friend or foe, which one are u?

everything seems to be twisted. those u think are friends, sometimes are your worst nightmare. i marah k orang mcm ni!! it's so true that u can't really trust anyone in this life! i dun trust people that easily but when i am starting to have faith in some people i thought i can trust, they simply let me down and then act as if they're innocent, as if nothing they've done nothing wrong, as if everything is alright!



nothing is alright when u betray ur friend. i can't believe some people can still live so happily without feeling guilty at all! a human being will at least apologize! does it hurt ur ego if u say sorry? huhhh! well i dun care anymore, at least i now know the real u. not really the kind of person i wud fancy to befriend with.


some people question, who is more important, bestfriend or boyfriend? what the heck! to me, there's really no answer to that question! both are equally important to me! boyfriend is boyfriend la, someone u hope to spend ur whole life with. bestfriend is still bestfriend, kau dah kawin ke, dah anak 10 ke, dah jadi janda ke, still bestfriend! so, can u really come out with an answer to that stupid question?and i'm so fucking pissed with those who share anything and everything with the boyfriend including the privacy of the bestfriend!(and vice versa) u don't call urself a bestfriend if u can't protect ur friend's privacy!

and i bloody hate two-faced people. damn these kinda ppl are everywhere. i see them everywhere kotttt! they'll talk shit about samad to ali, and talk shit about ali to samad. wtf? kalau kau terasa, yes buddy i'm talking about u and tell u what, u think others dunno what u're doing but sorry to tell u, they clearly know who u really are. ohhh do u really have fun doing that huh? i know, ur life is too dull too boring that being a two-faced person brings that much joy and happiness to u! pathetic gile kau %@^$* (u know who u are, kan?:) )


friends yg btul2 sincere boleh tahan susah la nak cari. those who will stay with u through ur high and low are indeed people u should appreciate all ur life. if i can't leave this world as someone remarkable to the society, i want to be remembered as a good friend, and i'll be happier than ever.

p/s : leaving behind ur friends/besties for ur gf/bf isn't the right thing to do.

those people at home~

Aisyah dearest,
good luck in ur upcoming exam!
walaupun i'm truly aware about ur kemalasan tahap moksya before this,
but i believe u know what's best for u now kan?
abah selalu risau sbb aisyah lagi malas dari akak,
mak dh run out of ideas nk buat aisyah rajin :p
hahahaha but i believe in u,
u are brilliant so don't waste it k darling!
jgn la malas sgt cam dulu, pukul kangggg! gggrrrrr!
ini nasihat dari kakak yg prihatin cewahhhh!

dunno why, this pic buat i tergelak kot.
perangai tak matang adik2 sendiri.
hahahah

back!

i knowwwww! it's been a week or so that i left my blog unattended! my internet connection fails me, but now im back online :) :) :) just a week and now im busy blogmunching! gotta be alert of what's happening around me and what's happening back in home sweet home!oh by the way by the way by the wayyyyyyyy~~

u know what is impossible in this life?

it's impossible to satisfy everyone. u may need to hurt someone, or at least urself. it's almost impossible to be fair. who says life is fair? life itself is never fair to mankind. and that's why i hate decision making. i hate the fact that i have to hurt someone, especially those who are dear to my heart, and if i don't, i'll end up getting hurt.

being indecisive is just so childish! and i can't help getting stucked in that kinda situation, again and again. it'll never go away. and i'm sinking, slowly. i wish i will finally disappear, fast!!

someone will certainly get hurt, either u or me or anyone else. yes someone will. i don't have the answer now, but it's already written, somewhere in the book of fate. so there's really no one to blame, oh i hope so.

ouuhhhh ira wake uppp! fine! enough of me writing stuffs u won't understand, which does nothing but to leave u ponder and rise up with some silly assumptions. there goes. people love to assume! who doesn't anywayyy??

what's there to share eh? a lot i tell ya. but getting too personal in this blogging arena is not my kind of thing. u really dunno who's reading what so yeah, better watch out for the things u write. and please dear bloggers, if u wanna blog, blog ethically la wei! it's a shame when u bitch around people who have done nothing bad to u. some adults just dont deserved to be called one. grow up people!

by the way, i'm off to Goa this weekend. beautiful beaches here i come! better be good, Goa coz i'll be burning my ass sitting in the car for 14 hours just to get to u. i love sandy beaches i love i love i love! hope to come back with some awesome pictures to share with u people! but i really lost that camwhoring trait in me! hahaha zaman kegemilangan camwhoring sudah berlalu! it was years ago when i was a real camera bitch! 22 already rite..kalau still camwhore cam haram orang nyampah kottt??? unless u got the look, stunning pose, and proffesional SLR camera(whatever u call it u know im suck at this gadget stuffs), people wont get bored looking at ur photos. oh im lacking of the last one, others are perfect though. ahhahahaaha whatever.

examination results are out. hahahaha. what am i expecting? getting a distinction for those subjects i studied in one night? or half a day for pharmacology and forensic? yeah since pharmacology was the last paper, i was already exhausted studying for the other subjects. u know, last minute revision is freaking exhausting. lesson learnt. cececey. everyone is aware about that kot, i myself is aware but still doing it repeatedly. dush dush.

my brain is so corrupted. not that i just realized. but yeah, it is so much corrupted that i find it hard for me to absorb and digest educational things. how do i reformat my brain? anyone?? it's like, anything and everything, is being filled up into that brain of mine. all the unnecessary things. i do waste a lot of energy thinking about unnecessary things. my mom always tell me that i am too exposed to some other things. she said i'm too busy fulfilling my life as a youngster, and too busy corrupting my own brain. how corrupted is my brain? please please leave some space for some educational stuffs because dear brain, i have another 4 years to fill u up with medical craps(fine, shouldn't be calling it craps hahaha). and if ever i'm able to further my study later in the future, i need some more space for that. dear brain, i believe u have ur own mechanism to drain out some unnnecessary thoughts and whatnots from there right? hey brain, dont let me down this time.

20 years ago, i was sure free from any corruption right? growing up is fun, but u can go astray so easily. i need to get a grip. a strong one.

enough of blabbering.

own happiness vs the loved one's happiness

which one is more important?

each and everyone of us has the right for our own happiness right? but when ur happiness takes away someone else's happiness, what would u do? would u put urself first? or would u put urself down for someone else?

what would u do?

the best 'i love u'

i have lots of fantasies and dreams. some are ridiculous. some will never come true. but i still dream anyway. sometimes i wish i can switch my life from one movie to another. everything in the movie is so beautiful. kannn?

i watched this japanese series twice - taiyou no uta - and i still love it so much! and here's the best best best part of the series. the part when the guy confessed that he loves the girl so much.



to those who never watch this series, here's a quick review about the story. it's a story about this girl named Kaoru who suffers from XP(xeroderma pigmentosum). her body has no defence against the UV rays so she can't be exposed to direct sunlight or she'll have more and more complication and will finally die.

in this favourite part of mine, she just discovered about the onset of paralysis in her left hand due to some deterioration in her brain (because of UV rays obviously) the paralysis means she can no longer play her guitar which is her ultimate passion. so as u can see in the video, she's starting to lose hope. she doesn't care about getting exposed to the sunrise anymore.

and that guy Kouji found her. and he said he loves this girl in the most touching way kottt? with the fact that the girl has not much time left to live, he still love that girl, so cam touching laa!(to me laa) i so love! plus that guy simply wears baggy shorts and tshirt and he plays guitar in the most macho way, totally love! gotta watch the whole series only then u can comment!

oh in real life, would u still stay with someone who has incurable disease and has not much time to spare? would u still be there and tell her everything is gonna be okay? would u do that with all ur heart? would u?

things are so much different in real life isn't it? and that's why i keep dreaming and live my life in fantasy sometimes. because fantasy and dreams have so much beautiful things to offer. real life can be really harsh at times.

watch this series, u'll love it! it's good to kill time by watching series, especially now that i'm not feeling very well :(

mahu lautan terbentang luas

the sky is so full of stars.

a guy once taught me how calm u can get when u look at the dark sky. everything that makes u feel uneasy just fade away. yes it works. but to me, i still prefer the ocean. hearing the sound of the wave, and looking at the ocean without borders, it does wonders to me.

things don't usually go ur way. u wasted much of ur time planning things only to upset u later. it happens all the time.

life has it and u just can't escape. running away is always the first thing that will cross my mind but it'll be the last thing i will do. the last damn thing. face it, and u'll become a better person. run away from it, u'll be a real loser.

mistakes. don't talk about it. we all make mistakes. big or small, everyone does it. and some people make mistakes because they're just plain dumb and stupid. yes, some of them.

i don't feel a thing.

NUMB.

(tak payah comment apa2)

i have a life whooaaa~

what are the qualities u need to become a good medical student? straight A's? interest? passion? bijak? nope. because the most important thing is, HARD WORK! and more and more hardworking!

and i'm out.

because hardworking is so not me. i would say that i have the interest in this medical thingy, but interest alone is not sufficient. because being a medical student, u need to know anything and everything under the sun! i wish i can just ditch the most hated subjects (yes, note the plural) and just go on with the interesting ones (the clinical subjects) because i'm not in the favour to comprehend and especially to memorize every single drug reaction la, any biochemical reaction la, whatever antigen-antibody reaction la, how each and every bacteria looks like, especially the histology part of anything and everything ( yes anything that involves microscope drives me crazy) etc etc.

u see, tersangat terlampau banyak nk mati. dah study pastu mati, then hidup balik pstu study lagi pon takkan habis. to comprehend is already a trouble, let alone to memorize everything. and mind u, there's no such thing as open book test in medicine. no such thing, ever.

i can't afford to dedicate my life to just books and only books. semua last minute. bile nk exam baru pulun separuh mati bilik pun tunggang langgang, mandi tak basah tido tak lena makan tak kenyang. hahah hyperbola la sket kan. study last minute has never been this exhausting. study last minute in SPM ke IB ke sumpah tak sepenat pulun last minute for this.

i will not recommend medicine to my sisters. nope. i still trust my laziness but i dont trust kemalasan my sisters yg melampau2 hahahaha (sorry guys) tak! the point is, i don't want them to go thru this hard time, just like what i'm going through now.

but orang rajin gile yang bukak buku hari2, time aku study die study, time aku tido die study, time aku mkn die study time aku relax die study time orang holiday pon die study still wujud walaupun makin pupus. ni memang hati jiwa raga dah habis diserahkan just for medic. gile. tapi syabas ar. u guys make a good medical students. i just can't. serious belum sanggup lagi. biarlah kehidupan aku normal and bahagia dan juga gembira bersama orang2 tersayang i'm not ready to just live with the books. i have so much things to do in life besides this.

and i don't want to regret later. regret for not enjoying zaman muda2 to the fullest. well, tu pendapat masing2 kan. this is what i think. if orang kata jadi medical student takde life, aku kata aku still ade life. hahahah sekian. esok paper forensic.

p/s : sumpah penat bergelumang dengan buku2 microbiology dari smalam. ye, saya start from scratch smalam and exam plak ptg tadi!

pathologyku sayang

soalan pathology terbaek ah.
siot.
soalan yg aku blaja cam nk gile die tak tanye plak.
okay stress.
esok microb lagi stress.
weh sumpah, ape nak jadi jadi la.
hati kering.
rase nk quit medic lepas tu jadi penyanyi.
yeay.
jadi penyanyi tak payah bace bukuuuuuuuuu! itu saya sukaaaa!
sape agreeeee?????

p/s : medic is kind to patients, not to students! aahhhhhh im going crazyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pnah tak rasa life korang mcm dalam movie?
macam dramatic gila kalau main kat dalam cinema confirm audience bakar cinema tu.
pnah tak rasa?

so u think u can survive?

i used to think that anyone with brain and high education background will lead the rest of the world population. u know, i was really wrong. it's not ur IQ or so called high education background that will determine ur position in this challenging world, it requires something more than that.

most of the time, we overlook at some things. we thought that those who did totally bad in their examination are dumb and stupid. totally wrong. they may not be good in academic, but as long as they know what their passion is, and in which areas they're good at, they'll survive better than those who scored straight A1 in every single examination. and those who simply score A1 in every examination and 4 flat in every semester without knowing what they really wanna do in life are worse.

the reason i'm writing this is to remind u brilliant people, dont simply belittle others who don't shine as bright as u in their academic. u might encounter these people that u think are dumb and stupid during ur way down, perhaps during their way up!

having a good education background is surely everyone's dream but some people just don't need a piece of certificate to survive life. and i believe, if a person can't perform well in academic though he's been trying so hard, that means God has planned something more than that for him. and those with damn good brain and extremely high education background, u've got nothing to boast because those things will be taken back, anytime, if He wants to.

p/s : kalau kita ada benda yg sgt berharga, jaga elok2 kalau tak Allah akan amek balik. serious weh.

self study at home is nonsense.

exactly. how can u concentrate on ur study when u have lots of things to watch on the television? when u keep having plans with ur friends? when u can't resist to shop and shop and shop till u drop? when ur mom constantly cook ur favourite dishes and u end up feeling sleepy afterwards? when the environment is too comfy to study?

get real, i was in boarding school since 16, and home is no longer a place to study for me. i never study at home eversince. and my attempt this time, failed, as expected. blergh.

i don't know what to do. exam is approaching, damn near. but i just have too much to read, to comprehend and to memorize. and if i don't perform well in my first IA, i swear i will do my best in the 2nd and 3rd IA. (duh, everyone says that hahah)

siapa suruh buat exam lepas holidayyyy????!!!!!!!!! tahi kambing betul! !$!$%^*^&(^%$@$!# sememangnya saya bengang. holiday is supposed to be a holiday. a pure pure pure holiday without me having to think about heavy stuffs like this. tlg la paham we only have a total of 6 weeks holiday in a year, and why do u have to make this holiday of ours yg sgt precious ni as STUDY LEAVE? ergh. don't blame me if i don't perform well, well at least, don't just blame me, there's reason u know.

omg sukaaaaaa!!!!!!

suka suka sukaaaaa! tak pnah gila2 minat anyone dalam AF! tapi ni minat gila! lalalalala~ :D comel kan?

final call

finally, i started. err, 10 more days to go until my first IA. yeah, just started. gosh gosh gosh. this is so me. no surprise.

ayat abah tadi : "buku bawak balik 5 kg, bace bape gram jerrrr!" aaaaaa cisss abahhhh! orang blaja la niiiii :( really need to hit the books smpai lebam tonight because i'm fully occupied over the weekend. F1 here i come :)

btw, i'm so green with envy with the seniors. they're officially done with pharmaco, patho, forensic and microb and we have another 1 hell of a year to go through these 4 subjects. gosh, microb? gosh. okay ira, u gotta live with it okayyy! gotta love ittt! jangan merungut nnti kena lempang!

note to self, please stop all the nonsense and study. please? (i hope it works) please, i need a miracle to really work for this! kenapalah malas teramat2 dasyat? please mr. malas, go and hit somebody else, u've been living with me since forever! cukup2 la dulu ok? i need to be rajin at least for 2-3 weeks ahead.

from left : tiger, high heels, atan. oh so adorable. :)

total randomness

hello people. i'm blogging straight from my bed. it's 3 am, yeah, awake and fresh still. the real thing is i don't have anything significant to share with u people. life here is too wonderful to share. i rarely spend my time at home, of course, out for some activities - u don't wanna know what.

by the way, i watch AF and diari AF, consistently! hahah. becauseeeeeee a guy caught my attention! aril :D :D :D he's so comel i like the hair and the husky voice and and anddd ( and i better stop before someone gets jealous :p ) please don't google yet, the pics available on the net doesn't look very much like him in real life (wek, i mean, in his weekly performance and in diary AF)

and my departure date to bangalore, it'll be in 10th april. :) i went to MAS office in KL earlier today to reschedule my flight! though i am very much aware about my laziness (i mean, laziness tahap moksya) despite the upcoming internal assessment examination that will be on 13th april, i am still going back on 10th april instead of 7th april. u know, there are times when emotion really take control over the brain. my brain wants me to go back on 7th but my heart wants me to go back on 10th. this time, the heart wins. well, the heart wins a lot more than the brain, well yeah, most of the time. erk.

when u follow ur heart, everything will be wonderful. agree? :) :) :)