okay jgn ckp dgn mak, mak pun mmg marah dengar kakak asik nangis je'' LOLLL. askar sgt tau mak aku ni.

that didn't make anything better. i cried even harder, feeling even more depress that i can't recall being in that state of depression ever before. for a second, i even had a suicidal thought. hahahahaha. i dunno how to say it right, this exam is so important yet so many things gone wrong and it was so out of hand and yeah, at that point, i didn't think i can make it. i depress gila babi. from that time onwards, i shut myself alone in my room, didn't go out at all, didn't even have my dinner till the next day. depress gila wehhhh. dahla tak jawab 1 big question, soalan lain plak byk tinggal sebab we were promised to have 2 rest stations. eee time tu memang rasa marah gila gila gila babi.

but life goes on. no matter how much i look like i give up on this, i didn't. si mata bengkak ni still stayed up all night to study for my final practical exam, the long case and short cases. i'm actually quite impressed with my determination. with me being dragged down to the lowest thinking that i already failed my OSCE due to stupid instruction given by...hm.., i carried on being a nerd and still trying and hoping i can score my very best on my long/short cases.

alhamdulillah, it paid-off. before my last battle, i prayed to Allah to ease my way and give me a case that i can handle well, alhamdulillah sangat, i got an obstetric case, anemia in pregnancy with decreased fetal movement as my long case. honestly, i didn't study much of obstetric for practical as i was aiming for surgery or medicine case, but alhamdulillah, i managed to handle the case well. well enough to pass my long case. my prayer was answered right on the dot. praise to Allah. i really was lucky to get a fairly easy case to present to my obgyn consultants. the short cases was fine :)

exam was over, but truth to be told, i wasn't really that confident with myself. such a torturing moment having to wait for the results, not knowing whether you pass or fail. i really wish i could just fast forward that moment. it was driving me insane.

the night before the official result was released, i was told by a friend that he already know the unofficial result, and he told me that i passed! whatttt!

i told my housemates and we were hugging each other and screaming like mad and then hug each other again and everyone was like ''btul ke btul ke??'' and i was like ''yesss betul, we passed!!" and then continue screaming again, such a joyous moment. though the result wasn't official i didn't know why i was so confident to tell my housemates and to even called my parents at late hours to inform them about me passing medical school! hahahaha.

tak dramatic sangat la bagitau the parents about my result tgh2 malam buta. masing2 tgh mamai and all dad could say was 'yeke? alhamdulillah, tahniah' hahaha and that's it. he continued sleeping and i doubt he remember the conversation i had with him that time. perhaps it felt just like they're dreaming je kot time tu. hahahah

so yeah, here i am now, officially done with my miserable life as medical student. omg. i really can't believe i made it through. such a long journey, worth a thousand tears and hardwork and pain and all the ups and downs. such a crazy mind-blowing journey. that's a total of 7 years worth of journey of becoming a doctor.

from the moment i got an offer letter from MARA right till i pass my final MBBS professional exam, that is freaking 7 years. i made it through. i'm a doctor now. alhamdulillah Ya Allah, you're the best planner of all.

that's how messy my room can get when i'm in the middle of exam week

India, I'm gonna leave you soon :D

I am definitely happy about leaving India, hellooo, 5 years abroad (and especially in India) is definitely not easy. not easy at all! but can't deny that small part of me is telling me that 'babe, u're so gonna miss india'.

i intend to write about my ups and downs in india, but they're like really a lot, i dunno where to start. it needs probably 10 chapters for me to finish writing about my experience in india. it's really something. i won't say it's the kind of experience that everyone wants to have, because living in india is definitely not the same like living in UK or US or whatever developed countries (u name it!) but the experience i have is really something to be remembered, to be cherished, forever.

I just finished my final exam by the way. the result is yet to be announced so yeah, i'm just hoping for the very best for me and my friends. i can't and i don't want to stay any longer here in india. and speaking about my final exam, that is the most depressing time of my life, ever, and for a second, i even had a suicidal thought because it was too depressing i felt like jumping off the building. hahaha. i am so gonna write about it okay! 

here, i learnt a lot about life. basically about living in hardship (yesssssssssssssss!!! india taught me well), patience, love (hahahah bollywood sangat tau i found my love in india :P), friendship (this probably require 1 big chapter hahahah), people (gosh you don't wanna know what i learnt haha) and a lotttt more. and it tested me well enough that i was far far far away from the people i love, my support system. sometimes it feels like i live on my own two feet, in a faraway land. it's not easy, trust me.

and india is unique in its own way. not the way you want it to be, obviously. it tested my patience beyond the level that i can handle. imagine having to face your final exam with frequent black-outs (yes, and there's nothing you can do about it other than, ermmm, bersabar), and not only that, u'll get some background ''music'' of tempe (tempe is local indian, i dunno about the origin of the word tempe, we happened to use it regularly) bergendang bersiul menari2 bagai nak rak when u're trying to focus on what u're reading to sit for ur exam, lol. and having to see a group of tempe mogok depan hospital sebab they didn't wanna pay the hospital bill just because the patient died, and the funny part is, diorang mogok sambil bergendang. ewah, kaya pulak kau nak hire orang bergendang2 utk mogok, tapi tak nak bayar hospital bill. wakakak.

and the fact that the indians love to strike and we get free holidays for that. hahaha. imagine lah, the pelakon died and the tempe pegi strike ramai2 so we didnt have to go to class woohoooo dalam hati i, ni kalau shah rukh khan yg mati, mau aku dapat cuti sebulan. lol.

and the indian traffic. omagash. it's crazy and i can't believe i actually mastered the art of driving a manual car in this awesome indian traffic. hahahahaha. i normally drive automatic car back in malaysia and the moment i decided to buy a car here in india i memang main redah je nak drive manual sebab i really memang tak terer drive manual but it turned out to be awesome wahahaha. and guess what, we survived 3 years of owning a car without having an insurance, ever. lollll. dahla takde insurance, siap boleh drive sampai ke tamil nadu. that is just crazy.

haih la terlampau banyak memories here in india. the good one, the bitter one, the depressing one hahahaha. i think i will just sit and reminisce my time in india. probably in my flight back home this 13th october hihiks i can't wait!!!!! i can't wait to leave this country for good but i know i will miss this country, u served me 'well', 'well' enough that u'll stay in my memory forever. ahahahaks.

and i'm looking forward for my convocation because guess what, my boyfriend will be joining the same convocation too! hikhik it was never in my dream, to grad with my own sweetheart, never was in my list and suddenly this comes along :D so really happy i should probably start searching for my baju convo ewahhhh.

being here, it's a blessing in disguise. even my mom said so. my mom cakap she's so grateful that i get to study in India instead of UK/US/Aussie, ayat mak i camni k "aunty happy dia ni pegi India, kalau pegi UK ke memane tu entah la jadi camne, confirm kalah semua mat salleh'' hahhahaa and by that, she was referring to my errr, i dunno, my way of dressing up and maybe my social life. and being here, duit kitorang banyakkkk. hahahaha unlike those studying in other developed countries, selalu dengar cerita mereka2 ni broke. well, ramai je students dkt sini broke but that's because they don't manage their money well, bukan sebab tak cukup duit scholar. what we got is moreeee than enough.

after leaving this county, i hope to leave behind alllll the bad stories, to forget those who don't regard me as friend (or better, to befriend and start over? (: ), to leave behind all the terasa sentap sensitive moment (hahahah i admit i manusia biasa no matter how hard i tried to remain cool sometimes i can't help to feel offended too), i want to forget those people i hate and the reason why i hate 'em because hating ppl, it makes me feel ugly from the inside.

i want to bring back all the good memories :) and insyaAllah, whenever i stop by and look back, i want to remember all of this with a smile on my face :)) to those who did me wrong, thank you for making me stronger than yesterday, there's always reason why we bumped into each other's life and make each other's life miserable hahahah kan?

i'm leaving in 5 days wooohoooo!! so India, thank you, thank you for all the hardship and pain u caused me, for all the lesson i learnt the hard way, for all the bittersweet memories, you'll be missed, definitely :) 

love.

I’m not saying that at some point love isn’t staying up until 2am phone calls or stealing kisses when you least expect it, or instantly falling for each other’s favorite songs because it is, or at least that’s what the lead up to it feels like, but real love, is so much more. It’s going out at 12am to get something to eat for your wife who can’t get out of bed, it’s listening to them as they explode with vulnerability on your living room couch talking about how they were only so young when their parents passed on. it’s remembering how someone likes their coffee in the morning without asking—without ever asking, it’s visiting someone in the hospital knowing the last thing you want to do is see them in that condition, it’s wanting to be with that person despite despite everything, the future, the past, and everything in between, it’s the intimate things that you don’t even realize involve such intimacy, but they do, in secret, like the pinky promises you two made behind your back, to love one another for always, in the time you thought you were in love, when you were actually just on your way to it.

mak paling garang

hi girls!

soooo, i was studying (yes i did :P) hematology, reading something about petechiae and all, and then i end up belek-ing my own pin-point sized petechiae on my upper limbs. ohh wait, i know i'm using jargon now hahaha so let me tell ya what petechiae is.

petechiae is red dots underneath the skin, it could be a symptom for an underlying disease. macam if u gune pen merah pastu conteng dots on ur skin, yeah, something like that, except that u know it doesn't come from the pen ink!

sooo, the petechiae on my skin has been there for forever. i really can't tell when it started to appear, i've worried once or twice bout it but i never really look up about it since it's not painful, nor it is clearly visible, so yeah, i neglected it. it's better to worry about my acne than my pin-point petechiae kan kan. pin-point je pon helloooo. apa ada hal.

but i was in the mood of studying and so i looked up about petechiae in my books and i googled bout it. i googled 'pin-point petechiae on my upper limb'. no kidding man, i'm not the only one. and reading the responses and whatnot on the net freaks me out. freaks the hell out of me. i ni dahla memang hypochondriac, i have this syndrome when i read bout diseases and then i recall i have some of the symptoms, mule la menggelabah thinking that i have that disease!

so, i read and read and read and i freak out more and more. and then i remember the fact that i bruise easily. yes seriously even my boyfriend agreed, i selalu la tetibe ade lebam tktau pasal ape. lagila i menggelupur cuak. so i just texted my mom ni ha, asking her if we have family history of any blood disorder other than thalassemia (oh yes, my siblings are all thalassemia trait positive except me and sarah :/) and i had to wake my bf up in the middle of the night to tell him all about this. i can't wait until tomorrow morning sebab i tengah cuak niiiii. i baca the differential diagnosis - low platelet count (okay that doesn't sound so bad), autoimmune disease (what?), lupus (what the hell????) and leukemia (okkkk seriously go to hellllll i takutttt dah)

my sane mind and sedikit sebanyak ilmu medicine i (ewah) mcm convinced myself la takkan la leukemia kot, i'm healthy as for now, if i have that big of an illness i don't think i can still live healthily skarang. but anyway, i have to look up for the causes of why i have these small2 petechiae on my upper limb and why do i bruise easily. esok, i nak pergi attack Dr. Spurgeon i, since i memang follow dia ward round pagi2.

anyway, this kinda remind me of my mom la sebenarnya. everytime i have doubts thinking that i have major disease inside my body, the first person i will consult n tanya everything is my mom since she has medical background also.

tapi mak i ni dia bukan jenis macam mak2 orang lain. kalau anak ngadu demam, mak orang lain mesti macam "omg anak mak demam??? anak mak ok tak niiii????" mak lagi menggelabah dari anak yang demam. my mom? memang tak la ok. my mom kalau i cakap i demam panas berhari2 pun die lek je ckp 'ha mkn la ubat, rehat cukup2, nnt baik la tu' hahahaha. rasa kurang kasih sayang pun ada tau.

when i was in KMS, on this one fine day, i suddenly felt lump in my breast. dalam kepala otak i, could it be...that i have breast cancer???? i called up my mom, cerita macam drama habis, i told her i want to go back right away and have it checked right away sebab i takut sangat2 dah ni. u know what my mom said?

"kakak tkyah balik, tkde ape tu"

dia boleh cakap tkde ape?????? i macam okkkk, bengang tau. i rase macam, mak i ni tak sayang i tau. anak dia suspect breast cancer dia bole buat taktau. i sedih mak i tak kasi balik, tak suro i pegi check pun. kalau i betul ade cancer camne, nanti dh end stage camne, nanti too late for treatment camne, nanti i mati camne? mak i tak fikir ke semua tu? sedih gila ok.

tapi i degil, i went back jugak. i went to the clinic with my dad sebab my mom malas nak layan. she repeatedly cakap "tkde pape tu, mak tau la tkde pape, mak kan doctor". i cam stress, takkan tkde pape kot. mak aku ni tak sayang aku, confirm.

went to see the doctor, she confirmed it. memang takde pape pun wahahahahahaha. breast cancer wak lu i was only 18 or 19 time tu (though it's not impossible for an 18-yr-old girl to hv one, it's actually very unlikely) and yeah, it's really nothing. she said i can either have it removed by surgery or let it be. i dengar surgery time tu, sumpah i nangis depan doctor tu. drama queen since forever :/

so i went back home, my mom dah sengih2 cakap "kan mak dah ckp tkde pape, tkde breast cancer nye, takmo dengar cakap mak, orang kate tkyah balik dulu sebab nanti2 boleh check, kakak degil, nak jgk balik, ha ikut kau la'' pastu gelak gelak gelak. lol

wakakakakakkaa. yelahhhh, anak mak ni time tu mane blaja medic lagi, mane la nk tau breast cancer ke apa. dia leh slambe je takmo layan anak tgh menggelupur thinking that she has breast cancer.

tu lah i cakap. my mom ni one of a kind, i rase dia tak sepatutnye jadi surirumah or doctor, dia patut masuk army ke apa, coz the way she brought us up, pedepergghhhhh, hidup i ni macam kene pantau ngan askar. sumpah. dahla garang gila. garang gila gila gila gila i know nobody will believe me sebab muka mak i muka ibu paling lembut skali. tapi pleaselah, she's the garang-est mom i ever know.

but because of her way of bringing us up ni lah, i think kitorang ni tkde la end up jadi anak manja yg gedik sangat tu. setakat boleh gedik dengan my dad jek. nak gedik dengan my mom? dalam mimpi je lah ok.

tapi when i sakit yang bebetul sakit, she really take care of me lah. one of my fav moment masa i had appendicectomy. i was warded for about a week (i think so, dah lama), she took care of me at the hospital, bawak i pegi toilet semua, layan i muntah2 semua hihiks. time tu i can gedik lol. okay dah rindu my mom dah. hiks. terus hilang semua risau petechiae :P

so that's all i guess. i nak bersahur ni! hihiks. daaa.

something to ponder :)

assalamualaikum and hello girls!!

so i just feel like sharing something. something i THINK, would make you stop and wonder how lucky we are to be born normal and cukup sifat :D

i have a baby brother, my one and only brother, whom i really really really love dunia akhirat insyaallah (since he's the only one brother i have) but that doesn't make me love my sisters any less la just because i have a total of 4 sisters hahaha :P nah, i love 'em all equally hihiks.

okay back to the thing that i wanna share. my baby brother, he's not like all of us. he's a special kid. special kid as in, dia ada kekurangan sikit tak macam normal people. and don't get me wrong, i don't share this to downgrade him or whatsoever (and don't you dare downgrading him too, u're messing with me if you do) so yeah, he has this inferiority complex and all because of his kekurangan.

one day i was in the car with my dad, and he asked me a simple question. he answered it himself as i couldn't come out with the kind of answer that he wants. he asked me;

"cube bagitau abah ape kelebihan orang2 macam Amir(my baby brother)?"

i macam "aaaaaaa *thinking* ade kelebihan, sat naa pikir sat, aaaaa..."

ek eleh lame sangat pikir nak jawab soklan kacang camtu kan, so he answered his own question.

"orang macam Amir tu, sebab dia tau dia ada kekurangan dia, dia tak kacau orang, dia tak reti dengki, dia tak reti sombong, tak reti perlekeh orang, tak reti tipu orang macam kite manusia normal ni biase buat, so dekat situ, banyak dosa dah dia dapat elak, tu kelebihan orang2 macam Amir"

Ya Allah, i tak terfikir langsung, boleh tak?

i rase what my dad just said was soooo deep and meaningful, don't you think?

it's so true. because we all are perfect, we tend to be arrogant thinking that we are greater than other people, and then we look down on others, downgrade other people, go extra miles doing things we shouldn't do out of hatred or jealousy. tapi orang2 macam Amir, diorang akan ke buat macam tu? very unlikely.

he won't do such things. he won't even attempt to do such things because he doesn't have that feeling of arrogance or feeling like he's better than other people. tak pernah i terfikir kelebihan yang Allah bagi dekat dia tu. kite manusia yang sempurna ni banyak kumpul dosa dekat situ, tapi my baby brother, insyaAllah, dia banyak dapat mengelak kumpul dosa-dosa kering macam tu. blessing in disguise i would say.

isn't it wonderful? Allah bagi kekurangan dekat seseorang, tapi without most people realizing it, orang tu tetap ada kelebihan dia tersendiri.

to me, it's really something to ponder upon :)

selamat berpuasa and selamat beramal!

afraid that i'm not afraid

if you're expecting me to post up an entry to wish all of you Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan Al-Mubarak, sorry i have to turn you down. that is a little bit too cliche, bila puasa semua orang pun nak post entry macam tu, me? malas lah. i mesti lah nak lain dari lain.

lol. tak boleh nak cliche la kan kononnye. lempang sikit. hihiks. yelah yelah, i nak ucapkan Selamat Menyambut Bulan Puasa la ni kat all of you. ikhlas dari hati i, let's utilize this month of blessing to get closer to our Creator. hiks. actually rather than reminding all of you, sebenarnya i'm reminding myself jugak, i'm far left behind, have a lot to catch up. so, disebabkan i know i'm far left behind hiks, i segan la nk igt2kan orang sangat, baik lah i ingatkan diri sendiri ye dak.

so anyway, i'm actually worried!!!! my final professional MBBS examination is just in 2 months time and i've yet to start reading, like, really start reading. hua nangis sekarang! dah penat nangis smpai pening, lepas tu boleh tido. maka, boleh hilangkan kerisauan. maka, memang aku takkan start belajar.

time SPM dulu, sumpah wei, bulan 7 aku dah start menggelupur. time tu tak reti takut hantu, stay up la smpai tgh malam, bangun la pagi buta study sengsorang dekat study room. menggelupur sebab janji dengan Nadia Ismail si kawan baik seblah meja "kalau kita tak dapat 10A1, kita kena terjun bangunan, janji" pui. keluar result, memasing senyap lupa janji. takpe takpe, sebab time aku SPM, kitorang first batch yg kena exam EST, time tu EST punye format macam puipui (nak type mende lain, tapi sebab bulan puasa, nak type pppp..jadi puipui je lah) jadi tak dpt 10A1 dimaafkan jek lah ok.

itu SPM. time tu nak SPM adalah perkara hidup dan mati. kau makan SPM, minum SPM, tido SPM, main SPM, dating SPM, kutuk warden pun SPM (eh?) i don't know about others la kan, but when i was in form 5, i tak nerd (jauh sekaliiii pls stop imagining an image of me being a nerdy girl, tak pernah seumur hidup, pui) tapiiii, disebabkan semua orang pun pandai rajin n kalau tak rajin pun still diorang mcm pandai nk mati, contohnye lagi sorang si kawan baik Nur Farhanah, keje bangun tido, pegi kelas, cikgu masuk, sambung tido, kelas habis, balik dorm, sambung tido, bila keluar result, pui, ini bukan result budak kuat tido. memang sakit hati ok.

so yes, i was rajin. memang bukan tahap rajin gila tapi rajin la dari sekarang. padahal kalau nak compare buku aku kena bace time SPM dengan buku yang aku kena bace utk my professional exam, ade la dalam 10 kali ganda? NO KIDDING. tapi sekarang dah tinggal 2 bulan, aku start pun belum. how now brown cow?

thing is, this is me. no competition, means no working for it maa. dulu when i was in boarding school, duduk dorm, satu dorm 16 orang. kalau kau tengok separuh dorm study tapi kau tgh melepak, tak sesak nafas time tu jugak ke? in the end, u'll end up studying so that u won't be left behind.

sekarang, duduk bilik sorang. wah, mementang ada duit lebih, demand duduk bilik sorang. duduk dalam dunia sendiri. hari2 youtube, movies2k, malaymoviesfull. lepas tu skype, whatsapp, calling2 pulak lagi. banyak masa i. dah habis bersosial, pap, tido. orang lain study ke tak ke, aku ape tau.

bukan tak risau, risau okay. but then i need to stop my ass from worrying and really start studying omagashh!!!! kalau dulu SPM tu perkara hidup dan mati, ni aku nk jadi doctor, bukankah tu perkara hidup dan mati aku dan jugak my future patients?

so zahirah tarmizi, this is monologue dalaman la sebenarnya, my very own worrying about my very own self. ya rabbi, tolong lah, esok kau settle pasal saree habis2 (eh, sempat), balik rumah please lah, please lah, please lah, study.

maybe i need to remind myself about what my mum has been telling me all this while.

"study lah sementara masih muda, sementara otak masih active, sementara masih ade tenaga"

ha, motivated tak? saye motivated sudah!! tapi sekarang sudah 2.30 in the morning hiks. esok kite study stade ok! good nite peeps.

Abg Kaka'

hello girlies!

so recently, P went to help a medical officer doctor organizing a motivational camp for the exam-going students (PMR and SPM candidates) surprise surprise!! :P i was surprised too when he told me this, but then again, it's a good exposure for him as well. daripada dulu student nakal2, sekarang tolong buat motivation camp you!! :P bole la jugak die bagi talk kan "abang dulu nakal jugak macam kamu semua, tapi tengok abg skarang, dah nak jadi doctor dah" wahahahha. okay that didn't happen. that was just my imagination okayy!! lol. he went there not to give out talk, he was just there to help out, as abg faci.

so anyway, remember time sekolah2 dulu whenever ade motivational camp and some abg2 and kakak2 faci from outside datang to give talk, girls will go drooling over abg faci yang handsome, remember? honestly, i don't. i don't remember having any crush on any abg faci coz honestly, most of my motivational camp semua includes kakak2 faci jek, yang tudung2 labuh tu, kenape takde abg faci hot datang bagi motivasi dekat sekolah i???? patutlah i tak motivated. hahahaha.

so anyways, i kinda expected this already. mmg la si boyfriend i ni jadi hot stuff dekat sekolah yang die pegi buat motivasi tu. dia cerita kat i mcm ni.

"mase the MO tanye the students 'okay, kamu nk kenal dengan kakak atau abg faci yang mane satu??' lepas tu bebudak ni ramai2 cakap 'abg kaka'!!!' "

ok, sape lagi abg kaka' kat situ? P lahhh!! amboih, hot stuff you yangggg. tapi dia ni mcm betul je orang panggil dia 'abg kaka', tah2 syok sendiri jek.

and then he got back from the motivational camp, guess what? the kids added him on facebook and when he approved the friend request, they were like "abg kaka yang hensem, tq approve", "yeay abg kaka dah approve, saye dari kumpulan atok comel'' erm okay, okay, i believe him now.

hahahahah dari dulu orang dok cakap his face resemble this football player, Kaka, but i refused to agree, tapi lepas dah bebudak ni semua panggil dia abg kaka, i pun bermuhasabah la kejap tengok gmbar dia lepas tu tengok gmbar kaka, tengok gmbar dia, tengok gmbar kaka, ok fineeee! ade la rupe sikittt!! sikit je pun!! hahahahaha

the real Kaka

Kaka' celup with his awesome girlfriend hihiks

not just Kaka, ade orang kate he resemble our national astronaut Dr Sheikh Muszaffar la, Mr Bean la, and Russell Brand!!! ni lagi satu, orang asik dok cakap he looks like Russell Brand. ei abis i muke macam sape? asal boyfriend i je yang resemble all the celebrities ni? nyampah tauuu! ahahah

Kaka in action

my Abg Kaka in action

Tapi, the real Kaka takde buat muke retard like this kan?

Yeah, that's him omg. so la menghampakan okay kalau camwhore dengan dia ni, asik la nak buat muka retard dia sampai i nak sweet2 pun tak jadi. harapan je lah nak sweet2 dgn dia nih ahahaha. i didn't expect for him to give that pose in the 2nd pic, that's why la if u see my hidung dah kembang kempis nak tergelak tengok dia buat pose 'omg ade taik hidung' -___-" sabar je lahhh!

so anyway, i think he did a great job as abg faci aka abg kaka yang hot dekat sekolah tu hihi. proud of you okay! nooo, i'm not jealous, hahahah nasib la i'm one awesome girlfriend yang tak jealous the bf ramai peminat. abg kaka pun abg kaka lah. janji abg kaka syg i :P

till then, daaa.